Internet dating

Do any of you single people out there do that.. I have decided that being my new found semi-confidence that I would attempt to get back into the dating scene and the reason I say Semi confidence is because I still have issue with how I look but I am getting better.

It has been awhile since I dated or even attempted to date and that has basically been nobodies fault but my own. I have had no self confidence in myself and quite frankly did not want to have to deal with the hurtfulness of others. I just could not deal with rejections. I know everyone always says that if people can't see your inner beauty then they are not worth knowing but come on .. be real.. I know that for the most part that looks do mean allot to people and well if I certainly could not stand myself and my looks how on earth could I expect someone else too. I live in the real world of hurt and rejections from people and let me tell you it is not fun and way more common then most average weight or thin people think. But anyways I have taken the plunge and signed up for a couple of singles sites. Who knows if anything will come from it and I will certainly make sure I weed out the weirdos and I can tell you that there have been a couple of them already. I just don't get how anyone who starts off by telling me that they think I am sexy and could be the one for them by viewing one picture and a profile read is really got all his brain functions..lol.. but I am gonna keep the faith that if I am a nice person who is mostly a sane individual and not a crazy stalker and really genuinely trying to find someone who could be the one, then I must believe that there are other "normal" people out there trying to do the same. So we will see how it goes and just take it day by day.. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I also need to really get focused on my eating.. I feel like I am out of control and need to take back control. I have been going out to eat quite often and It needs to stop. While I still have not ate any sugar or pop or fast food for that matter. Restaurant food is not always a great choice either. I am thinking that I need to go back to the beginning and kind of do a couple of days with nothing but my protein shakes and liquid diet stuff, so that I can get myself back on track as well as possibly jump start the weight loss not to mention get on an actual exercise routine and stick with it.

Well anyways I guess that is all for now. I best get on with my day and make it a productive one.

Talk to you soon Mechele

Oh BOY

Did I eat allot this weekend. At least on Saturday I did. Not sure what came over me but it seemed like it was non-stop I actually went to 3 restaurants that day and that is something I did not do when I was at my fattest..lol It started off early in the morning when I woke up and had a 1/4 of a left over club sandwich with some Sunchips. Now mind you I picked off most of the bread. Then I spent the day with a friend of mine, we went to the grainary and picked up grain for my horses and then stopped at some local dive. Where I proceeded to order blueberry pancakes with SF syrup. I ate about 1/2 of one pancake. Then we decided to go look at a riding mule for sale. I so wanted to buy her but buying is the cheap part of owning another animal it is the feeding and vet keep after owning that cost.. So despite my wanting, I was able to walk away without purchasing her even though she had the kindest, most sweetest eyes.. and well I just really can't afford it.. Anyways I lost track of my original subject, after that we decided that we would go grab some Thia food. I ate most all of my cup of wanton soup, 2 crab cheeses, and about 3/4 cup of my Thia food with rice.. Boy I felt like a pig!!! BUT WAIT... It does not stop there, after awhile I went home and my cousin Dawn showed up. She asked me to go for a little ride with her and I did, on the way back she was hungry so we ended up stopping at another restaurant. I was not really gonna eat but the temptation was too overwhelming. I ended up having some chips & cheeses as well as 1/2 a turkey Ruben and a couple of French fries... THIS was probably the most food in one day that I have eaten since my surgery..and I felt terrible about it. Sunday I woke up and decided that I was not gonna repeat the mistakes of Saturday but geeze I had all those leftovers in the frig.. So I ended up eating the 1/2 of sandwich for breakfast and some left over Thia food for dinner... (still have some left) BUT I was way more physically active Sunday then Saturday. I went to an auction for a bit and then came home and tackled the lawn cutting as well as cutting and weed pulling in my front pasture by the barn.. It was looking quite bad.. It is amazing how thing just kinda sneak up on you and then all of a sudden you see it and go Crap that looks like shit! That is pretty much what happened. I went riding by myself Sunday with my horse Copper and when I was coming back from my ride I saw it and said to myself that I needed to get moving and get that cleaned up, so that is what I did!!

