100th Post !!

Well I know I have not posted in awhile and yes I should have .. Kinda like you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.. But this is my 100th post and I feel like I should maybe post something special.. So I am gonna do the top 10 good things that have changed in my life since the surgery.. In no specific order.

10) I can now wipe my ass with no problems !!! lol
9) I can now squat down and get up without having to grab things for help or have my knees scream at me in pain
8) My energy level and ability to do things has greatly improved. My feet no longer kill me after walking short distances
7) I have started dating again
6) I have started thinking of myself as a normal looking person and not embarrassed when I go to public places and that my socializing or general interaction with people has improved
5) I can ride my horses with ease and not worry about people looking at me funny and wondering whether or not the horse is smaller then me.
4) my body mass index has gone form 53.1 to 34
3) I have gone from a size 28 to a size 16
2) My overall health has improved, no more aches and pains, no more type 2 diabetes
and the #1
I JUST FEEL GREAT about my progress ( with the exception of the depression, which is getting better)

Bonus Good thing... I am a pretty cheap drunk nowadays....lol

So how was everyone's holiday. Mine was quite well actually. I really feel like I did well on the food thing. I did not overdue it by any means and went through the whole holiday season so far and did not even cheat once on the sugar thing.. I ate no cookies, no candy, no nothing with sugar.. That is very impressive if I do say so myself... and something that I am proud of.

I also went and did a little clothes shopping this weekend. I still have to go to the bigger sections in some stuff but it is getting better every time. I did however venture into a normal size clothing store. Which probably was a mistake specially when it was one of those trendy places. They of course did not have anything pant wise in my size but I did try on some shirts. They did not fit ( they only went to a size large I am an XL) but they were not too far off so I am getting very close and that makes me feel good. Maybe another 20 lbs and some more exercise and I should be good to go. And speaking of exercise. My last post I vowed I was going that day to join the local gym and I did do it and I did work out.. the only problem.. That is the only time I have gone since.. I am BAD!!!! I really need to get it in gear.. I was going to go today but the weather is terrible and the wind is very bad. I had a tree come down and of course it crashed right through my fence, so I have been out all afternoon with the chainsaw cutting it up and moving it as well as I had to repair the fence as my horses would have been all over the neighborhood if I did not get it done and I have no time this week to do it.

And why do I not have anytime this week. Well thanks to my cousins I will be flying out to Nashville on NYE (weds) and spending the weekend with them I am really looking forward to having some fun and who knows maybe I will meet some cute rednecks.. I am also really excited because for the 1st time in a long time I am gonna fly on an airplane and I am NOT stressed out about the seats and the seat belts fitting, nor will I have to ask for an extender... that is a big relief to me as well as not having the embarrassment.

Now on to the love life.. It definitely hit a slow spot but then again I was not really all to into either. But I did go out with a new guy last night. Things went well, we just met for drinks and it was an early night as he had to work but he has called me today already so I guess I did not scare him off too much. I am also supposed to go out with another guy tonight maybe but we will see if that pans out .. if not tonight though I am sure we will go out another night. But I am just gonna chill out on it and what happens, happens i am just not gonna stress over it..

Well I guess that is all for now.

Think thin Talk to you later


How was everyones Christas

Good Intentions Part 2

Well as I am sure you can remember back awhile ago I did a good intentions post.. Well guess what? That post while it was a good intention, Did not do much for me...lol.. I still have the same issues.. I wake up every morning, I have good intentions as to what I want to do but as the day wears on things go to the way side as I get side tracked very easily. Maybe I just have adult A.D.D.. who knows. So once again I am gonna try to work on this. I would rather start now and call this a jump start on my new years resolution that way I may actually do it because as we all know those resolutions start with a bang but then fizzle really fast. I am gonna try to accomplish one small thing everyday that is above and beyond what I have to do anyways I am gonna try and post my intention every morning and if the next day I tell you that I did not do it then you all must jump all over my ass about it.

Today's good intention is that I MUST get my butt over to the local gym and Sign up for 1 month of gym time.. A work out is a must today and hopefully at least 4x a week after that. My skin is getting rather flabby and I think is creating the massive illusion that I am still covered in fat.. I mean when I get into the bathtub I wonder which has more waves, the water or my lose skin..lol.. Anyways this is something I have said for ages now and this is the day I am gonna do it.. I really am wanting to get these last pounds off my body that 199 by 2009 is really sticking in my head. ( Although you would not guess that by how much I ate this week so far)

Also, I think my dating days are done for now. I have talked to a few people but nothing has excited me. The guys I would like to talk to want nothing to do with me and the one I don't want, Who are probably all the desperate ones that think the might have a shot with me, are the ones who are the persistent ones that do not go away.. even after I tell them I am not interested. I just give up and figure that I need to chill out for awhile and maybe try again at 199.. or maybe I am just too friggin picky.. But that is something I will just ponder another day ..

Well that is all she wrote for today.. Talk to you later

Think Thin

weigh day week 29

Well a good news post today.. really shocked me actually as I have not been eating very healthy the past week and I expected to probably gain some weight or at the most just not lose anything.. But to my surprise.

This weeks weight loss -5 lbs
Total weight loss to date -121 lbs..

Not bad, not bad at all..

what do you think the chances are that I can lose 19 lbs by New Years Eve? That would pretty much be a pound a day which I am thinking is not going to happen but boy would I be geeked if it did... Man would that not be sweet..199 in 2009.. So I am gonna try .. I have nothing better to do with my time right now anyways so I might as well put all my efforts into losing the poundage. I just need to totally focus on protein, protein, protein.. the more protein, the more weight I should lose. maybe do a day on nothing but protein shakes and then a day off for normal foods.. Any bet takers here.. Money always motivates me...lol ..

Well have a good weekend everyone..

Think Thin!!!

Hmmmmmm

What to write about...I am just not sure anymore.. I hate talking about my depression which I am still suffering from with a vengeance.. Some time I feel like it may be getting better but then something happens that sets me off again and tears start to flow and they don't stop like tonight for instance.. the tears are flowing like the Niagara falls. But I have decided after this post that I am no longer gonna talk about it..for reason within myself that I am not gonna share. Tomorrow morning I am gonna get on the horn and get me some drugs or whatever I need, no matter what the costs because I obviously am not able to deal with my issue myself.

I did go to my support group meeting the other night and it was very nice.. It was a much smaller group of people and you basically just did a round table talk about anything and everything. I did discuss my depression with them and they all were very supportive. I will continue with going to this meeting as it was very nice to meet people in a smaller group who have been there and done that.. It was comforting to talk to people about the surgery and the expectations of what you had before surgery and the reality of what really happens after the surgery.. The reality is the surgery drops weight but no matter how many people in the past who have said, " if only you would lose a few pounds"..... it doesn't drop the weight that you have carrying on shoulders and on your mind.. That is a much deeper issue and needs a totally different fix. Which I knew but I guess I did not know just how much until recently..and I pretty much hold everything in and not talk about things.

and gee to make a person feel even better about themselves I was online looking at the profiles of different men tonight.. On this site that I belong to whenever you look at someone it will tell that person that you looked, you then have the option of contacting them or not. Well I looked at this guy and decided he would not someone I would be interested in and moved on..no harm no Foul, so I thought.. I mean I did not contact him so I was not interested.. Would you believe the jerk emailed me and said " thanks but I am not interested in BIG women" Boy I wanted to email him back a piece of my mind but I just left it alone.. But it really kinda hurt, I know it should not matter as he is no one to me but because of my fragile mental state I am taking thing way more personal then I probably should... I mean here after I have lost 116lbs I am still BIG.. Boy if he would have seen me before.. And as you have probably guessed because I have not spoke of Jerry at all.. he has dumped me, after seeing him the last time and listening to all his sweet words to me, etc, etc... he apparently changed his mind within hours and I have not heard from him.. Another blow.. as I really liked him.. It, of course, has me questioning myself and what is wrong with me.. But as My cousin Michelle pointed out. I should not question what is wrong with me and question what is wrong with him..and for that matter what is wrong with any other man who treats women like that.. But I have to tell you I just don't get it..I don't understand how men can act one way, say things and then instantaneously change their mind. But I guess I need to just get past it, but being that mind is so screwed up right now it is hard to NOT dwell on it. And that I guess is all I have to say about that!!

