well the weekend was uneventfully. I am still stuck in a bad way right now.. Saturday I was coping ok but here today Sunday night I have spent most of the day crying.. I did not really get off the couch much which of course is the worst thing.. I kept telling myself to get up and clean or do something but the motivation was just not there. I hate this feeling and am not doing a very good job shaking it off. But Monday is a new day an I swear to myself that I WILL get it together. I did find a bariatric support group meeting that I am gonna go to Monday night and hopefully that will help. I have ate crappy food all weekend and of course that is not making me feel all great either. I swear that tomorrow I will get it together specially in the food department I need to crack down and get over this little plateau of no real weight loss to speak of. I have the last 25lbs to lose, 50lbs if I am really lucky and I will be done. It is the bright spot of my life to have lost 3/4 of the weight that I need to lose and if you look at the big picture of that, I am sooooo close.. now if I could get the other parts of my life to be bright spots.. It is very sad for me to be feeling this way.. I guess maybe it has to do with the holidays coming up, I know many people struggle or maybe it is winter blues.. I don't know but I need to find out. I feel like a big loser going through all this and specially talking about it. I know people are getting very tired of hearing me whine all the time and well quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing me whine all the time too..but I guess not tired enough.. I did try to get my prescription for Anti-depressants filled but the prescription expired so I guess the only way to get more would be to go to the doctors, which as I said before I don't have the money right now to do that. My mind is such a jumbled mess.. It never stops thinking about everything and anything and mostly bad or sad things.

well I guess I probably have said to much as it is, you people are probably starting to think I am a huge nuts case, and you might be right. I need to toughen up quick..

A poem I found

Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.
Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.
Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.
Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,
I can at least take comfort in those who really care.
You know who you are, and so do I.
That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.