MY ride on Copper was really good. He was a bit spooky going by himself without a buddy with him but he did fine and we made it home safe and sound . I was really concentrating on my posture and such with the ride as believe it or not it is great exercise for your stomach , thighs and butt. I am really gonna try to ride everyday so that I can firm up those nasty areas of mine. and what better exercise then doing something that I love. I will still do other exercise but I am gonna take advantage of the cool riding weather while I can.

Health wise things are going good at least as far as I know. I am taking my vitamins and well still slacking on my protein but I think I am getting more then I was before. My hair is not falling out as bad as it was, so that is a real good thing. However, I have some concern that I might be developing an ulcer. I have been having some pain that is familiar with ulcer pain (since I have had them before) but at the same time I am almost wondering whether or not it has anything to do with with my gallbladder as while I am not having any serious attacks it has been paining me some and this stomach pain as coincides with that pain. Just my thoughts on it and well since I am not a doctor who knows. I will go in eventually if it gets worse but right now I am thinking I will hold off. Specially since I have been trying new foods and that could be causing some of the discomfort.

Well this is a new week, a fresh start and and hopefully a week that will bring me to the 3 digit weight loss.

Think Thin everyone

Oh SOOOO close

Boy talk about be right on the edge.

Last weeks Weight Loss -1 lb for a total of -96lbs

This weeks weigh Loss -3lbs

GRAND TOTAL OF - 99lbs gone !!! Talk about being so close..

Well I am sure that next week will be the week that I can officially say I am down over 100 lbs.. I have allot of work to do this weekend as well as some fun stuff planned so I am sure that I will be burning some calories and that will push me over that edge. I am so close I can taste it..lol.. hopefully not really, as tasting could cause me to gain weight..lol..

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine and he is such a good boost to ones ego.. As I walked out of my house he was like "wooo hoooo look at you !!!" and said for the first time since I had surgery that I actually looked to him like a totally different person. He said he could always see the weight loss but now I look totally different.. and then of course added that I was always a beautiful person anyways no matter what I weighed... AHHHH isn't that sweet!!! too bad he is unavailable. Anyways it is such a boost to the ego to hear such nice compliments and hope they never end. But of course this is probably why they call the first year after surgery the honeymoon period. Like all honeymoons the good times will come to a halt eventually and everything will become routine .. At least so I hear.

Onto another subject. Are there any Survivor fans out there??? I love that show and last night was the season premier. That is probably the only show on TV that I will go out of my way to make sure I watch, however I was not that impressed last night and hope that it gets a little better, I did unfortunately miss the first 45 mins or so but I can catch up on that later. It is always sad to me that they vote the older people out so quickly I always am routing for the underdogs.. Anyone out there have any thought on the subject or any early predictions as to who will win?

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend and does at least one thing that is fun!! As fellow blogger Alan says.. Think Thin..

Take care Me-chele

Eating.

It seems like I have been doing allot of it these past few days. Although my lot compared to what it used to be is nothing much at all. But I have been feeling kinda guilty about it, so that must mean I am doing something bad. I really need to start making a food journal but I have enough trouble remembering everything I have to do now let alone adding one more thing to my good intentions list. Anyways, I have been eating what seems like too much and and I have been getting a few tummy aches, nauseousness and just plain old crappy feeling. I have even felt like I am having stomach ulcer pain as well as my gall bladder has been acting up some. I really have kinda expected the gall bladder stuff as they should have taken it out when I had the surgery done originally but that is a whole other story and well I certainly am not a doctor nor did I get to see my insides so I have no idea whether they made a better decision or not.


Well anyways I am not sure what to think about my eating . As here is what I ate yesterday and it seems or at least felt like I ate way too much.. What do you think?


1 Protein shake in the am
1-1/2"x1-1/2" square of spinach pie
2 inch piece of chicken pita w/mayo
1 cracker
about 10 sunchips - garden salsa flavored
3oz of meat loaf with some baby roasted baby red potatoes with mushrooms and onions
2 piece of sugar free licorice.


That is it, I guess it is not really too bad as far as amounts but maybe it is the kind of food that is what is bothering me. Not to mention I also made a huge mistake in finding all that sugar free candy stuff. I should have just bought one bag and that is it.. But NOOOOO I had to buy a bunch of different kinds and rather then save it for my protein ice cream treat I had to sample them all. And let me tell you that did NOT work out to my advantage, having just one piece a day is fine but the having 5 or 6 pieces is not a good recipe. I have totally learned my lesson on eating too much of those Sunday/Monday night and will not make that mistake again.


