The "Skinny" On ME-chele

I'm back

2009-02-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I am not sure why that is or whether it is a good thing or a bad thing but whatever the reason I am back posting today. Allot has been going with me some good, nothing too bad but mostly my life is kinda in limbo right now. My weight loss has pretty much completely stalled for the moment or for the past 1-1/2 months and for the most part that is pretty much my fault. I have not been eating the healthiest things out there and I have certainly not done any exercise at all. I need to really start to focus on what is going on with that as I am now starting to wonder if I will ever reach my goal. I am already 9-1/2 months out of surgery and they say that the most weight loss comes off in the first year. I am down 124lbs so far but really need or want to lose another 30lbs if not a little more, so close but yet so far.. It kinda gets a bit depressing when I think about the fact that I have lost so much weight already but yet in others eyes and well my own I am still considered fat. I need to really focus my efforts and let go of all the other shit that rambles thru my brain. So with that being said tomorrow is a new day and we will again make that resolution to do and eat all the right things. But with that being said how much of my issues resolve around my weight? It is easy for me to think that if I could just be thin life would be perfect but it is not all wrapped up in that and that is another thing I need to figure out. Just what is gonna make me happy or am I destined to be the same doom and gloom person I feel like right now.

Well lets talk about the personal life for a bit. I did get a new job it could be just a temporary job for a year but heck we all know allot can happen in a year. It is a new position that I am trying to create so it is a bunch of hard work and kinda overwhelming at times but it is in the construction industry and well I have always been better at that kinda stuff then anything else. ****************************************************************************************
Well here it is Tuesday night now and I started writing this Sunday..lol.. See what I mean I just don't focus on stuff like I used to.. Sunday I was so PMSing and that always messes with my mind... I hate being a women at that time of the month.. But anyways I am feeling better today not so gloomy not so depressing. I really am doing good, things are looking up and I am really looking forward to the summer. I still have yet to find anyone remotely close to being Mr. Right for me but I have been giving it my best shot...have met some real winners...lol.. Here is some highlights

Rich & Hank - While both of these guys are very nice and would pursue something with either one they are either just looking for friendship or super slow in the romance dept But either way they need to shit or get off the pot .

Rich#2 - He is looking for friends with benefits...

Rich # 3 - He just plain ole stood me up and so that makes him total loser and a waste of flesh

Chris - He was a good potential but ruined it the next day after our first date by being way too pushy.. I think his medication wore off or something.. lol

Dan - Never met him but our first conversation was a real winner.. He started off by telling me he was a sniper that was contracted by the state of Michigan to take out whatever targets that needed to be taken out in whatever city that could not afford a swat team...then proceeded to tell me that he was an assassin in the US army and that he had all these top secret missions ( but yet he did all this and got all this security clearance and he only served 4 years) then proceeded to tell me that he also owned 3 businesses and was related to just about every important person around and last but not least he knew, because the government told him, that by the year 2012 the USA would be in one big civil war with each other... and best of all this man lived like 2 miles away from me.. lol.. Wow such an important person living in my little town of Otisville, MI. It makes me feel so much better knowing that someone so important lives so close... NOT!!! Can you say Physco.. He is the one that you read about who goes off the deep end.

Jason - Mr. 3rd date rule -- Why do I call him that ?? Well he came right out and told me when he asked me out for a 3rd date that if I did not put out we were through..lol.. Wrong thing to say to me...lol. I mean come on, have some tack even if that is what you think don't say it out loud. People like me who are very stubborn would not put out even if I wanted to after a comment like that

Then the best loser for last --- that would be Robert ... he was about 15 years older looking then his picture, about 75 lbs heavier also. He was 20 minutes late for our date and that was after I spoke with him on the phone and he told me he lived 5 minutes away and was leaving right then. He then proceeded to tell me and as he said he wanted to be honest (even though I had been talking to him for like a month before I met him) That he had trouble in the past and had just got his driver license back after 10 years of not having it and had to blow every time he started the car. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST..... I only thought this happened on TV.... He "Forgot" his wallet...lol... Can you believe it.. I should have said Oh well so sorry but I am too nice a person to do that.. And after all that he really thought he was gonna have a shot at seeing me again..lol Well I had to tell him that 1st impressions mean a bunch and well his first impression was pretty bad..

So that is it right now on the man thing Unless you count Allen.. He is someone I have been talking to and emailing for a couple of weeks. Have not met him yet but seems nice, I just really have no expectations anymore as one never knows just what you will find when you meet for the 1st time.. and that is even if you end up meeting.. Everyone seems to talk allot of shit and unfortunately that is all it ends up being..shit..

So as I said before I am just gonna take it all in stride and see what happens.. hey if anything it has definitely given me a few laughs from time to time..

as far as anything else goes I just have been busy.. with work and life!! I have done quite a bit of snowmobiling the past month (although the snow is gone now..boo hoo) and also my uncle was sick for quite awhile and I was looking after all his horses and stuff not to mention one of my horse got injured and required constant attention for what was about 3 weeks, he almost lost his eyesight in one eye but all is very well with him now so that is a good thing.. I have done a bit of drinking also over the last 6 weeks, some a bit crazy and some just social but nothing that I think is effecting me badly. I still have not had any sugar and remain completely committed to that, I have been taking my vitamins regularly and must have increased my protein intake enough as my hair has stopped falling out.

Well I guess that is it for now, I am sure I left out a ton of crap but well I am lucky I even remember as much as I have.

Talk to you all soon and think thin.. Mechele

I know I am sorry

2009-01-09T06:59:00.001-08:00

I have been terrible about posting and I am sorry. I have no idea why that is but I really need to get my butt in gear and get back in the swing of things. I seem to be falling off the wagon on quite a few things lately, foods & drinking being the biggest. My weight seems to be at a stand still right now but I am sure that is because of the poor food choices I have been making I have been fluctuating the same 3 lbs for what seems like over a month. I guess the stand still is to be expected as I have lost so much already that it is bound to start to taper off and slow down. I know from talking to people that this happens quite often and to not worry about it as the weight will start coming off again of course I also have to get back to making the right food choices.

Right now as of today's weigh in I am still at an even 120lbs gone. Exactly 20 more lbs till I reach my goal and will be happy, but another 50lbs and I will be ecstatic.. It seems like such a small amount compared to what I have already lost but it definitely seems the hardest of all.

So how was every ones New Years. Mine was great, TN was a fun time as usual, got very drunk which is probably a bad thing..lol.. But it happens so quickly now that it just kinda creeps up on you and the next thing you know I am slurring my words and giggling like an idiot..lol. But it was fun never the less and am looking forward to doing it again. On my flight back to Michigan it was overbooked and I volunteered to get bumped so I was given a $300.00 voucher to fly again sometime so I already have my next plane ticket bought and I can't wait to use it again. Also if you remember from my last post I mentioned that this was the first flight in a long time that I would not be stressing over fitting in the plane seat and you know what... I fit with plenty of room!!!It was kinda funny because I kept looking at the seats thinking that they were bigger then normal...lol.. I also was able to walk down the Isle without having to be turn sideways and not bumping everyone in the isle seats as I went along.

SO what about every ones New Years resolutions.. I have to say that I did not make any because we all know that they only last for a few weeks anyways so why bother. I figure I am just gonna continue to focus on me and keep doing the best I can everyday and go from there. I have had tons of changes this past year and I think I am on enough overload that I do not need to add anything else to it.

Now on to the dating scene. Been talking to a bunch of guys, met a new one last night but I don't know if I will see him again or not. He did not seem to interested in me but after he left the bar I met another guy ..lol.. maybe he will call. I am not stressing about the men thing any longer what happens will happen and I am going with the flow.. Last night when I went out I got tons of compliments and well quite frankly I thought I looked pretty darn hot.. and any man should have loved to have me by there side so as far as I am concerned right now it is there loss..

Well I guess that is it for now. I will try and keep up with my postings from now on. I really have no excuse.

Take care... Mechele

100th Post !!

2008-12-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

Well I know I have not posted in awhile and yes I should have .. Kinda like you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.. But this is my 100th post and I feel like I should maybe post something special.. So I am gonna do the top 10 good things that have changed in my life since the surgery.. In no specific order.

10) I can now wipe my ass with no problems !!! lol
9) I can now squat down and get up without having to grab things for help or have my knees scream at me in pain
8) My energy level and ability to do things has greatly improved. My feet no longer kill me after walking short distances
7) I have started dating again
6) I have started thinking of myself as a normal looking person and not embarrassed when I go to public places and that my socializing or general interaction with people has improved
5) I can ride my horses with ease and not worry about people looking at me funny and wondering whether or not the horse is smaller then me.
4) my body mass index has gone form 53.1 to 34
3) I have gone from a size 28 to a size 16
2) My overall health has improved, no more aches and pains, no more type 2 diabetes
and the #1
I JUST FEEL GREAT about my progress ( with the exception of the depression, which is getting better)

Bonus Good thing... I am a pretty cheap drunk nowadays....lol

So how was everyone's holiday. Mine was quite well actually. I really feel like I did well on the food thing. I did not overdue it by any means and went through the whole holiday season so far and did not even cheat once on the sugar thing.. I ate no cookies, no candy, no nothing with sugar.. That is very impressive if I do say so myself... and something that I am proud of.

