I bet you all are wondering why

I have not posted about my starting weight.. At least this is something that has been on my mind for quite a while so I thought today would be a good day to talk about it. Any of you who are overweight can probably understand the embarrassment of revealing your actual weight. I am certainly one of those people, my weight to me is a source of constant shame even when I have lost weight in the past I kept my mouth shut on what my actual weight was because usually I was still fat even after losing weight.. For example: 2 years ago I dropped 80lbs yet was still very heavy. There was no way in the world I was gonna make it public knowledge that even after dropping that much weight I was still so much heavier then most everyone around me, not to mention giving my past history of gaining weight back people would for sure know what kinda cow I was.

There are a few people out there that I have told my weight secret to, and for the most part I am pretty sure people can guess just how much I do weigh but for now I am just not ready to share my secret with everyone. This is one of many mental issues that I must deal with in the near future. However, I am willing to make the pledge that on the day the scale shows me I lost 100lbs I will no longer keep my secret. As of this morning I am happy to say I am 1/3 of the way to that 100lb mark. I am down 36 lbs so far from the day I came home from the hospital. But keep in mind I had lost 23 lbs before the surgery on the liquid protein diet but my hospital stay made me gain it all back with water retention. Since leaving the hospital I lost all that again plus an additional 13 lbs. I am told that the weight will come off dramatically the first 6 months to a year and then the weight loss will taper off and stabilize. So we will wait and see what happens.

I am doing much better today and really trying hard to keep my mind occupied with good thoughts. I kinda figure out that I am basically having food withdrawals. Like any addict does when they are not able to get a fix.. and lets face it I am a food addict. I use food like a drug for instant but temporary gratification. Since the surgery I have really been able to see just how much I used food to make me happy. Having this surgery has really opened my eyes and shown me just exactly how bad the problem was/is, the surgery of course has forced me to give up my addiction. Now I just have to really concentrate hard and work at retraining my thought process towards food. I am confident that in time it will get easier & easier.

Here is something for all of you to try and show your support for me .. Give up something you are addicted to for just one day. For example; if you drink soda everyday, give it up for one day. If you eat every night in front of the TV, give it up for a night, if you smoke give it up for a day. By doing this you can experience some of what I am dealing with just now and who knows maybe the one day might lead into something more for you and help you break an unhealthy addiction..

I would love to hear what you plan on giving up so leave me a post and let me know how it goes.