I also have gone way off track with weighing myself. I am so wanting to be able to say that I am down over a 100lbs that I keep weighing myself everyday and I am only driving myself crazy doing that. The scale is fluctuating so badly. At night I will be down 3 lbs and the next morning I will have gained 4.. It is making me nuts and I need to stop!!! but I am basically hovering at the same 96lbs so I am thinking I must be at a stall.. But being at that 100lb mark is something that I just can't get out of my head.. You would think that being so obsessed with it would make me eat less then it has but I guess my mind just does not work the way it should...lol I am thinking that I will never, ever have to worry about having any eating disorders.


Well I guess I need to get moving. My mind is going a mile a minute and I need to get back to focusing on my work.. Sorry the post is so jumbled today ..



Take care, Mechele

My Next 38 years

Waiting to be seated for dinner on the night of my birthday Weight Loss -96lbs
Picture of us after filling our bellies.. Left side front to back ..
My cousins Ashleigh, Bonnie, ME, and my sister Rena'
Right side front to back - my cousin Lani, in her arms Jakkoby, Cousin Zac, Aunt Iris and cousin Dawn.

It was a very nice dinner and I had a good time. I rec'd from my cousins and Aunt, the Ice Cream maker I wanted as a birthday present and I have already made and ate my first batch of Protein Ice cream.. It was not too bad. I made my favorite Choco chip mint. I think since it was my first batch that it will get better as I go along and get the bugs out. I am not much of a cook or experimenter so it will take me a bit to get it down pat but for the first batch it was still pretty darn good and I ate it all. It is amazing, if you actually look in the stores you will see how much stuff is actually made sugar free and still taste good.. Of course, regardless of whether it is SF or not you have to use in moderation. To make the CHOCO mint Ice cream I found the SF Andes Mint patties as well as SF Peanut Butter cups that I can use on another batch of ice cream.

Now to my next 38 years.. I certainly can't begin to speculate just exactly what these years will bring but I am certainly hoping for a dramatic change at least in the near future. My weight is coming off and that is allowing for more confidence and of course better health.. It really is life altering, people who are not overweight do not realize what we go through, mentally/physically as well as what we endure from other people. Yesterday I decided that I was gonna go out and about, I needed some water and such from Sam's club as well as I decided I would do visit and start getting back involved with a Animal charity called adopt - a - pet. I was very active with them before surgery in fostering unwanted animals as well as helping in other events. Anyways, when I walked into the animal shelter no one knew who I was right away. I waited for a bit and finally one of the volunteers said "OH MY GOD..Look at you" She was simply floored with the transformation so far. After that other volunteers finally recognized me as the same person from 4 months ago and were simply amazed at the difference. Boy did that make me feel good.

The other thing that I noticed yesterday was that people really do treat you different when they see you as disgustingly fat compared to just overweight. After a while I kinda made it a game to see and observe other people and what they did or said to me compared to before. For instance.. While I was out I stopped at a farmers market/craft show and there was a booth that was selling baked goods. I stopped and bought some fresh baked dog treats. There was an older lady and husband running it with the help of what I will assume was there son. ( mid 30 or so I would say and very good looking) Anyways, I bought the dog treats and the good looking guy went out of his way, grabbed a bag of over sized sugar cookies handed them to me and said that he wanted me to have them as an extra gift. While of course I did not really want them as I can't eat them, I was certainly not about to say no...lol.. anyways while nothing came of it I took it as a hint of flirtation as he made direct eye contact with me on several occasions. That is something that when I was heavier did not happen, most strangers whether they were men or women would not make direct eye contact. After this I went to Sam's club and found the same thing, people were more receptive in speaking with you, they made direct eye contact and they did NOT hug the walls as you walked by them in the isle. I am sure the fact that I am displaying more confidence in myself helps allot but I have never been a shy person by any means so talking to strangers or whatever was never a problem on my part, so I guess basically what I am trying to get across to everyone is that even though you probably don't think you are treating some one differently you might subconsciously be doing just that. Being that I am experienced at the receiving end of both kind of behavior I am really gonna make a conscience effort to treat everyone the same.. I will be mean to everyone....lol... just kidding.. I really am gonna make the effort to make sure that I do not intentionally treat anyone differently based on appearances and I hope you all try and do the same.