I also went and did a little clothes shopping this weekend. I still have to go to the bigger sections in some stuff but it is getting better every time. I did however venture into a normal size clothing store. Which probably was a mistake specially when it was one of those trendy places. They of course did not have anything pant wise in my size but I did try on some shirts. They did not fit ( they only went to a size large I am an XL) but they were not too far off so I am getting very close and that makes me feel good. Maybe another 20 lbs and some more exercise and I should be good to go. And speaking of exercise. My last post I vowed I was going that day to join the local gym and I did do it and I did work out.. the only problem.. That is the only time I have gone since.. I am BAD!!!! I really need to get it in gear.. I was going to go today but the weather is terrible and the wind is very bad. I had a tree come down and of course it crashed right through my fence, so I have been out all afternoon with the chainsaw cutting it up and moving it as well as I had to repair the fence as my horses would have been all over the neighborhood if I did not get it done and I have no time this week to do it.

And why do I not have anytime this week. Well thanks to my cousins I will be flying out to Nashville on NYE (weds) and spending the weekend with them I am really looking forward to having some fun and who knows maybe I will meet some cute rednecks.. I am also really excited because for the 1st time in a long time I am gonna fly on an airplane and I am NOT stressed out about the seats and the seat belts fitting, nor will I have to ask for an extender... that is a big relief to me as well as not having the embarrassment.

Now on to the love life.. It definitely hit a slow spot but then again I was not really all to into either. But I did go out with a new guy last night. Things went well, we just met for drinks and it was an early night as he had to work but he has called me today already so I guess I did not scare him off too much. I am also supposed to go out with another guy tonight maybe but we will see if that pans out .. if not tonight though I am sure we will go out another night. But I am just gonna chill out on it and what happens, happens i am just not gonna stress over it..

Well I guess that is all for now.

Think thin Talk to you later

How was everyones Christas

Good Intentions Part 2

2008-12-17T05:23:00.000-08:00

Well as I am sure you can remember back awhile ago I did a good intentions post.. Well guess what? That post while it was a good intention, Did not do much for me...lol.. I still have the same issues.. I wake up every morning, I have good intentions as to what I want to do but as the day wears on things go to the way side as I get side tracked very easily. Maybe I just have adult A.D.D.. who knows. So once again I am gonna try to work on this. I would rather start now and call this a jump start on my new years resolution that way I may actually do it because as we all know those resolutions start with a bang but then fizzle really fast. I am gonna try to accomplish one small thing everyday that is above and beyond what I have to do anyways I am gonna try and post my intention every morning and if the next day I tell you that I did not do it then you all must jump all over my ass about it.

Today's good intention is that I MUST get my butt over to the local gym and Sign up for 1 month of gym time.. A work out is a must today and hopefully at least 4x a week after that. My skin is getting rather flabby and I think is creating the massive illusion that I am still covered in fat.. I mean when I get into the bathtub I wonder which has more waves, the water or my lose skin..lol.. Anyways this is something I have said for ages now and this is the day I am gonna do it.. I really am wanting to get these last pounds off my body that 199 by 2009 is really sticking in my head. ( Although you would not guess that by how much I ate this week so far)

Also, I think my dating days are done for now. I have talked to a few people but nothing has excited me. The guys I would like to talk to want nothing to do with me and the one I don't want, Who are probably all the desperate ones that think the might have a shot with me, are the ones who are the persistent ones that do not go away.. even after I tell them I am not interested. I just give up and figure that I need to chill out for awhile and maybe try again at 199.. or maybe I am just too friggin picky.. But that is something I will just ponder another day ..

Well that is all she wrote for today.. Talk to you later

Think Thin

weigh day week 29

2008-12-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Well a good news post today.. really shocked me actually as I have not been eating very healthy the past week and I expected to probably gain some weight or at the most just not lose anything.. But to my surprise.

This weeks weight loss -5 lbs
Total weight loss to date -121 lbs..

Not bad, not bad at all..

what do you think the chances are that I can lose 19 lbs by New Years Eve? That would pretty much be a pound a day which I am thinking is not going to happen but boy would I be geeked if it did... Man would that not be sweet..199 in 2009.. So I am gonna try .. I have nothing better to do with my time right now anyways so I might as well put all my efforts into losing the poundage. I just need to totally focus on protein, protein, protein.. the more protein, the more weight I should lose. maybe do a day on nothing but protein shakes and then a day off for normal foods.. Any bet takers here.. Money always motivates me...lol ..

Well have a good weekend everyone..

Think Thin!!!

Hmmmmmm

2008-12-10T20:19:00.001-08:00

What to write about...I am just not sure anymore.. I hate talking about my depression which I am still suffering from with a vengeance.. Some time I feel like it may be getting better but then something happens that sets me off again and tears start to flow and they don't stop like tonight for instance.. the tears are flowing like the Niagara falls. But I have decided after this post that I am no longer gonna talk about it..for reason within myself that I am not gonna share. Tomorrow morning I am gonna get on the horn and get me some drugs or whatever I need, no matter what the costs because I obviously am not able to deal with my issue myself.

I did go to my support group meeting the other night and it was very nice.. It was a much smaller group of people and you basically just did a round table talk about anything and everything. I did discuss my depression with them and they all were very supportive. I will continue with going to this meeting as it was very nice to meet people in a smaller group who have been there and done that.. It was comforting to talk to people about the surgery and the expectations of what you had before surgery and the reality of what really happens after the surgery.. The reality is the surgery drops weight but no matter how many people in the past who have said, " if only you would lose a few pounds"..... it doesn't drop the weight that you have carrying on shoulders and on your mind.. That is a much deeper issue and needs a totally different fix. Which I knew but I guess I did not know just how much until recently..and I pretty much hold everything in and not talk about things.

and gee to make a person feel even better about themselves I was online looking at the profiles of different men tonight.. On this site that I belong to whenever you look at someone it will tell that person that you looked, you then have the option of contacting them or not. Well I looked at this guy and decided he would not someone I would be interested in and moved on..no harm no Foul, so I thought.. I mean I did not contact him so I was not interested.. Would you believe the jerk emailed me and said " thanks but I am not interested in BIG women" Boy I wanted to email him back a piece of my mind but I just left it alone.. But it really kinda hurt, I know it should not matter as he is no one to me but because of my fragile mental state I am taking thing way more personal then I probably should... I mean here after I have lost 116lbs I am still BIG.. Boy if he would have seen me before.. And as you have probably guessed because I have not spoke of Jerry at all.. he has dumped me, after seeing him the last time and listening to all his sweet words to me, etc, etc... he apparently changed his mind within hours and I have not heard from him.. Another blow.. as I really liked him.. It, of course, has me questioning myself and what is wrong with me.. But as My cousin Michelle pointed out. I should not question what is wrong with me and question what is wrong with him..and for that matter what is wrong with any other man who treats women like that.. But I have to tell you I just don't get it..I don't understand how men can act one way, say things and then instantaneously change their mind. But I guess I need to just get past it, but being that mind is so screwed up right now it is hard to NOT dwell on it. And that I guess is all I have to say about that!!

Well I guess I am gonna stop writing now because the way I feeling I could just doom and gloom all night long and well I am guessing that no one wants to hear it anymore. So the next post will be strictly positive no matter how I feel...Maybe if I write positive I will think positive..

2008-12-07T17:43:00.000-08:00

well the weekend was uneventfully. I am still stuck in a bad way right now.. Saturday I was coping ok but here today Sunday night I have spent most of the day crying.. I did not really get off the couch much which of course is the worst thing.. I kept telling myself to get up and clean or do something but the motivation was just not there. I hate this feeling and am not doing a very good job shaking it off. But Monday is a new day an I swear to myself that I WILL get it together. I did find a bariatric support group meeting that I am gonna go to Monday night and hopefully that will help. I have ate crappy food all weekend and of course that is not making me feel all great either. I swear that tomorrow I will get it together specially in the food department I need to crack down and get over this little plateau of no real weight loss to speak of. I have the last 25lbs to lose, 50lbs if I am really lucky and I will be done. It is the bright spot of my life to have lost 3/4 of the weight that I need to lose and if you look at the big picture of that, I am sooooo close.. now if I could get the other parts of my life to be bright spots.. It is very sad for me to be feeling this way.. I guess maybe it has to do with the holidays coming up, I know many people struggle or maybe it is winter blues.. I don't know but I need to find out. I feel like a big loser going through all this and specially talking about it. I know people are getting very tired of hearing me whine all the time and well quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing me whine all the time too..but I guess not tired enough.. I did try to get my prescription for Anti-depressants filled but the prescription expired so I guess the only way to get more would be to go to the doctors, which as I said before I don't have the money right now to do that. My mind is such a jumbled mess.. It never stops thinking about everything and anything and mostly bad or sad things.

well I guess I probably have said to much as it is, you people are probably starting to think I am a huge nuts case, and you might be right. I need to toughen up quick..