Well I guess I am gonna stop writing now because the way I feeling I could just doom and gloom all night long and well I am guessing that no one wants to hear it anymore. So the next post will be strictly positive no matter how I feel...Maybe if I write positive I will think positive..

well the weekend was uneventfully. I am still stuck in a bad way right now.. Saturday I was coping ok but here today Sunday night I have spent most of the day crying.. I did not really get off the couch much which of course is the worst thing.. I kept telling myself to get up and clean or do something but the motivation was just not there. I hate this feeling and am not doing a very good job shaking it off. But Monday is a new day an I swear to myself that I WILL get it together. I did find a bariatric support group meeting that I am gonna go to Monday night and hopefully that will help. I have ate crappy food all weekend and of course that is not making me feel all great either. I swear that tomorrow I will get it together specially in the food department I need to crack down and get over this little plateau of no real weight loss to speak of. I have the last 25lbs to lose, 50lbs if I am really lucky and I will be done. It is the bright spot of my life to have lost 3/4 of the weight that I need to lose and if you look at the big picture of that, I am sooooo close.. now if I could get the other parts of my life to be bright spots.. It is very sad for me to be feeling this way.. I guess maybe it has to do with the holidays coming up, I know many people struggle or maybe it is winter blues.. I don't know but I need to find out. I feel like a big loser going through all this and specially talking about it. I know people are getting very tired of hearing me whine all the time and well quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing me whine all the time too..but I guess not tired enough.. I did try to get my prescription for Anti-depressants filled but the prescription expired so I guess the only way to get more would be to go to the doctors, which as I said before I don't have the money right now to do that. My mind is such a jumbled mess.. It never stops thinking about everything and anything and mostly bad or sad things.

well I guess I probably have said to much as it is, you people are probably starting to think I am a huge nuts case, and you might be right. I need to toughen up quick..

A poem I found

Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.
Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.
Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.
Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,
I can at least take comfort in those who really care.
You know who you are, and so do I.
That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

Depression

I have suffered with it on & off most of my life I think.. And I guess now is just no exception. I guess that is also why I have been pretty lax on my postings lately too. Just have not had the heart or ambition to write much about anything.. It has been coming on for awhile now and I have tried to fight it off but lately it has been winning the battle. I seriously am pretty much hating my life... no joke.. I really thought losing weight was gonna help me out and in many ways it really has yet in many ways my mind is still as fucked up as ever if not more in some areas.. I feel beat up, put down, let down, looked down upon, etc. etc. etc.. Nothing is ever right, nothing is ever good enough and certainly nothing ever can be simple..I have spent the last few days crying in silence and alone with the exception of yesterday, yesterday it became to much and I could not keep in under control until I got the help of Xanax. It is enough to make a person insane which is something I think I may be very close too.. well probably not but it sure seems that way. I really thought things would be a bit different by now.. including my love life.. I know things like that don;t happen over night but you know what.. I have been single my whole life, I watch people get married divorced and married again and yet here we go another holiday season and I am once again alone... Jerry whom I do really like, has is own issues right now So at this moment I am gonna back way off on that .. while I will continue to talk with him and see him once in awhile I think he needs to clear his own head and well I don't need his problems at the moment either. I really am just sick to death of being by myself all the time.. Sure I have friends, I have relatives but it is just not the same and I always end up being a 3rd wheel. and please no one tell me about it will happen someday, Mr right is out there because I just don't want to hear it..I have been patient and well I guess my patience has pretty much begun to run out and I am not just talking about the last few months I am talking about since friggin puberty..

What else can I rant about.. Lets talk about the economy, It friggin sucks. I am stressed to the max every month for bills and how to keep things paid, I really spend no money on myself as I really have none to spare for that. including the fact that I have very few clothes that fit (which is a good thing) but bad because wearing clothes that hang off you is not pleasing to the eye either. My hunting trips thank god cost me pretty much nothing as I went with others and the trips are probably what kept me from going off the deep end sooner.. lol

Even my animals have been giving me issues.. The friggin cat has all of a sudden decided that it doesn't want to use its liter box and has decided to piss on every friggin throw rug or loose clothing article, shoe or whatever that it finds on the floor. I have had to clean up that mess and smell which of course does not make me happy. I have now locked it in a large metal crate with its toys, litter box and bed to re-train her.. if that does not work then well.... anyone want a cat???because she will have to go.. or be the outside barn cat that she was supposed to be to begin with.

and well let see what else.. Oh today is weight day !!

I gained 1.5lbs.. But you know what that really does not bother me much at all. It will come off and if you have not guessed by now I am PMS'ing..

So I guess I am going to have to see about getting my Prozac refilled but who has money to go to the doctors for that.. and I am just gonna have to make more of an effort to pull myself up.. I have done it before and I will do it again.. I think I am gonna take $25.00 and spend it on myself and join the local gym.. I really need to go and maybe I can work off my frustrations. Also, my sister pointed out that maybe in the mornings I can focus more on hair and makeup (she mentioned clothes too but there really is not much I can do about that I do lurk at the resale shops but never seem to have too much luck..) Maybe fixing my hair better will give me a boost.

I guess I am done ranting for now. Sorry I am such a nut case..

It will get better..

HOLY SNOW!!!!

Boy was it nasty out last night and today. We are really getting dumped on. Last night when I left up- North it took me almost 5-1/2 hours to drive home.. This is normally a 2-1/2-3 hour trip. So I was pretty white knuckled and snow blind by the time I got home. Thank god for 4-wheel drive..lol..

Well the weekend was pretty good, nothing extremely out of the ordinary happened but I just so love it up-north.. I hate to leave whenever I go up there. I did manage to take a small doe Saturday night (Sorry Alan.. Bambi did not live) so there will be some meat in the freezer this winter. The only real bummer part of the weekend was that I did Not get to spend to much time with Jerry he was pretty sick and then had to work some crazy hours, so I only ended up spending about 5-6 hours with him yesterday. I actually was thinking that I was getting blown off or dumped but that I guess was just my brain working overtime and me just learning about his personality and him about mine. The time we did spend together was very nice, I actually went out hunting with him on his property last night and watched him take a very nice Spike horn.. Gee kinda funny when you think about it, most new couple go to movies and dinner.. We go to the woods, watch nature and shoot dinner...lol.. Well anyways, I am OK with how things are progressing, I think now I have actually know him for one month. But I guess the real test will be when hunting season is over and I am no longer going up-north that much.. But for now I still have December bow hunting and muzzle loading yet.

Now on to weight stuff.. Since I missed weigh in on Friday I weighed in this morning

weight loss -1 lb
total weight loss - 118lbs..

I had a very eye opening experiences this past weekend that really I think put the fire in me.. I have been very lax about my vitamins and proteins again and over the weekend I noticed how it is really effecting me. Specially when it comes to my strength .. I have always been a pretty strong person and I know allot of that had to do with 118lbs worth of extra leverage but I know that just because I lost that doesn't mean I should be as weak as I am... For instance, I went and picked up a round bale of hay for my horses to eat all weekend. I have done this hundreds of times. I put the bale in my truck, drive it to the field and push it out.. I could NOT for the life of me get that bale out of my truck. I pushed, I pulled, I lifted and it was just not happening after about 45 mins I was worn out and had to resort to asking a neighbor to help. Also, I went out to help my brother cut wood.. I could NOT lift what I normally would have had no problem doing, I had to take smaller loads and smaller pieces and was just plan ole worn out in a matter of minutes. I am 100% positive this has to do with my lack of protein and that my body is probably literally eating my muscles to get the protein that is needed.. So the moral of this story is that I need to get my ass in gear and get back to doing what I am supposed to be doing. I hate feeling like a weakling, being able to be strong and being able to do the Physical work that I used to do is something that I did take pride in.. It was something that I could do better then most women and to me that was very important.. As I might not have the looks, or as much brain smarts but I could certainly physically out work most women and too me that was my little edge. I know , I know, a little therapy needed on this issues but hey there could be worse things.

Well I guess I rambled on enough for today..

I hope all of you had a very good holiday weekend.

Take care, MEchele

sorry guys

Sorry everyone, I have been super slack on my postings lately. Things are just a bit weird right now and well half the time I wonder whether I am coming or going. My mind is just so scattered lately and I just can;t seem to get a grip on things..

But I just got back again from Up-north for another weekend of deer hunting.. Once again I got skunked but I am leaving again on Weds evening and will have the entire Thanksgiving weekend to try my luck some more. I did see deer this weekend but nothing I was able to get a shot at and of course got a ton of exercise and fresh air so it is all worth it. I so love it up-north. I wish to hell I could chuck everything and move up there and not look back!!

Well as far as my health goes I am getting a bit worried. This past week I have been really having issues with nauseousness and have had trouble with eating. I can only eat a few bites and then I get stomach pains. Like for instance I just had some chicken and rice.. Ate about 3 bites and the stomach pains started as well as vomiting. It is really making me wonder, I am over due for my check up so I guess I need to get in there and see what they say. It is not happening every time I eat but quite often and I am not seeing any pattern with any certain type of foods triggering it. I also have been pretty stressed out lately so I am almost wondering if that may have something to do with it. So I guess I am just gonna keep close tabs on it and see what happens .