This week is gonna be a busy one, lots to do and get accomplished. I am hoping that it will be a very productive week and have plenty of good intentions, too many to list..lol..

I hope everyone has a good week and Happy Monday !

Too good to be true

I knew it was probably to good to be true about the 100lb mark so I am glad I did not make it an official weight. The weight loss did not end up being so good but at least I did not gain from my last official weight loss last week and since my monthly enemy has decided to pay a visit I will assume that is some of the blame.

This weeks weight loss -1lb

Grand total - 96lbs gone

Well I guess that means I have at least one more week to stall and get over my issues of the big weight reveal..

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I woke up yesterday morning and was looking at myself naked in the mirror.. I so did not like what I saw. I have a ton of hanging skin already and to make matters worse it is not proportionate hanging skin, there are areas that hang more, hang less, hang uneven... not a pretty sight. So with that observation I decided I had better get to the gym and start working out and shaping up before I become a big pile of blob and they make another return of the blob movie based after me. I was very disappointed when I got to the gym, I was gonna have them take my measurements once again and compare them with the first ones they did a few months. To my dismay I found out that they throw away the cards with measurements on them after 3 months if they have not been used again.. I did not know that and so now I have no starting point measurements so I can't tell you exactly how many inches I have lost so far. But I will make sure to keep closer tabs on it from now on so that I can keep accurate records.

Well tomorrow is my Birthday and it is just another day.. Every year I think about what I want to with my next year and it seems that every year goes by faster & Faster with less time to accomplish things. Here I am another year gone by(38 now) and no closer to doing anything different then I did the year before. Still single, still financially strapped no matter how hard I work and still not entirely happy with myself.. I think once again that this all falls under the "Good Intentions" Blog that I wrote about a while back.. I still have the good intentions to make the changes that I need to make but I guess I just am a little slower at it then most. I have no big plans or anything tomorrow so I guess I will just be playing it by ear, probably do dinner somewhere and maybe some horseback riding during the day.

Take are everyone and I wish you all a great weekend!!!

Till Monday, Mechele

SOOOO tired

Not sure what is going on other then my long weekend with no vitamins and protein, as well as the extreme heat really took its toll on me. I have been very tired since returning home and have had no energy to do anymore then what I have to. I have, of course, gotten back on my vitamin routine and have not missed any but it will probably take a bit to get my body caught back up. I had a pretty rough morning Wednesday as my gut was killing me with cramping and diarrhea and then I also had a bit of nausea and vomiting. I assume that it is related to my surgery but one never knows. I mean I just automatically think that any type of illness I have stomach or gut wise is because of the surgery but realistically who knows maybe I just have a little bit of a stomach flu which is also why I am so fatigued. I wonder how you are supposed to be able to know and distinguish between the two. I guess that is why they have doctors, but since it only lasted the morning there was no need to go. Not that I would have gone anyways even if it did last longer. ..lol


My protein intake is still giving me issues.. Of course the issue is that I am not taking in what I am supposed to be. I just have developed a hate for the protein powders/shakes, I do eat some of the protein bars but they are not supposed to be for everyday and I do make sure when I eat my meals that I eat all my protein foods first before anything else. I think, However, I have found the solution.. Protein Ice cream!!! Ice cream is one of my very favorite things and there is another fellow blogger who has a ton of recipes for different flavored homemade protein Ice cream. So for my birthday present to myself (I decided against the new outfit as I think this is more important right now and since money is tight I need to be wise with it) I decided to buy myself and inexpensive Ice cream maker so I can experiment with the protein ice cream recipes that I have found on the link below "The world according to eggface" I am really hoping that this will be my savior as eating ice cream would never be considered a hardship for me...lol I can't wait to get my new toy and try it out.

My hair is definitely getting thinner but so far it is not noticeable to anyone except to myself. I do find that some days the hair loss is worse then others, for awhile I even thought it had stopped but then it will start back up again and specially after this past weekend the hair loss has been quite a bit.