A poem I found

Slowly drowning in my sorrow
Wishing things would be better tomorrow
Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,
gradually sinking and gasping for air.
Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off
Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.
Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact
out of fear of how those close to me, might react.
Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head
As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.
Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,
makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.
Since it seems like things will always be this way,
its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.
Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,
I can at least take comfort in those who really care.
You know who you are, and so do I.
That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

Depression

2008-12-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

I have suffered with it on & off most of my life I think.. And I guess now is just no exception. I guess that is also why I have been pretty lax on my postings lately too. Just have not had the heart or ambition to write much about anything.. It has been coming on for awhile now and I have tried to fight it off but lately it has been winning the battle. I seriously am pretty much hating my life... no joke.. I really thought losing weight was gonna help me out and in many ways it really has yet in many ways my mind is still as fucked up as ever if not more in some areas.. I feel beat up, put down, let down, looked down upon, etc. etc. etc.. Nothing is ever right, nothing is ever good enough and certainly nothing ever can be simple..I have spent the last few days crying in silence and alone with the exception of yesterday, yesterday it became to much and I could not keep in under control until I got the help of Xanax. It is enough to make a person insane which is something I think I may be very close too.. well probably not but it sure seems that way. I really thought things would be a bit different by now.. including my love life.. I know things like that don;t happen over night but you know what.. I have been single my whole life, I watch people get married divorced and married again and yet here we go another holiday season and I am once again alone... Jerry whom I do really like, has is own issues right now So at this moment I am gonna back way off on that .. while I will continue to talk with him and see him once in awhile I think he needs to clear his own head and well I don't need his problems at the moment either. I really am just sick to death of being by myself all the time.. Sure I have friends, I have relatives but it is just not the same and I always end up being a 3rd wheel. and please no one tell me about it will happen someday, Mr right is out there because I just don't want to hear it..I have been patient and well I guess my patience has pretty much begun to run out and I am not just talking about the last few months I am talking about since friggin puberty..

What else can I rant about.. Lets talk about the economy, It friggin sucks. I am stressed to the max every month for bills and how to keep things paid, I really spend no money on myself as I really have none to spare for that. including the fact that I have very few clothes that fit (which is a good thing) but bad because wearing clothes that hang off you is not pleasing to the eye either. My hunting trips thank god cost me pretty much nothing as I went with others and the trips are probably what kept me from going off the deep end sooner.. lol

Even my animals have been giving me issues.. The friggin cat has all of a sudden decided that it doesn't want to use its liter box and has decided to piss on every friggin throw rug or loose clothing article, shoe or whatever that it finds on the floor. I have had to clean up that mess and smell which of course does not make me happy. I have now locked it in a large metal crate with its toys, litter box and bed to re-train her.. if that does not work then well.... anyone want a cat???because she will have to go.. or be the outside barn cat that she was supposed to be to begin with.

and well let see what else.. Oh today is weight day !!

I gained 1.5lbs.. But you know what that really does not bother me much at all. It will come off and if you have not guessed by now I am PMS'ing..

So I guess I am going to have to see about getting my Prozac refilled but who has money to go to the doctors for that.. and I am just gonna have to make more of an effort to pull myself up.. I have done it before and I will do it again.. I think I am gonna take $25.00 and spend it on myself and join the local gym.. I really need to go and maybe I can work off my frustrations. Also, my sister pointed out that maybe in the mornings I can focus more on hair and makeup (she mentioned clothes too but there really is not much I can do about that I do lurk at the resale shops but never seem to have too much luck..) Maybe fixing my hair better will give me a boost.

I guess I am done ranting for now. Sorry I am such a nut case..

It will get better..

HOLY SNOW!!!!

2008-12-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

Boy was it nasty out last night and today. We are really getting dumped on. Last night when I left up- North it took me almost 5-1/2 hours to drive home.. This is normally a 2-1/2-3 hour trip. So I was pretty white knuckled and snow blind by the time I got home. Thank god for 4-wheel drive..lol..

Well the weekend was pretty good, nothing extremely out of the ordinary happened but I just so love it up-north.. I hate to leave whenever I go up there. I did manage to take a small doe Saturday night (Sorry Alan.. Bambi did not live) so there will be some meat in the freezer this winter. The only real bummer part of the weekend was that I did Not get to spend to much time with Jerry he was pretty sick and then had to work some crazy hours, so I only ended up spending about 5-6 hours with him yesterday. I actually was thinking that I was getting blown off or dumped but that I guess was just my brain working overtime and me just learning about his personality and him about mine. The time we did spend together was very nice, I actually went out hunting with him on his property last night and watched him take a very nice Spike horn.. Gee kinda funny when you think about it, most new couple go to movies and dinner.. We go to the woods, watch nature and shoot dinner...lol.. Well anyways, I am OK with how things are progressing, I think now I have actually know him for one month. But I guess the real test will be when hunting season is over and I am no longer going up-north that much.. But for now I still have December bow hunting and muzzle loading yet.

Now on to weight stuff.. Since I missed weigh in on Friday I weighed in this morning

weight loss -1 lb
total weight loss - 118lbs..

I had a very eye opening experiences this past weekend that really I think put the fire in me.. I have been very lax about my vitamins and proteins again and over the weekend I noticed how it is really effecting me. Specially when it comes to my strength .. I have always been a pretty strong person and I know allot of that had to do with 118lbs worth of extra leverage but I know that just because I lost that doesn't mean I should be as weak as I am... For instance, I went and picked up a round bale of hay for my horses to eat all weekend. I have done this hundreds of times. I put the bale in my truck, drive it to the field and push it out.. I could NOT for the life of me get that bale out of my truck. I pushed, I pulled, I lifted and it was just not happening after about 45 mins I was worn out and had to resort to asking a neighbor to help. Also, I went out to help my brother cut wood.. I could NOT lift what I normally would have had no problem doing, I had to take smaller loads and smaller pieces and was just plan ole worn out in a matter of minutes. I am 100% positive this has to do with my lack of protein and that my body is probably literally eating my muscles to get the protein that is needed.. So the moral of this story is that I need to get my ass in gear and get back to doing what I am supposed to be doing. I hate feeling like a weakling, being able to be strong and being able to do the Physical work that I used to do is something that I did take pride in.. It was something that I could do better then most women and to me that was very important.. As I might not have the looks, or as much brain smarts but I could certainly physically out work most women and too me that was my little edge. I know , I know, a little therapy needed on this issues but hey there could be worse things.

Well I guess I rambled on enough for today..

I hope all of you had a very good holiday weekend.

Take care, MEchele

sorry guys

2008-11-23T19:20:00.000-08:00

Sorry everyone, I have been super slack on my postings lately. Things are just a bit weird right now and well half the time I wonder whether I am coming or going. My mind is just so scattered lately and I just can;t seem to get a grip on things..

But I just got back again from Up-north for another weekend of deer hunting.. Once again I got skunked but I am leaving again on Weds evening and will have the entire Thanksgiving weekend to try my luck some more. I did see deer this weekend but nothing I was able to get a shot at and of course got a ton of exercise and fresh air so it is all worth it. I so love it up-north. I wish to hell I could chuck everything and move up there and not look back!!

Well as far as my health goes I am getting a bit worried. This past week I have been really having issues with nauseousness and have had trouble with eating. I can only eat a few bites and then I get stomach pains. Like for instance I just had some chicken and rice.. Ate about 3 bites and the stomach pains started as well as vomiting. It is really making me wonder, I am over due for my check up so I guess I need to get in there and see what they say. It is not happening every time I eat but quite often and I am not seeing any pattern with any certain type of foods triggering it. I also have been pretty stressed out lately so I am almost wondering if that may have something to do with it. So I guess I am just gonna keep close tabs on it and see what happens .

Now for some dating update, I spent quite a bit of time with Jerry again this weekend. he really does seem to be a nice guy, We spent Sunday hunting together so that was pretty cool. He really does seem pretty cool so I guess we will just continue the way it is for now and see what happens. The real test will be when Hunting season is over and I am no longer driving up-north for the weekends.. I guess we will see then just how serious he is about wanting to see me then. I mean he seems very genuine but for me actions speaks louder then words... I am not very trusting when it comes to men and what they say so hopefully he will prove me wrong.

I know I did not post a weigh in on Friday either so I will go ahead and post what I weighed in at this morning .

Official loss of -2 lbs this week
Total weight loss -117 lbs

Not too bad.. I guess the days of big numbers are gone but hey a steady 2 lb per week weight loss will be just fine for me. I mean it all adds up in the end. I am told that the majority of the weight I will lose will all be in the 1st year so if you consider that factor I have about 22 more weeks to go and at 2 lbs per week average that will be another 44 lbs and that I would be totally happy with.

Well I guess that is all for now.. I will really try to keep up better with my postings at least after the Thanksgiving holiday.. Then everything will settle down some and I should be able to post more.

Everyone have a good one.

And as usually I am looking for work so if anyone hears anything pass it on my way..

I am back !!!

2008-11-19T10:44:00.001-08:00

Hey all . Sorry for the delay.. My mind as been going a mile a minute and well most of what is going through it is not good. But Hey I will get over it I always do..

Anyways the hunt was fun. I missed 2 bucks ( the 4-legged kind) One opening morning and then another on Sunday night.. Boy that sure pissed me off.. I got buck fever and did not take my time when going for the shot. But hey at least I saw something most everyone else went the whole weekend without seeing anything. I do need to give kudos to my nephew Cody, he got his first buck on Saturday night.. I could not have been more proud!!! It is moments like that I wish my father was still alive to be able to see it. I will be going back up north for the Thanksgiving weekend so hopefully I will get something then.