Now for some dating update, I spent quite a bit of time with Jerry again this weekend. he really does seem to be a nice guy, We spent Sunday hunting together so that was pretty cool. He really does seem pretty cool so I guess we will just continue the way it is for now and see what happens. The real test will be when Hunting season is over and I am no longer driving up-north for the weekends.. I guess we will see then just how serious he is about wanting to see me then. I mean he seems very genuine but for me actions speaks louder then words... I am not very trusting when it comes to men and what they say so hopefully he will prove me wrong.

I know I did not post a weigh in on Friday either so I will go ahead and post what I weighed in at this morning .

Official loss of -2 lbs this week
Total weight loss -117 lbs

Not too bad.. I guess the days of big numbers are gone but hey a steady 2 lb per week weight loss will be just fine for me. I mean it all adds up in the end. I am told that the majority of the weight I will lose will all be in the 1st year so if you consider that factor I have about 22 more weeks to go and at 2 lbs per week average that will be another 44 lbs and that I would be totally happy with.

Well I guess that is all for now.. I will really try to keep up better with my postings at least after the Thanksgiving holiday.. Then everything will settle down some and I should be able to post more.

Everyone have a good one.

And as usually I am looking for work so if anyone hears anything pass it on my way..

I am back !!!

Hey all . Sorry for the delay.. My mind as been going a mile a minute and well most of what is going through it is not good. But Hey I will get over it I always do..

Anyways the hunt was fun. I missed 2 bucks ( the 4-legged kind) One opening morning and then another on Sunday night.. Boy that sure pissed me off.. I got buck fever and did not take my time when going for the shot. But hey at least I saw something most everyone else went the whole weekend without seeing anything. I do need to give kudos to my nephew Cody, he got his first buck on Saturday night.. I could not have been more proud!!! It is moments like that I wish my father was still alive to be able to see it. I will be going back up north for the Thanksgiving weekend so hopefully I will get something then.

Now on for the 2-legged buck story.. I met Jerry up there and spent a bit of time with him. He is really a nice guy, in a goofy up-north kinda way, very quiet and soft spoken( which we all know is the opposite of me) but he really seems to like me for who I am.. Actually tells me quite often that I am pretty and sexy..lol.. ( I tell him that he must have pretty low standards lol.. he of course swears that he doesn't) He is very supportive of my surgery which is really appreciative and actually has a brother who had the surgery a month before me. He seems to be a very hard worker and did not think twice about helping me with anything that I needed done. He was very sweet!! and most importantly and those who know me know I say this all the time. He is way more manlier then me...lol..... He took me to his home and I met his mother and some of his family members so he must be serious about getting to know me further.. So I guess we will just see where it goes and take it from there,... I just really have an issue with the long distance thing, but I guess why dwell on what I can't change.

I got on the scale when I got home wondering if I dropped any extra weight and was surprised to only have lost 1 pound.. I am not making that an official loss though until my normal weigh day of Friday. I was very active over the weekend and my body is super sore.. My legs, arms, neck back, butt, you name it it is sore.. I guess it is from all the tromping around in the woods loaded down with rifles, ammo, and 30 lbs of clothing. Can you imagine how I would be if I still had the 115lbs of fat still clinging to me.. I would have been a heart attack waiting to happen. Thank god I am smaller then I was.. and I am so looking forward to getting even smaller.. I can't wait to reach that 199 mark... it seems so close but yet so far..

Well I Guess that is it for now. Once again though I am asking you to all keep me in mind for an job opportunities that you may know of or if you need any mortgage info..

Talk to you all soon !! Mechele

It's Hunting Time

Yes the day is here and I am leaving this afternoon for a weekend of hunting.. I am so looking forward to it..It is gonna feel so nice to be able to go out in the woods and not be lugging my big fat ass around the woods like before and be able to climb up and down tree stands with no problems.. I just hope that I actually see something to shoot. And well let me be honest a woman in a typically mans sport.. I will pretty much be able to get me both a 4 legged and 2 legged buck...lol...

But no actually I am also kinda excited to be going for another reason.. I told you a while back about a guy that I met through the web that lives up north and seemed like a pretty good potential. What I have not told you is that I am still talking with him and I will be also spending some time with him this weekend. How much, who knows?? but I really have kinda a good feeling about this one so we will see what happens.. I am anxious to spend more time with him to see just exactly how well we click.

Since I am not gonna be near a computer this weekend or particularly tomorrow for my weigh in I did it a day early.. I am glad to say that this week I have lost

Weight Loss -3lbs
Total weight loss -115lbs

It is still coming off, so that is exciting news. I know that it is definitely slowing down but hey I will take every little bit that comes my way.. This weekend I will be curious to see what I kind of numbers I pull since I will be very active and I usually I drop big numbers when I have weekends like that.

Also, I would like to touch on something that my fellow blogger Alan mentioned to me on my last post.. Something that I did not really think about to much until he brought it up.. The picture of me and My dog Porter is a great photo.. I just love my dog.. but anyways I was squatting down with him.. This as a general rule is not something most anyone thinks about.. But for me this is HUGE.. Before my surgery I could not squat, it was impossible!!! My knees could not handle my weight nor was it ever a pretty sight to see me getting back up.. So anytime I needed anything from below it was bend over and kill my back, not to mention everyone getting the view of my huge butt. Now after losing 115lbs I can squat down and not have to suffer the pain and embarrassment of getting back up. You just really can't imagine how something so simple can be such an accomplishment. Anyways just wanted to bring that up..

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend.. I will be back Tuesday with what I hope is exciting news of my weekend hunt..

Everyone have a great weekend..

Oh And well I hate to put this on here but beggar's can't be chooser. I am need of some extra cash flow.. anybody who knows of any job leads, whatever it is, could you pass them along to me? Thanks.

Well another week is here

And I am looking forward to it hopefully flying by.. I have allot of stuff to keep me busy this week so I hope it will make things go faster .. I am leaving Thursday afternoon to go hunting so there is allot of preparation involved in that.. I am very excited to go hunting again as it has been a long time.

Here is a picture of me from Sunday. Me and my brother were target practicing with our rifles to get ready for the big day... Gee and I wonder why I can't find a man.. This pictures is enough to probably scare anyone.. lol..

The weekend was good, I got to spend allot of time with out-of-state family and well the party Saturday night was a bunch of fun.. Lots of drinking (I know, I know I am not supposed to but I gave up everything else I figure I can cheat a bit on the drinking thing) and a whole bunch of dancing which those who know me, know that I love to dance.. I wish there was some kind of exercise class I could do the just involves dancing..I would never get tired of that..

Sunday my Brother, sister in-law and myself hung around a bit doing some stuff. My sister-in-law took some photos of me so here are a few for you to see

Me & TJ

I have to be honest and say that the pictures that were took did not impress me at all. Not because of the quality but because of what I looked like. These are some of the better ones but I deleted a whole lot more. I was very upset to see some of them as well to be honest I am still ,even after losing 112 lbs, FAT... It was actually very depressing to me to see and kinda messed with my mind some.. Here I was feeling very good and then slam back to reality. Oh I know I am my worst critic and am being too hard on myself but I just can't help what is. I am sure I will get over it and I know I am still losing weight but hey I guess I am entitle to a little pitty party..It really has been a long time since I have had one so I guess I am over due..lol

Anyways. I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a stress free week to come.

Talk to you all later..

Me-chele

I feel good...

and I look good too.. Sorry for the delay.. I had my hair cut and colored today and well nothing like having that done to make you feel good.. My stylist had not seen me in quite awhile and he was full of compliments as well as another guy who works there, he had no idea who I was and when he finally realized it was me he was like WOW!!! you look terrific.. Talk about some major ego boosting..

Now for the weeks weight loss. I did not do as good as I hoped but I also have to admit that I did not try as hard as I said I would either. I did increase my protein quite a bit and really made sure I took all my vitamins so that is a good thing..

So the results of this week are..

Weight loss -2lbs
Grand total -112lbs gone ... Wow ... it is really amazing every time I write it.

Last week I was talking with my youngest nephew (he just turned 13) and he said he weighed that much (112lbs) and I was like geeze I lost a whole person so far.. When you look at it from that angle, I mean actually seeing a physical person who weighs as much as I have lost it is very amazing and makes me feel good!! I really can't wait to hit that 199 mark !!