On a brighter note I was outside for a few minutes today talking with my neighbor, after a little bit his wife came out and was surprised that it was me. She said that she had looked outside and seen her husband talking to someone but had no idea who it was. She did not realize that it was me!! Being all the weight I have lost she did not recognize me a first.. How cool is that!! I can't wait to see the reactions of other people that I have not seen in a very long time, I am sure it will be great for my ego ! And I certainly can't wait to show off to all those men, who would not give me the time of day because they could not look past my outer self to my inner self. Boy won't they sure realize that it is there loss and not mine..lol.. (gee I am not bitter at all...lol..)

Well I guess that is all for now. I am very tired and ready to lay down and go to bed. Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday and remember to check back on Friday morning to see if I have been able to maintain my 101 lb loss. I have NOT cheated at all and weighed myself since Monday so I am really hoping that I do OK.. Although it may be a tad difficult as my monthly enemy is making its way for a visit. I am not expecting to lose anymore I just don't want to gain anything.. I absolutely love this 100lb threshold.

what a difference 100 lbs can make

It is amazing... Just the mental aspect of it.. Ever since I weighed myself yesterday I have had this euphoric feeling, the fact that I hit the 100lb mark has just totally given me a mental boost.. I am almost wanting to NOT weigh myself Friday and keep my weight loss amount as is.. I do not want to have any disappointments. Hitting that 100 lb mark just makes me feel mentally skinny. If that makes any sense, it has given me a huge boost to the ego as well as feeling like I have accomplished something. Things are changing so much for me and that it is FANTASTIC.. from the little things like wiping my butt, to being able to bend over to tie my shoes and the big things like the fact that I am no longer feeling uncomfortable with other people I don't know, that I am not worried about them all looking at me with disgust to my fatness and when I walk down an isle, people are not hugging the wall thinking I am taking up all the room and most recently I felt great on my horse and did not feel like people were thinking that the horse should be on my back rather then me on his.

My friend Patty from TN took this picture and sent it to me this morning. I thought I would share it with you. Me & my horse TJ

I also noticed from this picture that I actually have shoulders now, instead of just being a big round ball.

Now also for some other exciting news.. This morning while I was getting dressed I saw a pair of jeans in my closet that I bought like 3 years ago. When I brought them home I realized that I must have been smoking some dope as I somehow had managed to grab a size 16.. I never bothered to take them back and they have been hanging there ever since. Well this morning I grabbed them and said to my dog Porter, half heartily "lets see if they fit" Well imagine my surprise when they went on AND I was actually able to button them as well as zip them up!!!!! I was absolutely AMAZED!!! Now mind you they were a tad snug but they were on none the less. So I am guessing that I should now be wearing a size 18 very comfortably but I don't know for sure as other then those wayward jeans the smallest size in my closet is a 20 and those are fitting rather loose now. This weekend is my birthday so maybe I will treat myself to an inexpensive outfit somewhere other then lane Bryant..

Well I guess that is all my exciting news for the day and as my fellow blogger Alan says "I hope everyone is feeling skinny today"

Home, Home on the range

Hello Y'all,

I am back from my trip to Kentucky and had a pretty decent time..I arrived home at 230 this morning . The camp was very nice and the trails spectacular.. I am a little disappointed that I did not get to ride more then I did but there can always be another time. I did not make a dent on the trails that are there, that is how many there are but all in all I probably rode horseback about 40-50 miles in total. However, I am really happy with how things went with riding. I got to build up a bunch of confidence in my horse riding skills and that was most important. I felt great on the horse and was really able to keep up and most importantly stay on. Unlike someone else I know.. No names mentioned here... My horse T-bone was really trying to be stubborn and get his own way but I was confident enough to keep him in control ..(for the most part anyways) This trip really did allot for my ego and it felt great as I know that before I lost all the weight I would have never been able to handle this trip. The horse riding and work would have been way too much for both me & the horses. I could not have done 1/2 of what I was able to do this weekend. Right down to the fact that I actually got off my horse a few of times mid trail to adjust things and too just take a break.. Before I would NEVER get off once I got on, as without a step stool getting on was impossible.