Now on for the 2-legged buck story.. I met Jerry up there and spent a bit of time with him. He is really a nice guy, in a goofy up-north kinda way, very quiet and soft spoken( which we all know is the opposite of me) but he really seems to like me for who I am.. Actually tells me quite often that I am pretty and sexy..lol.. ( I tell him that he must have pretty low standards lol.. he of course swears that he doesn't) He is very supportive of my surgery which is really appreciative and actually has a brother who had the surgery a month before me. He seems to be a very hard worker and did not think twice about helping me with anything that I needed done. He was very sweet!! and most importantly and those who know me know I say this all the time. He is way more manlier then me...lol..... He took me to his home and I met his mother and some of his family members so he must be serious about getting to know me further.. So I guess we will just see where it goes and take it from there,... I just really have an issue with the long distance thing, but I guess why dwell on what I can't change.

I got on the scale when I got home wondering if I dropped any extra weight and was surprised to only have lost 1 pound.. I am not making that an official loss though until my normal weigh day of Friday. I was very active over the weekend and my body is super sore.. My legs, arms, neck back, butt, you name it it is sore.. I guess it is from all the tromping around in the woods loaded down with rifles, ammo, and 30 lbs of clothing. Can you imagine how I would be if I still had the 115lbs of fat still clinging to me.. I would have been a heart attack waiting to happen. Thank god I am smaller then I was.. and I am so looking forward to getting even smaller.. I can't wait to reach that 199 mark... it seems so close but yet so far..

Well I Guess that is it for now. Once again though I am asking you to all keep me in mind for an job opportunities that you may know of or if you need any mortgage info..

Talk to you all soon !! Mechele

It's Hunting Time

2008-11-13T06:36:00.000-08:00

Yes the day is here and I am leaving this afternoon for a weekend of hunting.. I am so looking forward to it..It is gonna feel so nice to be able to go out in the woods and not be lugging my big fat ass around the woods like before and be able to climb up and down tree stands with no problems.. I just hope that I actually see something to shoot. And well let me be honest a woman in a typically mans sport.. I will pretty much be able to get me both a 4 legged and 2 legged buck...lol...

But no actually I am also kinda excited to be going for another reason.. I told you a while back about a guy that I met through the web that lives up north and seemed like a pretty good potential. What I have not told you is that I am still talking with him and I will be also spending some time with him this weekend. How much, who knows?? but I really have kinda a good feeling about this one so we will see what happens.. I am anxious to spend more time with him to see just exactly how well we click.

Since I am not gonna be near a computer this weekend or particularly tomorrow for my weigh in I did it a day early.. I am glad to say that this week I have lost

Weight Loss -3lbs
Total weight loss -115lbs

It is still coming off, so that is exciting news. I know that it is definitely slowing down but hey I will take every little bit that comes my way.. This weekend I will be curious to see what I kind of numbers I pull since I will be very active and I usually I drop big numbers when I have weekends like that.

Also, I would like to touch on something that my fellow blogger Alan mentioned to me on my last post.. Something that I did not really think about to much until he brought it up.. The picture of me and My dog Porter is a great photo.. I just love my dog.. but anyways I was squatting down with him.. This as a general rule is not something most anyone thinks about.. But for me this is HUGE.. Before my surgery I could not squat, it was impossible!!! My knees could not handle my weight nor was it ever a pretty sight to see me getting back up.. So anytime I needed anything from below it was bend over and kill my back, not to mention everyone getting the view of my huge butt. Now after losing 115lbs I can squat down and not have to suffer the pain and embarrassment of getting back up. You just really can't imagine how something so simple can be such an accomplishment. Anyways just wanted to bring that up..

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend.. I will be back Tuesday with what I hope is exciting news of my weekend hunt..

Everyone have a great weekend..

Oh And well I hate to put this on here but beggar's can't be chooser. I am need of some extra cash flow.. anybody who knows of any job leads, whatever it is, could you pass them along to me? Thanks.

Well another week is here

2008-11-10T07:12:00.000-08:00

And I am looking forward to it hopefully flying by.. I have allot of stuff to keep me busy this week so I hope it will make things go faster .. I am leaving Thursday afternoon to go hunting so there is allot of preparation involved in that.. I am very excited to go hunting again as it has been a long time.

Here is a picture of me from Sunday. Me and my brother were target practicing with our rifles to get ready for the big day... Gee and I wonder why I can't find a man.. This pictures is enough to probably scare anyone.. lol..

The weekend was good, I got to spend allot of time with out-of-state family and well the party Saturday night was a bunch of fun.. Lots of drinking (I know, I know I am not supposed to but I gave up everything else I figure I can cheat a bit on the drinking thing) and a whole bunch of dancing which those who know me, know that I love to dance.. I wish there was some kind of exercise class I could do the just involves dancing..I would never get tired of that..

Sunday my Brother, sister in-law and myself hung around a bit doing some stuff. My sister-in-law took some photos of me so here are a few for you to see

Me & TJ

I have to be honest and say that the pictures that were took did not impress me at all. Not because of the quality but because of what I looked like. These are some of the better ones but I deleted a whole lot more. I was very upset to see some of them as well to be honest I am still ,even after losing 112 lbs, FAT... It was actually very depressing to me to see and kinda messed with my mind some.. Here I was feeling very good and then slam back to reality. Oh I know I am my worst critic and am being too hard on myself but I just can't help what is. I am sure I will get over it and I know I am still losing weight but hey I guess I am entitle to a little pitty party..It really has been a long time since I have had one so I guess I am over due..lol

Anyways. I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a stress free week to come.

Talk to you all later..

Me-chele

I feel good...

2008-11-07T10:24:00.001-08:00

and I look good too.. Sorry for the delay.. I had my hair cut and colored today and well nothing like having that done to make you feel good.. My stylist had not seen me in quite awhile and he was full of compliments as well as another guy who works there, he had no idea who I was and when he finally realized it was me he was like WOW!!! you look terrific.. Talk about some major ego boosting..

Now for the weeks weight loss. I did not do as good as I hoped but I also have to admit that I did not try as hard as I said I would either. I did increase my protein quite a bit and really made sure I took all my vitamins so that is a good thing..

So the results of this week are..

Weight loss -2lbs
Grand total -112lbs gone ... Wow ... it is really amazing every time I write it.

Last week I was talking with my youngest nephew (he just turned 13) and he said he weighed that much (112lbs) and I was like geeze I lost a whole person so far.. When you look at it from that angle, I mean actually seeing a physical person who weighs as much as I have lost it is very amazing and makes me feel good!! I really can't wait to hit that 199 mark !!

Now on to the weekend.. My cousins are here from TN and I am looking forward to some fun again this weekend. They are here to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and are having what will be a great party..Lots of dancing and of course booze and whatever other trouble we can find. I should be very busy and very active.. the theme of their party is to wear all your old bridesmaids and groomsmen outfits. believe it or not I have a old bridesmaid dress that actually fits but just wearing that by itself is not enough for these guys... so since I am 38 and always a bridesmaid never a bride..I am going to wear a gray wig, glasses, have a walker and wear a sign that says old Maid.. LOL. it should be pretty funny..

Well I guess that is all for now, I am really looking forward to my hunting trip that is coming up so that is 6 days and counting..

Talk to you all soon Me-Chele

A sad day for me.

2008-11-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

But apparently a happy day for others.. Well I am not really one to want to use my blog site for anything other then my original intention but today I am making just a slight exception.. I am very disappointed that our country choose the president that they did..I really don't understand what people are thinking but I guess there is really not much I can do about it now..So with that being said I just hope and Pray that in a few years I am not gonna be saying "I told you so" and I swear that if I ever hear one more thing about racism among the black and the white from anyone again I will go ballistic... Sorry if that offends anyone but really too bad if it does.

I am in good mood today can you tell...

Anyways on too the weight loss talk.. Doing pretty good this week. Not getting in as much protein as I would like but I have definitely increased it this week so that is a a definite plus.. I made an appt with my hair stylist this Friday so he can evaluate my hair and maybe make some suggestions to keep it from thinning further. Maybe I will just say what the heck with it and get a whole new style for my whole new me. I guess it will all depend on my mood Friday morning.. Hopefully it won;t be a bad mood day as I could be tempted to really do something drastic.. lol.. Britney Spears would have some competition on her hands..lol..

Anyways also onto other news, the dating thing has been going good. I have had my share of being dumped as well as my share of doing the dumping.. I think so far there has been more of the later.. But I have recently met someone who shows some promise, so I am very interested to see where it goes. He seems like a pretty decent guy and we are interested in allot of the same things. Only problem with him right now is distance as he does not live close to me at all but on a brighter note, he lives much further north and well those who know me know that I always say I want to be further north... Oh and he has a brother who had bariatric surgery 1 month before me so he was very supportative of everything and that in itself is a great big plus... So we will see what pans out as time goes on, for all I know he could be full of shit like so many others..

well I guess that is about it today . Catch me on Friday for this weeks weigh in.. I am anxious to see if the scale moves any..

Have a great day

protein, protein. protein

2008-11-03T05:14:00.000-08:00

Or lack of it should I say..

Well first off sorry I did not get my post in on Friday.. probably better that I didn't anyways as I was very bad all week food wise and lord know I am not sure if I could have mentally handled any kind of weight gain.. I did not even weigh myself on Friday.. So I did weigh myself today and I am thankfully able to say that I am exactly the same weight as I was the week before...
No loss NO gain..

