Cowgirl UP!!

Hello All, Yesterday I went in for my 6 week check up and all is well. The nurses and dietitian said I was right on track with my weight loss and that I was doing great!! I have been officially told that I no longer have to adhere to any physical restrictions.... Thank God!!!.. I can now lift more then 5 lbs,I don't have to crush my medicine anymore and I can start to ride my horses... I am very excited to be able to do more things and tonight I am going to the gym to work out for the first time..However, and I am gonna be very honest here,I am kinda scared to ride my horses. It has really been quite a while since I have rode, since last Fall and even before. I pretty much quit riding because of my weight or for that matter I have not ever enjoyed my horses to there fullest potential because of my weight. It always felt unfair to them to be hauling my fat butt around and it was very embarrassing for me to see the looks on allot of peoples faces when they saw such a fat person on a horse. Kinda like they were saying the horse should be on my back rather then the other way around. When I went riding I always felt a little apprehensive as because of my weight riding was more difficult specially once I got on the horse , if I got off or thrown off(which has happened many times) I was stuck without having some sort of help to mount back up. Also, riding a horse takes balance and when you have so much more extra to balance it takes much more work and concentration and in my opinion very much hinders your ability to ride good, its starts to make you panic and become fearful as you know if the tide of fat flows too far in one direction you are gonna fall off. So as my weight got even further out of control my dream of being that cool cowgirl running on my horse, running barrels or just doing that leisure trail ride was becoming less & less a reality and that made me extremely sad, disappointed, mad, and depressed and of course all directed at myself. I had that feeling that how could I want to do something so much yet not have enough strength and will power to maintain weight loss to fulfill that dream..

But anyways sorry to get off on such a downer there but it has been something on my mind for a very long time and just did not want to admit my fears aloud but I thought maybe since I am now on the downward weight slide if I got it out in the open and wrote about it, rather then let it fester as my own private shame it would make me per say "Get back in the saddle again". I am sure some of my horse friends will read this and offer suggestions and words of encouragements and I am even more sure that by the end of this year I will fulfill my dream of being that confident cowgirl and enjoy my horses to the fullest.

Thanks for listening ... MEchele