The weather was very nice but WAY TOO HOT.. When I left Michigan,,the weather said that it was never supposed to be over 82 on any day in KY .. Well they were so wrong, it was 94 everyday with the exception of Sunday and that was crazy weather. I was actually gonna stay an extra day but the residual from Hurricane Ike showed up and knocked out power so there was no water supply for the horses or ourselves. The wind was gusting up to 60 miles an hour and with the dust and flying branches it got kinda crazy.. We were really back in the middle of no where and some of the roads were impassable due to down trees and such so we decided it was best to head on out. As realistically it could have been too dangerous to ride.

This trip was also allot of work.. It is a whole lot harder to take care of 3 horse out of your own element. Because of the heat I think things were made to be even harder. I started out fine but by Saturday evening I was wiped out. I had not been taking any of my vitamins, as it seems that I was just too busy to bother and well a barely ate anything either. I was too busy working and trying to squeeze in everything I wanted to do and stupid me when I did eat I was in a hurry and ended up not chewing like I was supposed to and the having to vomit because I ate to fast and to big of bites. I was really lacking protein and I think that was really taking a toll on me as well as I was probably seriously dehydrated. I did drink a ton of water but sweated it out as fast as I drank.

Now because of the trip I did not weigh in on Friday but did a special weigh in Weds.. I knew without a Shadow of a doubt that I probably lost a bunch of weight while I was gone this weekend so I weighed in this morning.. And guess what? I was right.. As of this morning I am down -101lbs that is another -6lbs since Weds. But I am NOT making this an official weigh in as because of the circumstances of losing it I may gain some back before official weigh day of Friday.. So everyone keep your fingers crossed that I maintain where I am at right now for Fridays weigh in.

Hope everyone is doing OK and I will talk with you all later..

Happy Trails!!

Well the day is finally here, I am leaving for my big trip to KY and the Wrangler Horse Camp.. I am very excited to be doing this and am looking forward to some fun and new adventures. I have everything ready and just have to load up horses and be on my way.. I hope I did not forget anything but I am sure I didn't, I probably have way more stuff then I need.

Being that I will not be here to post on Friday I did a special weigh in today. I was really hoping that I would be at the 100 lb mark today but I did not make it. Oh well I gave it a great shot and came pretty darn close specially since I had a weight gain from last week.

Last weeks weight gain of 1lb for a total of -89lbs gone

This week LOSS -6 lbs...(Yippie) for a grand total of 95lbs gone.....

How exciting and sooo close to where I wanted to be. Who would have thought that I could lose so much weight in just a short time. This week weigh in also crossed a new threshold. If you remember from other posts I had lost weight before, gained it back +17lbs.. I am have now officially re-lost all that weight + a few extra pounds... I am now the lowest weight that I have been in probably 10+ years... How exciting is that.. I am also almost 2/3 of the way to my total weight loss goal.. I am sure that by next week weigh in I will be down my 100lbs and then as promised before, I will have to reveal my official start weight. I am still not really comfortable with that but a promise is a promise, I have a week or so to get over it..

Well this is gonna be a short post as I need to get dressed and head out. I am not sure whether or not I will be posting till I get back but I will try if I can get access to a computer and let you all know how things are going.

Happy Trails to you until we meet again.

Here's to a better week.

At least I hope... I figure if I say and think it enough it will happen. You know something like subliminal messaging.

Anyways, this weekend was pretty good. Got a great work out on Saturday. Went early in the morning and picked up another 100 bales of hay. That is a load off my mind as I was really worried about getting hay for my horses this year, prices went up so dramatically and people are hoarding all there hay hoping that the shortage will drive up prices even further this winter. But I had to load and unload them all that day and that is a great workout. My brother did come and help me which is a good thing.. Afterwards me & Randy took 2 horses to a nearby equestrian park and rode what is a judged trail ride. It is a trail ride through the woods and it has specific obstacles set up and at different points throughout.. You are judge as to how well your horse handles the situation. It was pretty fun and we both did very well. My brother was pretty sore the next day but I felt great..