Now on to my protein, We all know that I have said in the past the I am very lax when it comes to getting my protein in..and I know I have said this before but I am making it my mission starting today to really work hard at getting the protein in... While I still have all my hair.. Over the weekend I really noticed large amounts of hair coming out of my head and while I still have allot of it eventually it is gonna start to take its toll. So I am gonna really force feed the protein this week, I think I am even gonna go back to the basics and just have the protein shakes and bars for food this week and maybe that will even jump start my weight loss again.. Seems like I have been kinda slow in that department for a while now and I really want that 199lb mark in the worst way. I would love to be about 215-210 by November 15th.. (opening day of Hunting season) Now I am really not being realistic with that goal but it gives me something to shoot for.

Now as far as my weekend went, I was pretty tame this weekend and did not do a whole lot of anything particular.. Halloween night was at my brothers scaring all the little kids.. That always brings a smile to my face specially when they cry...lol.. I know, I know that is extremely bad on my part but well I just can;t help myself. I will also be happy to tell you that I did not sample any of the treats...wasn't even tempted. Saturday and Sunday just did some errands and nothing else much. My back was really bothering me still from my fall last weekend so I just thought it best to chill out.

So here we are to another new week.. Hopefully it will bring some excitement and good news specially with the economy and as always...Shameless plug here... If you need any mortgage advice new purchase, refinance, whatever be sure to contact me..

Happy Monday Everyone... Me-chele

Getting better

2008-10-29T17:32:00.001-07:00

Yes I am getting better. The hurt is not as bad as it was yesterday and well I think I will pull through...lol.. Everything still hurts just not quite as bad as it did.. and of course I have the wonderful world of Vicoden ..lol

I will say this.. it is so easy to revert back to your old comfort food eating habits when you are sick and lying around doing nothing. All I wanted was my good old comfort foods.. I know that this weeks weigh in is really gonna be a bad one as I did so much drinking this weekend as well as the fact that I ate some pretty bad foods ( pizza, rally burger) while I was laying on the couch nursing my sore body. So the combinations of crap food with doing nothing I am sure has packed on a couple of pounds. But never fear it will not stay on long!!! I will be back on track and losing weight again before you know it.

Now an update on the man game.. Wouldn't you know it.. The one that I really did not care about one way or the other if I saw again.. (you know the boring one who did not talk..) is the one who has been most persistent in calling me. I will say this much he does talk way more on the phone then he did in person.. and of course me being the person that I am came right out and asked him what the deal was on Saturday night.. Are you really shy or did you just not have anything to say.. he said he was very nervous and well that sometimes he just does not talk that much.. A man of few words I guess.... hmmm most women would probably like that but me I need to be able to get into a good fight once in awhile and I think with this guy I would always be the one making decisions and such and well my moto has been and probably always will be... "I need a man who is manlier then me.." lol Sooo I am thinking that today's phone call will be the last phone call..

Boy I am telling you my self esteem has just quadrupled in the past few weeks.. Imagine what it will be like when I lose 30 more lbs... Lord look out.. Michele is coming to take the world by storm.. I guess I just feel like I have missed out on so much stuff and am ready to have some fun and allot of it. I am comparing myself now to what I was this time last year and boy what a difference. I mean at this time last year I was sitting on the couch contemplating which food to eat and when and what TV show to watch and which one to record for later...Now I am always trying to line up what to do next.. I mean for instance her I am writing this blog while I am also talking to someone about meeting tomorrow night for karaoke at a local place.. I guess Thursday is becoming the new Friday..lol

Well anyhoo I guess this is enough babble for now. Talk to you all Friday for this weeks dreaded weigh day.

I Hurt !!!

2008-10-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

Yes you read correctly I hurt!!...I had such a great weekend. My cousin showed up on Thursday night and we had a great time. Sang some karaoke, did a little dancing and quite allot of drinking. I even managed to get a date for Saturday night ( my cousin wanted to know what it was like to be a 3rd wheel) and well quite frankly I was glad he was there. The guy I was out with, while I will say he was pretty cute and had a super nice ass was boring as all hell. I could not get him to talk and even just asking him straight out questions was like pulling teeth. I figured he was acting that way maybe because he was wanting to get rid of me.. He did not even buy me a drink.. Can you believe it.. So I pretty much figured he was just hanging for an hour or so till he could safely escape, which would have been fine with me... but NOOOO he actually stayed the whole time and did not leave till I left. But by the end of the night he did start to talk more (just a little) and asked me to dance once. When I decided I was ready to leave he did walk me out, gave me a hug and then left. I was for sure figuring I would not hear from him again but guess what? he actually emailed me twice the next day. One saying hello and the other asking if he was just to boring for me... Gee ya think?? But the more I think about it, he could just be incredibly shy and me being the overbearing, fun loving person I am, could easily intimidate a shy person. So the verdict for me is still out on whether I go out with him again. I may give him one more try.

Now to talk about the I hurt.. yes the weekend was great but then all hell broke lose. Went riding on Sunday afternoon. The weather was kinda crappy and I should really have known better but I really wanted to ride. I took tbone out and of course he acted up, to the point where he went completely ballistic on me. I stayed on for as long as I could trying to get control but he finally got the better of me.. (if it was a rodeo I would have made my 8 secs with a great score) and up and OFF I went like a rag doll. I landed on my left back side, I knocked the wind right out of me so I was on the ground and NOT able to get up. Brent thought I was definitely hurt bad. of course that was after he got off the ground from his fall too. When I was able to get up I was having issues walking as my left hip, back and side were not working well. I was having trouble breathing still and it hurt something fierce in the center of my chest between the ribs.. I was a MESS and trying so very hard not to cry.. I hurt that bad. I made it home and then of course was NOT wanting to go to the hospital. After a while however I decided it would be for my best interest to go as I was not entirely sure I had not broken something as well as the pain between my ribs and breathing was getting worse. I was starting to get afraid that I screwed up something in my surgery.. so I figured it was best to go.. And of course there I stayed all evening and until the wee hours in the morning. Thankfully nothing is broken and I am basically just very bruised and battered.. The Doctor said I was gonna feel worse before I got better and she is right. Today is the worst right now. I friggin can't walk upright, turn my neck much, my shoulders and side ,along with my ribs and what I believe is my bruised kidney and sternum are hurting quite a bit..I have been taking my vicoden and muscle relaxers but even after taking those the pain does not go away it just dims it . I can't even roll over in my bed as My side hurts too much and so I am pretty much sleeping on my back propped up with pillows which I hate. My cousin Randy came over yesterday and did my chores for me so I was glad he did.

So that in a nutshell is how my weekend went. I hope everyone else had a great one, of course minus any accidents.

Talk to you all soon

weigh day.. Week???

2008-10-24T08:21:00.001-07:00

Well I am still losing

This weeks weigh loss -2lbs
total weight loss since 4/29/08 -110lbs

AND I am now wearing a size 16 jeans !!!! comfortably

Pretty cool!! It is so amazing to me everytime I think about it just how far I have come and just how much I am changing. I am feeling better and of course looking better. I am really working hard at my self-confidence level and I think I am suceeding.. I went out to the bar last night with my cousin and had a good time.. I was comfortable enough to talk to more people and even managed to catch the eye of a couple of guys...lol... I don't feel like people are looking at me in disgust anymore and according to my cousin I get checked out quite frequently..lol..

Anyways, last night I also learned a HUGE lesson.. Now we all know that drinking is not the best thing you can do when you have this surgery and for the most part I am very careful about what I drink and how much.. But last night while getting my courage up to do some kareoke in a bar full of people I had a shot of Tequilla. That was the WORST mistake I could have ever made!! The minute that shot hit my stomach I doubled over in pain !! and it lasted for quite a few minutes. It was terrible and you can bet that I will NEVER do that again.. To me it felt just like you were pouring straight alcohol on an open cut.. Lesson learned on this one..

This weekend will also be a busy one. I am looking forward to spending time with my cousin and have allot of activities planned including some horse back riding.. Which you all know I just love to do. I hope you all have a great weekend and a safe one.. I am looking forward to telling you all about my weekend adventures.

Think Thin... MeChelle

Practice Makes perfect --

2008-10-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Yup I went out with another guy last night.. we met at a local bar and had a pretty good time.. but, of course, who knows what will happen but my new way of thinking is that why not just go out and meet as many as I can. Get a few free drinks and dinners and see what happens.. So what I am basically saying is that I am now being able to look at this whole dating thing in a strictly casual manner.. totally different then a a couple of weeks ago. It will be interesting to see how things progress as the months or even years may go by.. I might just be looking back at these post and laughing while I am comfortable in some new relationship with a man who will seem perfect to me.. (Oh healthier Chelle... I have not ruled out the horse auction thing.. I actually found a new horse auction that I will be attending soon) My internet dating membership will be running out soon and I will NOT be renewing them as I don't really have the extra money to spend and the other reason is that I want to do a little experiment and see how men react to me as I lose more weight.. For instance I started this progress at one weight and did it for a month. I would like to lose 20 more lbs then sign up again and try it for a month. and then so on.. It is gonna be my own little experiment as to how men in general act. Who knows maybe my little experiment will end up on the Oprah show..lol

I am looking forward to this upcoming weekend. My cousin form TN is flying in and we always have a great time when we get together. So it should be a very active weekend which is always a good thing as then I don't have to worry about how much food I am putting in my mouth.