Now on to the weekend.. My cousins are here from TN and I am looking forward to some fun again this weekend. They are here to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and are having what will be a great party..Lots of dancing and of course booze and whatever other trouble we can find. I should be very busy and very active.. the theme of their party is to wear all your old bridesmaids and groomsmen outfits. believe it or not I have a old bridesmaid dress that actually fits but just wearing that by itself is not enough for these guys... so since I am 38 and always a bridesmaid never a bride..I am going to wear a gray wig, glasses, have a walker and wear a sign that says old Maid.. LOL. it should be pretty funny..

Well I guess that is all for now, I am really looking forward to my hunting trip that is coming up so that is 6 days and counting..

Talk to you all soon Me-Chele

A sad day for me.

But apparently a happy day for others.. Well I am not really one to want to use my blog site for anything other then my original intention but today I am making just a slight exception.. I am very disappointed that our country choose the president that they did..I really don't understand what people are thinking but I guess there is really not much I can do about it now..So with that being said I just hope and Pray that in a few years I am not gonna be saying "I told you so" and I swear that if I ever hear one more thing about racism among the black and the white from anyone again I will go ballistic... Sorry if that offends anyone but really too bad if it does.

I am in good mood today can you tell...

Anyways on too the weight loss talk.. Doing pretty good this week. Not getting in as much protein as I would like but I have definitely increased it this week so that is a a definite plus.. I made an appt with my hair stylist this Friday so he can evaluate my hair and maybe make some suggestions to keep it from thinning further. Maybe I will just say what the heck with it and get a whole new style for my whole new me. I guess it will all depend on my mood Friday morning.. Hopefully it won;t be a bad mood day as I could be tempted to really do something drastic.. lol.. Britney Spears would have some competition on her hands..lol..

Anyways also onto other news, the dating thing has been going good. I have had my share of being dumped as well as my share of doing the dumping.. I think so far there has been more of the later.. But I have recently met someone who shows some promise, so I am very interested to see where it goes. He seems like a pretty decent guy and we are interested in allot of the same things. Only problem with him right now is distance as he does not live close to me at all but on a brighter note, he lives much further north and well those who know me know that I always say I want to be further north... Oh and he has a brother who had bariatric surgery 1 month before me so he was very supportative of everything and that in itself is a great big plus... So we will see what pans out as time goes on, for all I know he could be full of shit like so many others..


well I guess that is about it today . Catch me on Friday for this weeks weigh in.. I am anxious to see if the scale moves any..

Have a great day

protein, protein. protein

Or lack of it should I say..

Well first off sorry I did not get my post in on Friday.. probably better that I didn't anyways as I was very bad all week food wise and lord know I am not sure if I could have mentally handled any kind of weight gain.. I did not even weigh myself on Friday.. So I did weigh myself today and I am thankfully able to say that I am exactly the same weight as I was the week before...
No loss NO gain..

Now on to my protein, We all know that I have said in the past the I am very lax when it comes to getting my protein in..and I know I have said this before but I am making it my mission starting today to really work hard at getting the protein in... While I still have all my hair.. Over the weekend I really noticed large amounts of hair coming out of my head and while I still have allot of it eventually it is gonna start to take its toll. So I am gonna really force feed the protein this week, I think I am even gonna go back to the basics and just have the protein shakes and bars for food this week and maybe that will even jump start my weight loss again.. Seems like I have been kinda slow in that department for a while now and I really want that 199lb mark in the worst way. I would love to be about 215-210 by November 15th.. (opening day of Hunting season) Now I am really not being realistic with that goal but it gives me something to shoot for.

Now as far as my weekend went, I was pretty tame this weekend and did not do a whole lot of anything particular.. Halloween night was at my brothers scaring all the little kids.. That always brings a smile to my face specially when they cry...lol.. I know, I know that is extremely bad on my part but well I just can;t help myself. I will also be happy to tell you that I did not sample any of the treats...wasn't even tempted. Saturday and Sunday just did some errands and nothing else much. My back was really bothering me still from my fall last weekend so I just thought it best to chill out.

So here we are to another new week.. Hopefully it will bring some excitement and good news specially with the economy and as always...Shameless plug here... If you need any mortgage advice new purchase, refinance, whatever be sure to contact me..

Happy Monday Everyone... Me-chele

Getting better

Yes I am getting better. The hurt is not as bad as it was yesterday and well I think I will pull through...lol.. Everything still hurts just not quite as bad as it did.. and of course I have the wonderful world of Vicoden ..lol

I will say this.. it is so easy to revert back to your old comfort food eating habits when you are sick and lying around doing nothing. All I wanted was my good old comfort foods.. I know that this weeks weigh in is really gonna be a bad one as I did so much drinking this weekend as well as the fact that I ate some pretty bad foods ( pizza, rally burger) while I was laying on the couch nursing my sore body. So the combinations of crap food with doing nothing I am sure has packed on a couple of pounds. But never fear it will not stay on long!!! I will be back on track and losing weight again before you know it.

Now an update on the man game.. Wouldn't you know it.. The one that I really did not care about one way or the other if I saw again.. (you know the boring one who did not talk..) is the one who has been most persistent in calling me. I will say this much he does talk way more on the phone then he did in person.. and of course me being the person that I am came right out and asked him what the deal was on Saturday night.. Are you really shy or did you just not have anything to say.. he said he was very nervous and well that sometimes he just does not talk that much.. A man of few words I guess.... hmmm most women would probably like that but me I need to be able to get into a good fight once in awhile and I think with this guy I would always be the one making decisions and such and well my moto has been and probably always will be... "I need a man who is manlier then me.." lol Sooo I am thinking that today's phone call will be the last phone call..

Boy I am telling you my self esteem has just quadrupled in the past few weeks.. Imagine what it will be like when I lose 30 more lbs... Lord look out.. Michele is coming to take the world by storm.. I guess I just feel like I have missed out on so much stuff and am ready to have some fun and allot of it. I am comparing myself now to what I was this time last year and boy what a difference. I mean at this time last year I was sitting on the couch contemplating which food to eat and when and what TV show to watch and which one to record for later...Now I am always trying to line up what to do next.. I mean for instance her I am writing this blog while I am also talking to someone about meeting tomorrow night for karaoke at a local place.. I guess Thursday is becoming the new Friday..lol

Well anyhoo I guess this is enough babble for now. Talk to you all Friday for this weeks dreaded weigh day.

I Hurt !!!

Yes you read correctly I hurt!!...I had such a great weekend. My cousin showed up on Thursday night and we had a great time. Sang some karaoke, did a little dancing and quite allot of drinking. I even managed to get a date for Saturday night ( my cousin wanted to know what it was like to be a 3rd wheel) and well quite frankly I was glad he was there. The guy I was out with, while I will say he was pretty cute and had a super nice ass was boring as all hell. I could not get him to talk and even just asking him straight out questions was like pulling teeth. I figured he was acting that way maybe because he was wanting to get rid of me.. He did not even buy me a drink.. Can you believe it.. So I pretty much figured he was just hanging for an hour or so till he could safely escape, which would have been fine with me... but NOOOO he actually stayed the whole time and did not leave till I left. But by the end of the night he did start to talk more (just a little) and asked me to dance once. When I decided I was ready to leave he did walk me out, gave me a hug and then left. I was for sure figuring I would not hear from him again but guess what? he actually emailed me twice the next day. One saying hello and the other asking if he was just to boring for me... Gee ya think?? But the more I think about it, he could just be incredibly shy and me being the overbearing, fun loving person I am, could easily intimidate a shy person. So the verdict for me is still out on whether I go out with him again. I may give him one more try.

Now to talk about the I hurt.. yes the weekend was great but then all hell broke lose. Went riding on Sunday afternoon. The weather was kinda crappy and I should really have known better but I really wanted to ride. I took tbone out and of course he acted up, to the point where he went completely ballistic on me. I stayed on for as long as I could trying to get control but he finally got the better of me.. (if it was a rodeo I would have made my 8 secs with a great score) and up and OFF I went like a rag doll. I landed on my left back side, I knocked the wind right out of me so I was on the ground and NOT able to get up. Brent thought I was definitely hurt bad. of course that was after he got off the ground from his fall too. When I was able to get up I was having issues walking as my left hip, back and side were not working well. I was having trouble breathing still and it hurt something fierce in the center of my chest between the ribs.. I was a MESS and trying so very hard not to cry.. I hurt that bad. I made it home and then of course was NOT wanting to go to the hospital. After a while however I decided it would be for my best interest to go as I was not entirely sure I had not broken something as well as the pain between my ribs and breathing was getting worse. I was starting to get afraid that I screwed up something in my surgery.. so I figured it was best to go.. And of course there I stayed all evening and until the wee hours in the morning. Thankfully nothing is broken and I am basically just very bruised and battered.. The Doctor said I was gonna feel worse before I got better and she is right. Today is the worst right now. I friggin can't walk upright, turn my neck much, my shoulders and side ,along with my ribs and what I believe is my bruised kidney and sternum are hurting quite a bit..I have been taking my vicoden and muscle relaxers but even after taking those the pain does not go away it just dims it . I can't even roll over in my bed as My side hurts too much and so I am pretty much sleeping on my back propped up with pillows which I hate. My cousin Randy came over yesterday and did my chores for me so I was glad he did.