I also am trying to get ready for my trip coming up .. I am leaving in weds morning and I hope everything goes well. I am really looking forward to this ride. I spent all day yesterday getting tack and such ready. Boy sometimes I think it is harder to get horses & gear ready then it is to have a bunch of kids. I am taking all 3 of my horses which mean I have to bring enough food, hay, buckets , and saddles and of course a bunch of other extra tack as I may need it if something breaks. I am loaded to the gills and more then likely will only need 1/2 of it. lol.. you know you always bring too much. But I guess better safe then sorry as It is not like I will be close to home and can run back and get something.

Now on to my health. I am feeling pretty good but this weekend I did really bad in the protein department. I really did not eat much at all, I was just too busy. (90 lbs ago I would have spent the weekend on the couch) I need to stay on top of my protein but for some reason when it comes to protein I just can't get enough I have no problems at all with taking my vitamins and such but protein is a whole other story. I would like to think I lost some poundage this weekend too but being that I did not eat much I probably stayed the same as my body probably went into starvation mode. It is very strange that I now don't think of food the way I used to. (at least for the most part) I mean before my whole day would consist of figuring out what my next meal will be and now it is the exact opposite. I now have to make a conscience effort to remember to eat specially if I am busy or unless I am stressed out, then the evil part of mind takes over.

Well I guess that it all for now. I hope you all have a great Monday !!

Perfect end to a perfectly crappy week

Gee, do you catch a little sarcasm in that? Well I was actually really looking forward to today's weigh in. All week long I have actually felt like I was losing weight. You know when you wake up in the morning and your body just feels like it has lost some. Well all week I have felt like that, I really was anticipating some loss. Well guess what? I was wrong!!!

Last weeks total weight loss was 90lbs

This weeks weigh in.. Weight GAIN of +1 lb

Total weight loss - 89 lbs..

How in the world can that be??? I know I am being very hard on myself right now and I should really be happy. In my head I know that there is no way in this world that I am not gonna continue to lose weight but I am just very disappointed right now. My life, in a word right now, totally sucks at the moment with work and other stress, so these weekly weight losses have been the highlight of my dismal weeks.. and since this week is obviously not a good one you can imagine how let down I feel.

Oh I know, I am just having a total pity party right now, but I guess I am entitle to feel the way I feel. I guess I just have to get past it and focus on next week.. But I think it is safe to say that I will not hit my 100 pound mark by the 10th of this month. I will be doing a weigh in the 10th just to see how close I come.

My body is also really sore today. I took a fall off my horse on Weds, and yesterday when I woke up I was surprised that I did not feel any soreness but as the day went on my muscles started to feel it and well this morning I am feeling it more. I also wonder if the fact that I am really stressed right now and that I am a heart attack waiting to happen is possibly causing the weight gain. I know stress really plays havoc on your body and can cause you many issues. Also if you remember from my older post I mentioned that doctor thought my vomiting was caused by stress and the tension that it was putting on my esophagus and she was absolutely right because I have been dealing with that vomiting reflex allot the last couple of days.

I know this is a downer post today, and I feel bad about it. I have been really trying hard to NOT be so pessimistic and down the last couple months and I think I have done a pretty good job. But today and this week I have to make an exception. But I guess things will get better, they always do and I will get through it and boy I hope I can laugh about it in a few years.

I am gonna try to switch up my diet a bit the next few days.. Sometime I think your body does tend to get used to things and maybe if I change things a bit I will get the weight loss flowing again. I think maybe I will really try and focus on making sure I get my protein shakes in.. Kinda like my pre-surgery diet and see what happens besides that I really need to focus on getting more protein anyways so this will help with that and maybe slow down the hair loss as yes it is still coming out. Thankfully I have allot of hair and can afford to lose some.

Well I guess that is it for today, I have probably depressed you all enough as it is.. This weekend will be a busy one as I have tons of stuff to do before I go on my little trip Weds and I have to again do my uncles chores at his horse farm for the weekend so I will be pretty darn active which is good. It will be good to keep my mind active on other things.

Everyone have a great weekend and I will talk to you later

Stress & Eating

I know I have posted about this before but it is something that is such a big part of my personality, for lack of better terminology. Yesterday was a VERY stressful day. It started off fun & exciting but ended up rather dismal to include the fact that my horse T-bone ended up with several stitches in his head and me with a vet bill I really did not need to deal with but just like with kids you always have those unexpected bills. That, of course, was not all that happened yesterday and I won't bore you with all the details but lets just say that if this was BS time (before surgery) I would have ate my weight in food and then some.