And speaking of food.. I am doing pretty well I think, I have not weighed myself at all so I am not really sure if I am losing any weight this week.. I of course, hope that I am but I am not really feeling it this week at all. But I guess we will see on Friday. I would happy with another 2 lbs.. My 6 month check up is coming due so we will see just how well I am doing.. I know that they are gonna yell about my protein as I am still very lax on getting that in. My hair is still falling out but some days it is worse then others and even though it is falling out I am not really seeing a difference in my hair, I mean it still feels as thick and as full as it usually does and well I get a butt load of compliments on it from all my online single weirdos.

So I guess that is it for now. I will check in with you all again on Friday.. Everyone have a great couple of days..

Did everyone enjoy the weekend

2008-10-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

I actually had a really decent weekend and a couple of first for me in a very long time.

I went on Friday to meet that guy for our little lunch date.. While he was nice enough, he is definitely not my type, Not to mention his picture was quite deceiving and probably taken 15 years ago.. Now don't get me wrong I am certainly not hung up on looks by any means but you still have to have some sort of attraction to the person you are with. With him there was no attraction so we are just chalking it up to practice makes perfect. I figure the more I do this the more self confidence I will get. Now because I had taken the time to make myself look nice and was feeling good I was in the mood to go out Friday night and see what kind a trouble I could find. I called a friend of mine and he and his wife met me at a local bar for a drink, they decided that they wanted to try another place so we left and went there However there was only 5 people in the bar and we had only one drink. My friends decided to call it a night but I was still ready to go out. SO I decided what the hell.. I will take Allan's advice (almost gastric bypass) and go back to the bar I was at ... by myself... sit down and see if the men would come. Well they did...kinda..... I was a magnet for all the pot bellied, older men.. 55 and up... I have no idea why that was.. But they all seemed to think that they had some kinda chance with me. It was actually super funny!!! and well this bar, while it is a place I go to occasionally is not really the best place to be meeting anyone anyways but what I did by going there by myself was really strictly to build my self confidence. I actually had a pretty good time, just listening to the music and watching people have fun.. I stayed till closing so I obviously was not all that bored. This is a first for me.. Or well I should not say a first but it might as well be as the last time I went to a bar by myself it was in my early 20's

Saturday I was up bright and early. I took care of my uncles place and then came home and went for about a 2 hour ride on my horse copper. It was a nice ride as the weather was perfect. When I got back home my friends Melanie and Kevin came to visit and spent the night.. We took the kids to the huckleberry railroad Halloween spooktacular. It was actually a pretty decent time.. Which is surprising as anyone who knows me knows that I am not a kids person.. But I was pleasantly surprised that all the kids were really well behaved. Also with the purchase of the ticket you got to go trick or treating at little stations that are set up around the park.. It was a big test for me as the candy that was giving out was the good stuff.. and I had a whole bag of it. But I ate NONE... and I was not even tempted to try it, nor did I even sample the donuts that they were giving out. As the months go by from this surgery it is really easy for me now to just not eat sugar. who would have thought that I would be able to give it up so easily with no issues. When people try to get me to eat it I just say NO!!!! I am so proud of myself for having such will power

On Sunday I met up with my friends Rich and Wayne and we went riding. It was about a 4 hour ride I had so much fun. It was a little more of a challenging ride as we went to an area that had all kinds of hills and ravines and made riding much more challenging not to mention we got lost a few times so we were making our own trails. 5 months ago I would have never attempted to do any of the stuff I did yesterday. I would have been too heavy and it would have been too hard on the horse. I had such a great time and it was really a boost to my self confidence again as a rider, I am really starting to feel like that cowgirl I have always wanted to be.

Soooo now here we are back to the ho hum drum of Monday morning.. I have made it my mission that today I get back to the gym and start exercising regularly.. Who knows maybe I will even meet someone at the gym. lol.. well it can't hurt to look....lol..

Happy Monday everyone!!

I am bored

2008-10-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Hey all. Another Friday is here and almost gone already. I tried to post many times this morning but my computer was not working right or maybe it was just this website. Anyways the results are in for today

After last weeks big loss I still managed to lose another 2 lbs

this weeks loss -2lbs
Total weight loss to date -108lbs

Not to bad.. I am happy with it.

Well even though I swore off men the other day. I did end up going on a lunch date today with a guy. I will say that he seems nice enough but he definitely looks way older then the picture that he had online.. I know for sure that he wants to see me again, of course, I have heard that before but I don't know, I guess it can't hurt and practice makes perfect right .. But I guess it is also something I do not have to decide right this very instant either.

Now onto my bored thing.. I have to admit I am really getting lonely and bored. I am very antsy lately and am needing some excitement of some kind. I can't quite put my finger on it! and of course money is so tight, so that causes major issues as most all of my friends want to go out usually for dinner and drinks and well I just afford to be doing that all time specially when the eating thing is no longer much of a part of my life. My body has changed so much now that I guess I am feeling the need for everything else to change and of course being the way that I am I want everything to change right now !!! .. But I know in my head that it just does not happen that way but at the same time my head just refuses to accept that. So I guess I will keep searching for whatever it is I am looking for and hopefully some day I will find it.

Everyone have a great weekend. Think Thin.. MEchele

I have been blown off

2008-10-15T08:28:00.000-07:00

Oh well what is a girl to do.. I guess as My fellow blogger Allan says I am gonna quit worrying about men. I have come to realize that I am just not ready for this dating things yet and well I think I am just gonna let it slide and see how I feel again in another month or two. As everyone says there are plenty of fish in the sea and well maybe when I get a tad bit skinnier and of course more confident in myself I will go fishing again. I will catch a butt load of guppies until my big ole shark comes along...lol.

I think as I stated before I am now gonna just really start concentrating on the Physical fitness part of my new life and body.. I will start to go to the gym more and make it my routine. I have no excuses to not get "my train on" as my other fellow blogger and cousin Healthier Chelle says. I have 13 lbs to try and lose by the end of the month and I will do my best.. That will be my 6 month mark and I would love to be down 120lbs.. That would be so cool and boy would I really feel proud of myself. I won't beat myself up over it if I don't make it but I am gonna try.

I am feeling pretty good, Got a little sick last night as I ate a bit of greasy food but all is well.

I spoke to another person yesterday who had the same surgery as I, she is my age as well and was about my weight & Height when she started. She had her surgery 11 months ago and is down a whopping 172lbs.. Can you believe it? Boy I can't wait for that day to happen. 172 pound in less then a year. Crazy!!! that is like a whole other adult person and she feels great!
I am glad to know there are so many other people out there who have had this surgery and have very little or no complications from it.

Well anyways I will talk to you all on Friday for weigh day.. I am not really think I will have too big of numbers but if I did not gain anything I will be incredibly happy!!! ( I am shooting for -4lbs)

Talk to you all later..

My weekend

2008-10-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys this will be kinda a short post, pretty busy today but I had a pretty darn good weekend. I did have a Friday night date with the guy, Joe and things went really, really well.. At least I thought anyhow.. But I spoke with him yesterday for all of 10 minutes and he seemed very nonchalant and quick to get off the phone, not to mention I called him and not the other way around. But I guess if he did not want to talk to me he could have just not answered the phone. As he knew it was me when he answered. This is the part about dating I really hate, I have no idea how to keep things casual in my mind.. I mean don't get me wrong it is not like I am declaring any undying love or anything like that but it is hard for me to just try to keep things light in my mind. I have such insecurity issues that it is not even funny and I have no idea what to do to correct these issues with myself. I mean all I think about is what I may have did wrong, said wrong, acted wrong or even looked wrong. I am so insecure with myself that it is not even funny. I know that is surprising and really in a group settings I have no problems but one on one is a totally different issue. Not to mention I still feel very fat as well as now I have nasty hanging skin to deal with, Boy I sound like I will never be happy with myself and who knows maybe that will be the case but I am really trying hard to not be like that .

Now on to my class reunion. I had a pretty good time. I mean as best as I could have anyways. I mingled as much as I could to try and figure out everyone. I was really pleasantly surprised that there were allot of people who knew me and well quite frankly I had no idea who they were, I keep having to look in the old yearbook to refresh my memory.. lol.. I guess I was more popular then I thought I was. Everyone commented to me on my hair and how pretty it was, made me feel good. I forgot that all my high school years I had short hair so everyone was really surprised.

Sunday however I was wiped out. Having slept very little Friday and Saturday night and dealing with insomnia all week long it caught up with me. I ended up taking a 4 hour nap in the afternoon but forced myself to go out and mow most of my lawn and trim Sunday after I woke up. My body felt like I had been hit by a truck.. I have no idea why that was as I did not do anything all that physical that would have made me feel that way. I mean I barely even danced on Saturday night. However I did drink quite a bit so maybe that had its effect on me. I know, I know I should not drink but it is not something I do very often at all so I don't feel too bad about it.

Otherwise the diet is going well .. I have controlled my eating and my stomach is back to normal with only allowing small amounts of food. I have increased my protein and have been really darn good about taking my vitamins, now I just need to get focused on my exercise. Hopefully after Tuesday when my cousin comes back and picks up her dogs that I have been watching I can start concentrating more on that.

Talk to you all soon .

PS I guess this wasn't such a short post after all.

The BIG Reveal !!!