So that in a nutshell is how my weekend went. I hope everyone else had a great one, of course minus any accidents.

Talk to you all soon

weigh day.. Week???

Well I am still losing

This weeks weigh loss -2lbs
total weight loss since 4/29/08 -110lbs

AND I am now wearing a size 16 jeans !!!! comfortably

Pretty cool!! It is so amazing to me everytime I think about it just how far I have come and just how much I am changing. I am feeling better and of course looking better. I am really working hard at my self-confidence level and I think I am suceeding.. I went out to the bar last night with my cousin and had a good time.. I was comfortable enough to talk to more people and even managed to catch the eye of a couple of guys...lol... I don't feel like people are looking at me in disgust anymore and according to my cousin I get checked out quite frequently..lol..

Anyways, last night I also learned a HUGE lesson.. Now we all know that drinking is not the best thing you can do when you have this surgery and for the most part I am very careful about what I drink and how much.. But last night while getting my courage up to do some kareoke in a bar full of people I had a shot of Tequilla. That was the WORST mistake I could have ever made!! The minute that shot hit my stomach I doubled over in pain !! and it lasted for quite a few minutes. It was terrible and you can bet that I will NEVER do that again.. To me it felt just like you were pouring straight alcohol on an open cut.. Lesson learned on this one..

This weekend will also be a busy one. I am looking forward to spending time with my cousin and have allot of activities planned including some horse back riding.. Which you all know I just love to do. I hope you all have a great weekend and a safe one.. I am looking forward to telling you all about my weekend adventures.

Think Thin... MeChelle

Practice Makes perfect --

Yup I went out with another guy last night.. we met at a local bar and had a pretty good time.. but, of course, who knows what will happen but my new way of thinking is that why not just go out and meet as many as I can. Get a few free drinks and dinners and see what happens.. So what I am basically saying is that I am now being able to look at this whole dating thing in a strictly casual manner.. totally different then a a couple of weeks ago. It will be interesting to see how things progress as the months or even years may go by.. I might just be looking back at these post and laughing while I am comfortable in some new relationship with a man who will seem perfect to me.. (Oh healthier Chelle... I have not ruled out the horse auction thing.. I actually found a new horse auction that I will be attending soon) My internet dating membership will be running out soon and I will NOT be renewing them as I don't really have the extra money to spend and the other reason is that I want to do a little experiment and see how men react to me as I lose more weight.. For instance I started this progress at one weight and did it for a month. I would like to lose 20 more lbs then sign up again and try it for a month. and then so on.. It is gonna be my own little experiment as to how men in general act. Who knows maybe my little experiment will end up on the Oprah show..lol

I am looking forward to this upcoming weekend. My cousin form TN is flying in and we always have a great time when we get together. So it should be a very active weekend which is always a good thing as then I don't have to worry about how much food I am putting in my mouth.

And speaking of food.. I am doing pretty well I think, I have not weighed myself at all so I am not really sure if I am losing any weight this week.. I of course, hope that I am but I am not really feeling it this week at all. But I guess we will see on Friday. I would happy with another 2 lbs.. My 6 month check up is coming due so we will see just how well I am doing.. I know that they are gonna yell about my protein as I am still very lax on getting that in. My hair is still falling out but some days it is worse then others and even though it is falling out I am not really seeing a difference in my hair, I mean it still feels as thick and as full as it usually does and well I get a butt load of compliments on it from all my online single weirdos.

So I guess that is it for now. I will check in with you all again on Friday.. Everyone have a great couple of days..

Did everyone enjoy the weekend

I actually had a really decent weekend and a couple of first for me in a very long time.

I went on Friday to meet that guy for our little lunch date.. While he was nice enough, he is definitely not my type, Not to mention his picture was quite deceiving and probably taken 15 years ago.. Now don't get me wrong I am certainly not hung up on looks by any means but you still have to have some sort of attraction to the person you are with. With him there was no attraction so we are just chalking it up to practice makes perfect. I figure the more I do this the more self confidence I will get. Now because I had taken the time to make myself look nice and was feeling good I was in the mood to go out Friday night and see what kind a trouble I could find. I called a friend of mine and he and his wife met me at a local bar for a drink, they decided that they wanted to try another place so we left and went there However there was only 5 people in the bar and we had only one drink. My friends decided to call it a night but I was still ready to go out. SO I decided what the hell.. I will take Allan's advice (almost gastric bypass) and go back to the bar I was at ... by myself... sit down and see if the men would come. Well they did...kinda..... I was a magnet for all the pot bellied, older men.. 55 and up... I have no idea why that was.. But they all seemed to think that they had some kinda chance with me. It was actually super funny!!! and well this bar, while it is a place I go to occasionally is not really the best place to be meeting anyone anyways but what I did by going there by myself was really strictly to build my self confidence. I actually had a pretty good time, just listening to the music and watching people have fun.. I stayed till closing so I obviously was not all that bored. This is a first for me.. Or well I should not say a first but it might as well be as the last time I went to a bar by myself it was in my early 20's

Saturday I was up bright and early. I took care of my uncles place and then came home and went for about a 2 hour ride on my horse copper. It was a nice ride as the weather was perfect. When I got back home my friends Melanie and Kevin came to visit and spent the night.. We took the kids to the huckleberry railroad Halloween spooktacular. It was actually a pretty decent time.. Which is surprising as anyone who knows me knows that I am not a kids person.. But I was pleasantly surprised that all the kids were really well behaved. Also with the purchase of the ticket you got to go trick or treating at little stations that are set up around the park.. It was a big test for me as the candy that was giving out was the good stuff.. and I had a whole bag of it. But I ate NONE... and I was not even tempted to try it, nor did I even sample the donuts that they were giving out. As the months go by from this surgery it is really easy for me now to just not eat sugar. who would have thought that I would be able to give it up so easily with no issues. When people try to get me to eat it I just say NO!!!! I am so proud of myself for having such will power

On Sunday I met up with my friends Rich and Wayne and we went riding. It was about a 4 hour ride I had so much fun. It was a little more of a challenging ride as we went to an area that had all kinds of hills and ravines and made riding much more challenging not to mention we got lost a few times so we were making our own trails. 5 months ago I would have never attempted to do any of the stuff I did yesterday. I would have been too heavy and it would have been too hard on the horse. I had such a great time and it was really a boost to my self confidence again as a rider, I am really starting to feel like that cowgirl I have always wanted to be.

Soooo now here we are back to the ho hum drum of Monday morning.. I have made it my mission that today I get back to the gym and start exercising regularly.. Who knows maybe I will even meet someone at the gym. lol.. well it can't hurt to look....lol..

Happy Monday everyone!!

I am bored

Hey all. Another Friday is here and almost gone already. I tried to post many times this morning but my computer was not working right or maybe it was just this website. Anyways the results are in for today

After last weeks big loss I still managed to lose another 2 lbs

this weeks loss -2lbs
Total weight loss to date -108lbs

Not to bad.. I am happy with it.

Well even though I swore off men the other day. I did end up going on a lunch date today with a guy. I will say that he seems nice enough but he definitely looks way older then the picture that he had online.. I know for sure that he wants to see me again, of course, I have heard that before but I don't know, I guess it can't hurt and practice makes perfect right .. But I guess it is also something I do not have to decide right this very instant either.

Now onto my bored thing.. I have to admit I am really getting lonely and bored. I am very antsy lately and am needing some excitement of some kind. I can't quite put my finger on it! and of course money is so tight, so that causes major issues as most all of my friends want to go out usually for dinner and drinks and well I just afford to be doing that all time specially when the eating thing is no longer much of a part of my life. My body has changed so much now that I guess I am feeling the need for everything else to change and of course being the way that I am I want everything to change right now !!! .. But I know in my head that it just does not happen that way but at the same time my head just refuses to accept that. So I guess I will keep searching for whatever it is I am looking for and hopefully some day I will find it.