But anyways, as with allot of things that have changed with my surgery stress eating is one of them, whether it is the surgery that has helped me deal with it or the fact that I am re-training my brain is yet to be determined because I personally think that it is a combination of both. Yesterday I found myself going to the refrigerator and pantry a million and one times, just opening the door and looking, looking for something good to eat. Did I eat?? not always as thankfully I really have nothing in my house to eat as I don't buy many groceries anymore, but I did find myself grazing quite a bit specially towards nightfall when the pressures of the days events had time to settle in and started making me mad and anxious. But here is the difference, when I did go to the frig and grab something it was healthy foods and every time I started to eat it I felt guilty and would stop and throw it away or my trusty dog Porter got an unexpected treat. So here I am this morning thinking about everything that I did eat yesterday and really I did not do so bad. Here is the list:

1- protein bar for breakfast 190 calories 20 grams of protein
20oz glass of skim milk & lactaid mixed with a splash of Sugar Free choco Syrup
@3oz or so of left over Japanese steak house food (incidentally if you remember my other post I got 4 more meals out of those leftovers)
1 pc of spinach pie (approx 1" x 2" diameter)
1 piece of string cheese
handful of pretzels dipped in cheese and those little goldfish crackers
water or SF koolaide

and that is all. Realistically that probably only adds up to about 1000 calories if that and realistically thinking I guess I am more aware mentally of my stress eating problem then I thought I was as I am able to actually keep myself in check for the most part (pretzels and Goldfish are not the best choices but hey there are a whole lot worse) Again that asks the question of whether or not the surgery is the reason or whether I am mentally finding ways to deal with it. What do you think?? I am now, as I am writing this, really leaning toward the surgery helping me because if I were to be honest with myself, without me having this surgery, yesterday would have been a food fatality day for me. This surgery prevented me from overeating anything that I put in my mouth and having the surgery has also FORCED me to take a good long look at all my past bad habits and addictions, it FORCED me to think about everything I was putting in my mouth yesterday and most importantly WHY I was putting it in my mouth yesterday, was it because I was hungry, was it because I needed my protein or was it because I was just stressed?

I am not exactly sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, as I stated in the past I am just one of those people who need drastic measures to get my ass in gear and to make changes that need to be made.

What is your opinion?? I would love to hear it.

My truck seat

Well I was driving to work this morning and I had a realization. I noticed again that I was not very comfortable while driving, I have noticed it in the recent past but since I have not driven any real long distances I did not pay it much attention. Well today while taking the journey to our office in Howell It dawned on me. My truck seat was adjusted to fit a much fatter MEchele. I realized that by losing the weight that I am now sitting too far back and not sitting as high up as I was before. The Fat in my butt must have decreased enough to make the difference.. I actually had to move the seat forward to make the adjustments.

It continues to amaze me at how much being overweight effects the everyday things in life. The above is just one thing that you don't really think about. I have also noticed some other little things such as my hearing aids. I have noticed that they are loser inside my ears and tend to come out of my ears much easier.. Who would have thought that you could have too much fat inside your ears and that my feet are actually not as wide as they were before. I hope that as time goes on will continue to be amazed by the changes that happen.

Did everyone have a great weekend? Mine was pretty uneventful, Had the garage sale for a couple of days and then picked up a supply of hay for my horses. That is a work out in itself loading and unloading 90 bales of hay in the hot, humid weather. But the fact that I could even do it was a great thing because 90 lbs ago me, climbing around on a stack of hay was not something that could be done easily or gracefully..lol

I also went out yesterday for a nice dinner at a favorite place of mine.. A Japanese Steakhouse, it is the first time I have been there since my surgery.. I sat there watching them make all the foods on the grill in front of us and reflected back to the past times that I have been there. I remembered that I used to think that they were not making enough food to eat and that I was always scared that I would not get enough. Now after the surgery I was sitting there thinking Holy Crap! that is allot of food. I came home with my take out box filled to the top and I am sure I will be able to get another 4 meals out of it, before surgery I would eat every bite while there and not have any left overs.

Well I guess that is all for now, I got a ton of work to do.. Talk to you soon.