2008-10-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yup you guessed it!!! I FINALLY hit the over 100lb weight loss.. and I did it with a HUGE BANG!!! Not only did I do very well this week I think that this is my largest weight loss week so far since my journey started Soooooo you know what that means.. As promised, I must reveal my actually start weight and current weight for all the world to know. .....VERY SCARY for me to do but here goes!!!!! drum roll please .......................

This weeks weight LOSS ... -9 lbs .... YIPPIE!!!!
Total weight loss since April 29th, 2008 ..... -106 lbs GONE !!!!

Here goes the scary part... Deep breath!!!!

Pre-surgery start weight a whopping 339lbs (god I just hate writing this)

Current Weight -- 233 lbs .. This is the lowest weight I have been since probably about 1994 or more. ..

Boy Can you believe it.. I was fat..... Hence, of course, the reason I had surgery. I am really very excited.. .Technically I am really about 34 lbs away from my goal weight.. which was just to be 199.. anything under 200lbs basically. I am sure that I will actually shoot for more once I reach that but right now that is my next big goal..

On to other news.. My class reunion is tomorrow 20 years Holy SHIT .. I remember like it was yesterday one of the happiest days of my life.. High school Graduation and here it is now 20 years later.. I actually was quite on the fence about going to it but I am.. Who knows if anyone will be there that I actually care about seeing and boy do I sure hope that some of those old bitchy, snobby girls and those stuck up jocks have all gotten fat and Bald.. lol.. It should be very interesting, at least I am going with one of my best friends Sue and we will have a nice time together regardless.. We don't get to spend to much time together anymore so it is always nice when we get to see each other.

And now to even more news.. My date from weds night .. Joe.. Did actually call me yesterday.. I get some mixed signals from him but I guess if he was not interested he would not have called nor would he of asked me to do something else.. Which so happens to be for tonight.. I am actually gonna make dinner and then he was gonna bring a movie over.. But of course he said he would call me today once he got up and stuff ( he works 3rd shift) to finalize a time and such but being the skeptical person I am I will believe that he is coming only when he actually calls. I have to say I do hope that he does. We seem to have bunch in common so that is pretty cool. I also however am still continuing to talk to 2 other people.. I have not met them yet and one I don't think I am gonna meet but the other one is still kinda promising. So we will see.

Well I guess that is all for now.. Everyone have a great weekend..

Mechele

Guess What!!!

2008-10-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

You won;t be believe it. After all my bitching the other day, I actually went out on a date tonight with someone whom I spoke with online. He actually seems like a pretty decent guy whom I have allot in common with. He hunts, fishes, loves the outdoors and for a bonus he was pretty darn cute. He seemed very sincere when he said he would like to see me again and that he would call but of course men say allot of things that they don't do.. Gee I don't have any trust issues do I ... and I also have been talking to another guy who seems like a good prospect also.. Boy what a ego boost it is for me right now. On my date tonight we met at a local bar for dinner & Drinks and then after that he suggested we go for coffee someplace quieter so we could talk without shouting.. So we ended up at a big boy for the rest of the evening.. He works 3rd shift so it was not a late night as he had to be at work by 11pm. I am guessing if he was not interested he would have bolted right after dinner with some lame excuse.. So I guess we will see what tomorrow brings , if he doesn't call then it will be his loss.. Oh and by the way I think I looked pretty darn hot!!!

Now on to my diet.. I have been doing pretty good this week, I have been eating sensible and I have been getting in allot more protein then I have been in the past couple of weeks so hopefully my hair loss will slow down. I am feeling very confident that the weight loss will come this week and I will hit my 100 lbs mark, maybe if I am lucky a little bit more. I sure hope so. It seems like I have been in limbo for quite awhile now and I am ready to move on. So everyone keep your fingers crossed!!

I am once again doing my uncle chore for him as he took off on another long weekend up-north however, I am lucky this time as I only have to do the morning chores. His son Robert is gonna do the evening ones but I guess the good thing about that is that It forces me to get up and moving in the morning..

Well I hope everyone is doing well and thinking THIN thoughts.. Talk to you soon

This WILL be the week !!

2008-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

I don't care if I have to take 10 laxatives and shit out my excess 3 lbs I am gonna get to that 100 lb mark!!!..lol .. I am really gonna focus this week and get the pounds off. I have thrown away all the grazing food in my house so that will get rid of some of the temptations and I am really gonna focus hard on getting my protein in because as per usual I am lacking on that and my hair is really starting to fall out.

I had a pretty productive weekend. I worked outside quite a bit and got allot of work done out there. I put all my pool stuff away as well as got the outside lawn furniture and stuff moved. I even started on cleaning out my barn but I have LOTS more work to do on that before I can even consider that clean...lol.. I also did allot of weed whacking and hopefully that will be the last time this year I have to do it and I also took care of all my uncles animals while he is once again gone for a long weekend. Now, of course, I did not work all weekend I did take some time and had some fun. Me & my horse copper went for a long ride on Saturday and on Sunday I went on a 10 mile charity horse ride.. That was great fun, I took my horse T-bone on that ride and he was a pretty good boy with only a few incidents.. ( For him that is good, he can be mighty stubborn when he wants to be) but I am so proud of myself because as I continue to lose weight my riding skills continue to improve. Before T-bone had me pretty intimidated as he can be a handful to control and being fat does not help with balance, specially if he is trying to throw you off. Now I can handle him pretty well and that he is now learning that he can try all he wants but I am not going anywhere and he will do what I say. He is basically figuring it out slowly but surely.. I think after yesterdays ride he now understands and he is gonna finally give up. He tried to be a butt head just a couple of times and he was quickly corrected as well as he tried a new thing and that was rearing up on his hind legs.. This is something he never did before and I pretty much considered it a last stitch effort on his part.. I think it scared him way more then it bothered me.
But anyways the whole moral of this story is that the weight loss has helped me dramatically in this area and for that I am so thankful. It was always a life long dream of mine to own horses and ride. Well I have owned the horses long enough, now I am able to ride the way I always wanted to, that in itself is worth it..

Now to update you all on the Internet dating thing. It seems that there are way too many weirdos in this world and it seems that they are all attracted to me. I am very puzzled as too why it seems that I can't attract anyone worth any potential.. I mean I know it has only been 1 week and I am certainly not gonna find my knight in shining armor in that time but I have not even caught the attention of anyone who might excite me, everyone that has emailed or IM'd me has had alternative motives, is just mentallyway out there or they seem like they are interesting and Interested in meeting me but then you never hear from them again. Boy I hate it when a guy says that they will call and doesn't.. For all you guys reading out there..Why do you do that? specially on the Internet it is not like you can see my face or anything.. This is why I hate this stuff, I am thinking that I may just not be ready to start the dating thing yet and I think I may just wait until I can deal with it without questioning myself all the time and wondering what the heck is wrong with me.. This issues stems from years of being told bad things about myself or questioning my self worth... I am not sure what it will take to get over it. or if I will ever get over it. Probably need a shrinks help for that but well that is something I really am not gonna do so for the time being I am just gonna let it slide and just be happy with how things are going and concentrate on my weight loss. I am sure I will meet someone someday.

Well I guess that is it for now.. or at least it is enough for me right now.

Happy Monday everyone.. MEchele

Well Not this week either

2008-10-03T06:22:00.001-07:00

I guess my body is just taking and hiatus right now on the weight loss. I was hoping for the big 100 but I am not surprised that it did not happen . I was not really good about my diet the past week and well the scale showed it.

Weight GAIN this week +2 lbs
Total weight loss since surgery -97lbs

It is a bummer but well I have no one to blame really.. I need to get focused and also get exercising. I know that there is no way that I will not lose more weight so I am not worrying about it.. Maybe I am subconsciously trying to sabotage myself into not getting to that 100lb mark so I don't have to reveal my actual weight.. I have no idea why I can't get over that little hurtle, I guess it is pure embarrassment on my part that I had let myself get that big.

On another note this Internet dating thing is crazy!!! I have had quite a few responses and have IM with quite a few people. At one time the other night I had like 5 guys IMing at one time and I just started to laugh as I kept getting confused as to who was who and what... I finally just gave up, not to mention that most of them seemed like the were way too weird for my taste... and the ones who were basically out for a quick lay got the boot right away or the ones who claimed I was the "one" by looking at my picture and profile got the boot too. According to what I have been told you have to really weed out the weird ones to get to the one normal ones. I have chatted with one guy who seems like he could be somewhat normal but who knows.

This weekend will hopefully be a good one, I have plenty to keep me busy around here. It is time to get all my outside stuff done and summer stuff put away before the snow flies. It was pretty cold last night so I am gonna have to get out the electric blanket as I refuse to put the furnace on just yet. I will also be doing a 10 mile charity ride on Sunday with my horse T-bone.. He needs the exercise as well I do. and my uncle is once again gone off for a long weekend so I will be doing the chores for him again till Tuesday.

Well I guess that is all for now. Here's to a healthier week coming up and lots of weight loss!!

Think thin..

Internet dating

2008-09-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

Do any of you single people out there do that.. I have decided that being my new found semi-confidence that I would attempt to get back into the dating scene and the reason I say Semi confidence is because I still have issue with how I look but I am getting better.