Everyone have a great weekend. Think Thin.. MEchele

I have been blown off

Oh well what is a girl to do.. I guess as My fellow blogger Allan says I am gonna quit worrying about men. I have come to realize that I am just not ready for this dating things yet and well I think I am just gonna let it slide and see how I feel again in another month or two. As everyone says there are plenty of fish in the sea and well maybe when I get a tad bit skinnier and of course more confident in myself I will go fishing again. I will catch a butt load of guppies until my big ole shark comes along...lol.

I think as I stated before I am now gonna just really start concentrating on the Physical fitness part of my new life and body.. I will start to go to the gym more and make it my routine. I have no excuses to not get "my train on" as my other fellow blogger and cousin Healthier Chelle says. I have 13 lbs to try and lose by the end of the month and I will do my best.. That will be my 6 month mark and I would love to be down 120lbs.. That would be so cool and boy would I really feel proud of myself. I won't beat myself up over it if I don't make it but I am gonna try.

I am feeling pretty good, Got a little sick last night as I ate a bit of greasy food but all is well.

I spoke to another person yesterday who had the same surgery as I, she is my age as well and was about my weight & Height when she started. She had her surgery 11 months ago and is down a whopping 172lbs.. Can you believe it? Boy I can't wait for that day to happen. 172 pound in less then a year. Crazy!!! that is like a whole other adult person and she feels great!
I am glad to know there are so many other people out there who have had this surgery and have very little or no complications from it.

Well anyways I will talk to you all on Friday for weigh day.. I am not really think I will have too big of numbers but if I did not gain anything I will be incredibly happy!!! ( I am shooting for -4lbs)

Talk to you all later..

My weekend

Sorry guys this will be kinda a short post, pretty busy today but I had a pretty darn good weekend. I did have a Friday night date with the guy, Joe and things went really, really well.. At least I thought anyhow.. But I spoke with him yesterday for all of 10 minutes and he seemed very nonchalant and quick to get off the phone, not to mention I called him and not the other way around. But I guess if he did not want to talk to me he could have just not answered the phone. As he knew it was me when he answered. This is the part about dating I really hate, I have no idea how to keep things casual in my mind.. I mean don't get me wrong it is not like I am declaring any undying love or anything like that but it is hard for me to just try to keep things light in my mind. I have such insecurity issues that it is not even funny and I have no idea what to do to correct these issues with myself. I mean all I think about is what I may have did wrong, said wrong, acted wrong or even looked wrong. I am so insecure with myself that it is not even funny. I know that is surprising and really in a group settings I have no problems but one on one is a totally different issue. Not to mention I still feel very fat as well as now I have nasty hanging skin to deal with, Boy I sound like I will never be happy with myself and who knows maybe that will be the case but I am really trying hard to not be like that .

Now on to my class reunion. I had a pretty good time. I mean as best as I could have anyways. I mingled as much as I could to try and figure out everyone. I was really pleasantly surprised that there were allot of people who knew me and well quite frankly I had no idea who they were, I keep having to look in the old yearbook to refresh my memory.. lol.. I guess I was more popular then I thought I was. Everyone commented to me on my hair and how pretty it was, made me feel good. I forgot that all my high school years I had short hair so everyone was really surprised.

Sunday however I was wiped out. Having slept very little Friday and Saturday night and dealing with insomnia all week long it caught up with me. I ended up taking a 4 hour nap in the afternoon but forced myself to go out and mow most of my lawn and trim Sunday after I woke up. My body felt like I had been hit by a truck.. I have no idea why that was as I did not do anything all that physical that would have made me feel that way. I mean I barely even danced on Saturday night. However I did drink quite a bit so maybe that had its effect on me. I know, I know I should not drink but it is not something I do very often at all so I don't feel too bad about it.

Otherwise the diet is going well .. I have controlled my eating and my stomach is back to normal with only allowing small amounts of food. I have increased my protein and have been really darn good about taking my vitamins, now I just need to get focused on my exercise. Hopefully after Tuesday when my cousin comes back and picks up her dogs that I have been watching I can start concentrating more on that.

Talk to you all soon .

PS I guess this wasn't such a short post after all.

The BIG Reveal !!!

Yup you guessed it!!! I FINALLY hit the over 100lb weight loss.. and I did it with a HUGE BANG!!! Not only did I do very well this week I think that this is my largest weight loss week so far since my journey started Soooooo you know what that means.. As promised, I must reveal my actually start weight and current weight for all the world to know. .....VERY SCARY for me to do but here goes!!!!! drum roll please .......................

This weeks weight LOSS ... -9 lbs .... YIPPIE!!!!
Total weight loss since April 29th, 2008 ..... -106 lbs GONE !!!!

Here goes the scary part... Deep breath!!!!

Pre-surgery start weight a whopping 339lbs (god I just hate writing this)

Current Weight -- 233 lbs .. This is the lowest weight I have been since probably about 1994 or more. ..

Boy Can you believe it.. I was fat..... Hence, of course, the reason I had surgery. I am really very excited.. .Technically I am really about 34 lbs away from my goal weight.. which was just to be 199.. anything under 200lbs basically. I am sure that I will actually shoot for more once I reach that but right now that is my next big goal..

On to other news.. My class reunion is tomorrow 20 years Holy SHIT .. I remember like it was yesterday one of the happiest days of my life.. High school Graduation and here it is now 20 years later.. I actually was quite on the fence about going to it but I am.. Who knows if anyone will be there that I actually care about seeing and boy do I sure hope that some of those old bitchy, snobby girls and those stuck up jocks have all gotten fat and Bald.. lol.. It should be very interesting, at least I am going with one of my best friends Sue and we will have a nice time together regardless.. We don't get to spend to much time together anymore so it is always nice when we get to see each other.

And now to even more news.. My date from weds night .. Joe.. Did actually call me yesterday.. I get some mixed signals from him but I guess if he was not interested he would not have called nor would he of asked me to do something else.. Which so happens to be for tonight.. I am actually gonna make dinner and then he was gonna bring a movie over.. But of course he said he would call me today once he got up and stuff ( he works 3rd shift) to finalize a time and such but being the skeptical person I am I will believe that he is coming only when he actually calls. I have to say I do hope that he does. We seem to have bunch in common so that is pretty cool. I also however am still continuing to talk to 2 other people.. I have not met them yet and one I don't think I am gonna meet but the other one is still kinda promising. So we will see.

Well I guess that is all for now.. Everyone have a great weekend..

Mechele

Guess What!!!

You won;t be believe it. After all my bitching the other day, I actually went out on a date tonight with someone whom I spoke with online. He actually seems like a pretty decent guy whom I have allot in common with. He hunts, fishes, loves the outdoors and for a bonus he was pretty darn cute. He seemed very sincere when he said he would like to see me again and that he would call but of course men say allot of things that they don't do.. Gee I don't have any trust issues do I ... and I also have been talking to another guy who seems like a good prospect also.. Boy what a ego boost it is for me right now. On my date tonight we met at a local bar for dinner & Drinks and then after that he suggested we go for coffee someplace quieter so we could talk without shouting.. So we ended up at a big boy for the rest of the evening.. He works 3rd shift so it was not a late night as he had to be at work by 11pm. I am guessing if he was not interested he would have bolted right after dinner with some lame excuse.. So I guess we will see what tomorrow brings , if he doesn't call then it will be his loss.. Oh and by the way I think I looked pretty darn hot!!!

Now on to my diet.. I have been doing pretty good this week, I have been eating sensible and I have been getting in allot more protein then I have been in the past couple of weeks so hopefully my hair loss will slow down. I am feeling very confident that the weight loss will come this week and I will hit my 100 lbs mark, maybe if I am lucky a little bit more. I sure hope so. It seems like I have been in limbo for quite awhile now and I am ready to move on. So everyone keep your fingers crossed!!

I am once again doing my uncle chore for him as he took off on another long weekend up-north however, I am lucky this time as I only have to do the morning chores. His son Robert is gonna do the evening ones but I guess the good thing about that is that It forces me to get up and moving in the morning..

Well I hope everyone is doing well and thinking THIN thoughts.. Talk to you soon

This WILL be the week !!

I don't care if I have to take 10 laxatives and shit out my excess 3 lbs I am gonna get to that 100 lb mark!!!..lol .. I am really gonna focus this week and get the pounds off. I have thrown away all the grazing food in my house so that will get rid of some of the temptations and I am really gonna focus hard on getting my protein in because as per usual I am lacking on that and my hair is really starting to fall out.

I had a pretty productive weekend. I worked outside quite a bit and got allot of work done out there. I put all my pool stuff away as well as got the outside lawn furniture and stuff moved. I even started on cleaning out my barn but I have LOTS more work to do on that before I can even consider that clean...lol.. I also did allot of weed whacking and hopefully that will be the last time this year I have to do it and I also took care of all my uncles animals while he is once again gone for a long weekend. Now, of course, I did not work all weekend I did take some time and had some fun. Me & my horse copper went for a long ride on Saturday and on Sunday I went on a 10 mile charity horse ride.. That was great fun, I took my horse T-bone on that ride and he was a pretty good boy with only a few incidents.. ( For him that is good, he can be mighty stubborn when he wants to be) but I am so proud of myself because as I continue to lose weight my riding skills continue to improve. Before T-bone had me pretty intimidated as he can be a handful to control and being fat does not help with balance, specially if he is trying to throw you off. Now I can handle him pretty well and that he is now learning that he can try all he wants but I am not going anywhere and he will do what I say. He is basically figuring it out slowly but surely.. I think after yesterdays ride he now understands and he is gonna finally give up. He tried to be a butt head just a couple of times and he was quickly corrected as well as he tried a new thing and that was rearing up on his hind legs.. This is something he never did before and I pretty much considered it a last stitch effort on his part.. I think it scared him way more then it bothered me.
But anyways the whole moral of this story is that the weight loss has helped me dramatically in this area and for that I am so thankful. It was always a life long dream of mine to own horses and ride. Well I have owned the horses long enough, now I am able to ride the way I always wanted to, that in itself is worth it..

Now to update you all on the Internet dating thing. It seems that there are way too many weirdos in this world and it seems that they are all attracted to me. I am very puzzled as too why it seems that I can't attract anyone worth any potential.. I mean I know it has only been 1 week and I am certainly not gonna find my knight in shining armor in that time but I have not even caught the attention of anyone who might excite me, everyone that has emailed or IM'd me has had alternative motives, is just mentallyway out there or they seem like they are interesting and Interested in meeting me but then you never hear from them again. Boy I hate it when a guy says that they will call and doesn't.. For all you guys reading out there..Why do you do that? specially on the Internet it is not like you can see my face or anything.. This is why I hate this stuff, I am thinking that I may just not be ready to start the dating thing yet and I think I may just wait until I can deal with it without questioning myself all the time and wondering what the heck is wrong with me.. This issues stems from years of being told bad things about myself or questioning my self worth... I am not sure what it will take to get over it. or if I will ever get over it. Probably need a shrinks help for that but well that is something I really am not gonna do so for the time being I am just gonna let it slide and just be happy with how things are going and concentrate on my weight loss. I am sure I will meet someone someday.

Well I guess that is it for now.. or at least it is enough for me right now.

Happy Monday everyone.. MEchele

Well Not this week either

I guess my body is just taking and hiatus right now on the weight loss. I was hoping for the big 100 but I am not surprised that it did not happen . I was not really good about my diet the past week and well the scale showed it.

Weight GAIN this week +2 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery -97lbs

It is a bummer but well I have no one to blame really.. I need to get focused and also get exercising. I know that there is no way that I will not lose more weight so I am not worrying about it.. Maybe I am subconsciously trying to sabotage myself into not getting to that 100lb mark so I don't have to reveal my actual weight.. I have no idea why I can't get over that little hurtle, I guess it is pure embarrassment on my part that I had let myself get that big.

On another note this Internet dating thing is crazy!!! I have had quite a few responses and have IM with quite a few people. At one time the other night I had like 5 guys IMing at one time and I just started to laugh as I kept getting confused as to who was who and what... I finally just gave up, not to mention that most of them seemed like the were way too weird for my taste... and the ones who were basically out for a quick lay got the boot right away or the ones who claimed I was the "one" by looking at my picture and profile got the boot too. According to what I have been told you have to really weed out the weird ones to get to the one normal ones. I have chatted with one guy who seems like he could be somewhat normal but who knows.

This weekend will hopefully be a good one, I have plenty to keep me busy around here. It is time to get all my outside stuff done and summer stuff put away before the snow flies. It was pretty cold last night so I am gonna have to get out the electric blanket as I refuse to put the furnace on just yet. I will also be doing a 10 mile charity ride on Sunday with my horse T-bone.. He needs the exercise as well I do. and my uncle is once again gone off for a long weekend so I will be doing the chores for him again till Tuesday.

Well I guess that is all for now. Here's to a healthier week coming up and lots of weight loss!!

Think thin..

Internet dating

Do any of you single people out there do that.. I have decided that being my new found semi-confidence that I would attempt to get back into the dating scene and the reason I say Semi confidence is because I still have issue with how I look but I am getting better.

It has been awhile since I dated or even attempted to date and that has basically been nobodies fault but my own. I have had no self confidence in myself and quite frankly did not want to have to deal with the hurtfulness of others. I just could not deal with rejections. I know everyone always says that if people can't see your inner beauty then they are not worth knowing but come on .. be real.. I know that for the most part that looks do mean allot to people and well if I certainly could not stand myself and my looks how on earth could I expect someone else too. I live in the real world of hurt and rejections from people and let me tell you it is not fun and way more common then most average weight or thin people think. But anyways I have taken the plunge and signed up for a couple of singles sites. Who knows if anything will come from it and I will certainly make sure I weed out the weirdos and I can tell you that there have been a couple of them already. I just don't get how anyone who starts off by telling me that they think I am sexy and could be the one for them by viewing one picture and a profile read is really got all his brain functions..lol.. but I am gonna keep the faith that if I am a nice person who is mostly a sane individual and not a crazy stalker and really genuinely trying to find someone who could be the one, then I must believe that there are other "normal" people out there trying to do the same. So we will see how it goes and just take it day by day.. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I also need to really get focused on my eating.. I feel like I am out of control and need to take back control. I have been going out to eat quite often and It needs to stop. While I still have not ate any sugar or pop or fast food for that matter. Restaurant food is not always a great choice either. I am thinking that I need to go back to the beginning and kind of do a couple of days with nothing but my protein shakes and liquid diet stuff, so that I can get myself back on track as well as possibly jump start the weight loss not to mention get on an actual exercise routine and stick with it.

Well anyways I guess that is all for now. I best get on with my day and make it a productive one.

Talk to you soon Mechele

Oh BOY

Did I eat allot this weekend. At least on Saturday I did. Not sure what came over me but it seemed like it was non-stop I actually went to 3 restaurants that day and that is something I did not do when I was at my fattest..lol It started off early in the morning when I woke up and had a 1/4 of a left over club sandwich with some Sunchips. Now mind you I picked off most of the bread. Then I spent the day with a friend of mine, we went to the grainary and picked up grain for my horses and then stopped at some local dive. Where I proceeded to order blueberry pancakes with SF syrup. I ate about 1/2 of one pancake. Then we decided to go look at a riding mule for sale. I so wanted to buy her but buying is the cheap part of owning another animal it is the feeding and vet keep after owning that cost.. So despite my wanting, I was able to walk away without purchasing her even though she had the kindest, most sweetest eyes.. and well I just really can't afford it.. Anyways I lost track of my original subject, after that we decided that we would go grab some Thia food. I ate most all of my cup of wanton soup, 2 crab cheeses, and about 3/4 cup of my Thia food with rice.. Boy I felt like a pig!!! BUT WAIT... It does not stop there, after awhile I went home and my cousin Dawn showed up. She asked me to go for a little ride with her and I did, on the way back she was hungry so we ended up stopping at another restaurant. I was not really gonna eat but the temptation was too overwhelming. I ended up having some chips & cheeses as well as 1/2 a turkey Ruben and a couple of French fries... THIS was probably the most food in one day that I have eaten since my surgery..and I felt terrible about it. Sunday I woke up and decided that I was not gonna repeat the mistakes of Saturday but geeze I had all those leftovers in the frig.. So I ended up eating the 1/2 of sandwich for breakfast and some left over Thia food for dinner... (still have some left) BUT I was way more physically active Sunday then Saturday. I went to an auction for a bit and then came home and tackled the lawn cutting as well as cutting and weed pulling in my front pasture by the barn.. It was looking quite bad.. It is amazing how thing just kinda sneak up on you and then all of a sudden you see it and go Crap that looks like shit! That is pretty much what happened. I went riding by myself Sunday with my horse Copper and when I was coming back from my ride I saw it and said to myself that I needed to get moving and get that cleaned up, so that is what I did!!

MY ride on Copper was really good. He was a bit spooky going by himself without a buddy with him but he did fine and we made it home safe and sound . I was really concentrating on my posture and such with the ride as believe it or not it is great exercise for your stomach , thighs and butt. I am really gonna try to ride everyday so that I can firm up those nasty areas of mine. and what better exercise then doing something that I love. I will still do other exercise but I am gonna take advantage of the cool riding weather while I can.

Health wise things are going good at least as far as I know. I am taking my vitamins and well still slacking on my protein but I think I am getting more then I was before. My hair is not falling out as bad as it was, so that is a real good thing. However, I have some concern that I might be developing an ulcer. I have been having some pain that is familiar with ulcer pain (since I have had them before) but at the same time I am almost wondering whether or not it has anything to do with with my gallbladder as while I am not having any serious attacks it has been paining me some and this stomach pain as coincides with that pain. Just my thoughts on it and well since I am not a doctor who knows. I will go in eventually if it gets worse but right now I am thinking I will hold off. Specially since I have been trying new foods and that could be causing some of the discomfort.

Well this is a new week, a fresh start and and hopefully a week that will bring me to the 3 digit weight loss.

Think Thin everyone

Oh SOOOO close

Boy talk about be right on the edge.

Last weeks Weight Loss -1 lb for a total of -96lbs

This weeks weigh Loss -3lbs

GRAND TOTAL OF - 99lbs gone !!! Talk about being so close..

Well I am sure that next week will be the week that I can officially say I am down over 100 lbs.. I have allot of work to do this weekend as well as some fun stuff planned so I am sure that I will be burning some calories and that will push me over that edge. I am so close I can taste it..lol.. hopefully not really, as tasting could cause me to gain weight..lol..

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine and he is such a good boost to ones ego.. As I walked out of my house he was like "wooo hoooo look at you !!!" and said for the first time since I had surgery that I actually looked to him like a totally different person. He said he could always see the weight loss but now I look totally different.. and then of course added that I was always a beautiful person anyways no matter what I weighed... AHHHH isn't that sweet!!! too bad he is unavailable. Anyways it is such a boost to the ego to hear such nice compliments and hope they never end. But of course this is probably why they call the first year after surgery the honeymoon period. Like all honeymoons the good times will come to a halt eventually and everything will become routine .. At least so I hear.

Onto another subject. Are there any Survivor fans out there??? I love that show and last night was the season premier. That is probably the only show on TV that I will go out of my way to make sure I watch, however I was not that impressed last night and hope that it gets a little better, I did unfortunately miss the first 45 mins or so but I can catch up on that later. It is always sad to me that they vote the older people out so quickly I always am routing for the underdogs.. Anyone out there have any thought on the subject or any early predictions as to who will win?

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend and does at least one thing that is fun!! As fellow blogger Alan says.. Think Thin..

Take care Me-chele

Eating.

It seems like I have been doing allot of it these past few days. Although my lot compared to what it used to be is nothing much at all. But I have been feeling kinda guilty about it, so that must mean I am doing something bad. I really need to start making a food journal but I have enough trouble remembering everything I have to do now let alone adding one more thing to my good intentions list. Anyways, I have been eating what seems like too much and and I have been getting a few tummy aches, nauseousness and just plain old crappy feeling. I have even felt like I am having stomach ulcer pain as well as my gall bladder has been acting up some. I really have kinda expected the gall bladder stuff as they should have taken it out when I had the surgery done originally but that is a whole other story and well I certainly am not a doctor nor did I get to see my insides so I have no idea whether they made a better decision or not.


Well anyways I am not sure what to think about my eating . As here is what I ate yesterday and it seems or at least felt like I ate way too much.. What do you think?


1 Protein shake in the am
1-1/2"x1-1/2" square of spinach pie
2 inch piece of chicken pita w/mayo
1 cracker
about 10 sunchips - garden salsa flavored
3oz of meat loaf with some baby roasted baby red potatoes with mushrooms and onions
2 piece of sugar free licorice.


That is it, I guess it is not really too bad as far as amounts but maybe it is the kind of food that is what is bothering me. Not to mention I also made a huge mistake in finding all that sugar free candy stuff. I should have just bought one bag and that is it.. But NOOOOO I had to buy a bunch of different kinds and rather then save it for my protein ice cream treat I had to sample them all. And let me tell you that did NOT work out to my advantage, having just one piece a day is fine but the having 5 or 6 pieces is not a good recipe. I have totally learned my lesson on eating too much of those Sunday/Monday night and will not make that mistake again.


I also have gone way off track with weighing myself. I am so wanting to be able to say that I am down over a 100lbs that I keep weighing myself everyday and I am only driving myself crazy doing that. The scale is fluctuating so badly. At night I will be down 3 lbs and the next morning I will have gained 4.. It is making me nuts and I need to stop!!! but I am basically hovering at the same 96lbs so I am thinking I must be at a stall.. But being at that 100lb mark is something that I just can't get out of my head.. You would think that being so obsessed with it would make me eat less then it has but I guess my mind just does not work the way it should...lol I am thinking that I will never, ever have to worry about having any eating disorders.


Well I guess I need to get moving. My mind is going a mile a minute and I need to get back to focusing on my work.. Sorry the post is so jumbled today ..



Take care, Mechele

My Next 38 years

Waiting to be seated for dinner on the night of my birthday Weight Loss -96lbs
Picture of us after filling our bellies.. Left side front to back ..
My cousins Ashleigh, Bonnie, ME, and my sister Rena'
Right side front to back - my cousin Lani, in her arms Jakkoby, Cousin Zac, Aunt Iris and cousin Dawn.

It was a very nice dinner and I had a good time. I rec'd from my cousins and Aunt, the Ice Cream maker I wanted as a birthday present and I have already made and ate my first batch of Protein Ice cream.. It was not too bad. I made my favorite Choco chip mint. I think since it was my first batch that it will get better as I go along and get the bugs out. I am not much of a cook or experimenter so it will take me a bit to get it down pat but for the first batch it was still pretty darn good and I ate it all. It is amazing, if you actually look in the stores you will see how much stuff is actually made sugar free and still taste good.. Of course, regardless of whether it is SF or not you have to use in moderation. To make the CHOCO mint Ice cream I found the SF Andes Mint patties as well as SF Peanut Butter cups that I can use on another batch of ice cream.

Now to my next 38 years.. I certainly can't begin to speculate just exactly what these years will bring but I am certainly hoping for a dramatic change at least in the near future. My weight is coming off and that is allowing for more confidence and of course better health.. It really is life altering, people who are not overweight do not realize what we go through, mentally/physically as well as what we endure from other people. Yesterday I decided that I was gonna go out and about, I needed some water and such from Sam's club as well as I decided I would do visit and start getting back involved with a Animal charity called adopt - a - pet. I was very active with them before surgery in fostering unwanted animals as well as helping in other events. Anyways, when I walked into the animal shelter no one knew who I was right away. I waited for a bit and finally one of the volunteers said "OH MY GOD..Look at you" She was simply floored with the transformation so far. After that other volunteers finally recognized me as the same person from 4 months ago and were simply amazed at the difference. Boy did that make me feel good.

The other thing that I noticed yesterday was that people really do treat you different when they see you as disgustingly fat compared to just overweight. After a while I kinda made it a game to see and observe other people and what they did or said to me compared to before. For instance.. While I was out I stopped at a farmers market/craft show and there was a booth that was selling baked goods. I stopped and bought some fresh baked dog treats. There was an older lady and husband running it with the help of what I will assume was there son. ( mid 30 or so I would say and very good looking) Anyways, I bought the dog treats and the good looking guy went out of his way, grabbed a bag of over sized sugar cookies handed them to me and said that he wanted me to have them as an extra gift. While of course I did not really want them as I can't eat them, I was certainly not about to say no...lol.. anyways while nothing came of it I took it as a hint of flirtation as he made direct eye contact with me on several occasions. That is something that when I was heavier did not happen, most strangers whether they were men or women would not make direct eye contact. After this I went to Sam's club and found the same thing, people were more receptive in speaking with you, they made direct eye contact and they did NOT hug the walls as you walked by them in the isle. I am sure the fact that I am displaying more confidence in myself helps allot but I have never been a shy person by any means so talking to strangers or whatever was never a problem on my part, so I guess basically what I am trying to get across to everyone is that even though you probably don't think you are treating some one differently you might subconsciously be doing just that. Being that I am experienced at the receiving end of both kind of behavior I am really gonna make a conscience effort to treat everyone the same.. I will be mean to everyone....lol... just kidding.. I really am gonna make the effort to make sure that I do not intentionally treat anyone differently based on appearances and I hope you all try and do the same.

This week is gonna be a busy one, lots to do and get accomplished. I am hoping that it will be a very productive week and have plenty of good intentions, too many to list..lol..

I hope everyone has a good week and Happy Monday !