It has been awhile since I dated or even attempted to date and that has basically been nobodies fault but my own. I have had no self confidence in myself and quite frankly did not want to have to deal with the hurtfulness of others. I just could not deal with rejections. I know everyone always says that if people can't see your inner beauty then they are not worth knowing but come on .. be real.. I know that for the most part that looks do mean allot to people and well if I certainly could not stand myself and my looks how on earth could I expect someone else too. I live in the real world of hurt and rejections from people and let me tell you it is not fun and way more common then most average weight or thin people think. But anyways I have taken the plunge and signed up for a couple of singles sites. Who knows if anything will come from it and I will certainly make sure I weed out the weirdos and I can tell you that there have been a couple of them already. I just don't get how anyone who starts off by telling me that they think I am sexy and could be the one for them by viewing one picture and a profile read is really got all his brain functions..lol.. but I am gonna keep the faith that if I am a nice person who is mostly a sane individual and not a crazy stalker and really genuinely trying to find someone who could be the one, then I must believe that there are other "normal" people out there trying to do the same. So we will see how it goes and just take it day by day.. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

I also need to really get focused on my eating.. I feel like I am out of control and need to take back control. I have been going out to eat quite often and It needs to stop. While I still have not ate any sugar or pop or fast food for that matter. Restaurant food is not always a great choice either. I am thinking that I need to go back to the beginning and kind of do a couple of days with nothing but my protein shakes and liquid diet stuff, so that I can get myself back on track as well as possibly jump start the weight loss not to mention get on an actual exercise routine and stick with it.

Well anyways I guess that is all for now. I best get on with my day and make it a productive one.

Talk to you soon Mechele

Oh BOY

2008-09-29T05:22:00.000-07:00

Did I eat allot this weekend. At least on Saturday I did. Not sure what came over me but it seemed like it was non-stop I actually went to 3 restaurants that day and that is something I did not do when I was at my fattest..lol It started off early in the morning when I woke up and had a 1/4 of a left over club sandwich with some Sunchips. Now mind you I picked off most of the bread. Then I spent the day with a friend of mine, we went to the grainary and picked up grain for my horses and then stopped at some local dive. Where I proceeded to order blueberry pancakes with SF syrup. I ate about 1/2 of one pancake. Then we decided to go look at a riding mule for sale. I so wanted to buy her but buying is the cheap part of owning another animal it is the feeding and vet keep after owning that cost.. So despite my wanting, I was able to walk away without purchasing her even though she had the kindest, most sweetest eyes.. and well I just really can't afford it.. Anyways I lost track of my original subject, after that we decided that we would go grab some Thia food. I ate most all of my cup of wanton soup, 2 crab cheeses, and about 3/4 cup of my Thia food with rice.. Boy I felt like a pig!!! BUT WAIT... It does not stop there, after awhile I went home and my cousin Dawn showed up. She asked me to go for a little ride with her and I did, on the way back she was hungry so we ended up stopping at another restaurant. I was not really gonna eat but the temptation was too overwhelming. I ended up having some chips & cheeses as well as 1/2 a turkey Ruben and a couple of French fries... THIS was probably the most food in one day that I have eaten since my surgery..and I felt terrible about it. Sunday I woke up and decided that I was not gonna repeat the mistakes of Saturday but geeze I had all those leftovers in the frig.. So I ended up eating the 1/2 of sandwich for breakfast and some left over Thia food for dinner... (still have some left) BUT I was way more physically active Sunday then Saturday. I went to an auction for a bit and then came home and tackled the lawn cutting as well as cutting and weed pulling in my front pasture by the barn.. It was looking quite bad.. It is amazing how thing just kinda sneak up on you and then all of a sudden you see it and go Crap that looks like shit! That is pretty much what happened. I went riding by myself Sunday with my horse Copper and when I was coming back from my ride I saw it and said to myself that I needed to get moving and get that cleaned up, so that is what I did!!

MY ride on Copper was really good. He was a bit spooky going by himself without a buddy with him but he did fine and we made it home safe and sound . I was really concentrating on my posture and such with the ride as believe it or not it is great exercise for your stomach , thighs and butt. I am really gonna try to ride everyday so that I can firm up those nasty areas of mine. and what better exercise then doing something that I love. I will still do other exercise but I am gonna take advantage of the cool riding weather while I can.

Health wise things are going good at least as far as I know. I am taking my vitamins and well still slacking on my protein but I think I am getting more then I was before. My hair is not falling out as bad as it was, so that is a real good thing. However, I have some concern that I might be developing an ulcer. I have been having some pain that is familiar with ulcer pain (since I have had them before) but at the same time I am almost wondering whether or not it has anything to do with with my gallbladder as while I am not having any serious attacks it has been paining me some and this stomach pain as coincides with that pain. Just my thoughts on it and well since I am not a doctor who knows. I will go in eventually if it gets worse but right now I am thinking I will hold off. Specially since I have been trying new foods and that could be causing some of the discomfort.

Well this is a new week, a fresh start and and hopefully a week that will bring me to the 3 digit weight loss.

Think Thin everyone

Oh SOOOO close

2008-09-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

Boy talk about be right on the edge.

Last weeks Weight Loss -1 lb for a total of -96lbs

This weeks weigh Loss -3lbs

GRAND TOTAL OF - 99lbs gone !!! Talk about being so close..

Well I am sure that next week will be the week that I can officially say I am down over 100 lbs.. I have allot of work to do this weekend as well as some fun stuff planned so I am sure that I will be burning some calories and that will push me over that edge. I am so close I can taste it..lol.. hopefully not really, as tasting could cause me to gain weight..lol..

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine and he is such a good boost to ones ego.. As I walked out of my house he was like "wooo hoooo look at you !!!" and said for the first time since I had surgery that I actually looked to him like a totally different person. He said he could always see the weight loss but now I look totally different.. and then of course added that I was always a beautiful person anyways no matter what I weighed... AHHHH isn't that sweet!!! too bad he is unavailable. Anyways it is such a boost to the ego to hear such nice compliments and hope they never end. But of course this is probably why they call the first year after surgery the honeymoon period. Like all honeymoons the good times will come to a halt eventually and everything will become routine .. At least so I hear.

Onto another subject. Are there any Survivor fans out there??? I love that show and last night was the season premier. That is probably the only show on TV that I will go out of my way to make sure I watch, however I was not that impressed last night and hope that it gets a little better, I did unfortunately miss the first 45 mins or so but I can catch up on that later. It is always sad to me that they vote the older people out so quickly I always am routing for the underdogs.. Anyone out there have any thought on the subject or any early predictions as to who will win?

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend and does at least one thing that is fun!! As fellow blogger Alan says.. Think Thin..

Take care Me-chele

Eating.

2008-09-24T09:11:00.001-07:00

It seems like I have been doing allot of it these past few days. Although my lot compared to what it used to be is nothing much at all. But I have been feeling kinda guilty about it, so that must mean I am doing something bad. I really need to start making a food journal but I have enough trouble remembering everything I have to do now let alone adding one more thing to my good intentions list. Anyways, I have been eating what seems like too much and and I have been getting a few tummy aches, nauseousness and just plain old crappy feeling. I have even felt like I am having stomach ulcer pain as well as my gall bladder has been acting up some. I really have kinda expected the gall bladder stuff as they should have taken it out when I had the surgery done originally but that is a whole other story and well I certainly am not a doctor nor did I get to see my insides so I have no idea whether they made a better decision or not.

Well anyways I am not sure what to think about my eating . As here is what I ate yesterday and it seems or at least felt like I ate way too much.. What do you think?

1 Protein shake in the am
1-1/2"x1-1/2" square of spinach pie
2 inch piece of chicken pita w/mayo
1 cracker
about 10 sunchips - garden salsa flavored
3oz of meat loaf with some baby roasted baby red potatoes with mushrooms and onions
2 piece of sugar free licorice.

That is it, I guess it is not really too bad as far as amounts but maybe it is the kind of food that is what is bothering me. Not to mention I also made a huge mistake in finding all that sugar free candy stuff. I should have just bought one bag and that is it.. But NOOOOO I had to buy a bunch of different kinds and rather then save it for my protein ice cream treat I had to sample them all. And let me tell you that did NOT work out to my advantage, having just one piece a day is fine but the having 5 or 6 pieces is not a good recipe. I have totally learned my lesson on eating too much of those Sunday/Monday night and will not make that mistake again.

I also have gone way off track with weighing myself. I am so wanting to be able to say that I am down over a 100lbs that I keep weighing myself everyday and I am only driving myself crazy doing that. The scale is fluctuating so badly. At night I will be down 3 lbs and the next morning I will have gained 4.. It is making me nuts and I need to stop!!! but I am basically hovering at the same 96lbs so I am thinking I must be at a stall.. But being at that 100lb mark is something that I just can't get out of my head.. You would think that being so obsessed with it would make me eat less then it has but I guess my mind just does not work the way it should...lol I am thinking that I will never, ever have to worry about having any eating disorders.

Well I guess I need to get moving. My mind is going a mile a minute and I need to get back to focusing on my work.. Sorry the post is so jumbled today ..

Take care, Mechele

My Next 38 years

2008-09-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

Waiting to be seated for dinner on the night of my birthday Weight Loss -96lbs
Picture of us after filling our bellies.. Left side front to back ..
My cousins Ashleigh, Bonnie, ME, and my sister Rena'
Right side front to back - my cousin Lani, in her arms Jakkoby, Cousin Zac, Aunt Iris and cousin Dawn.

It was a very nice dinner and I had a good time. I rec'd from my cousins and Aunt, the Ice Cream maker I wanted as a birthday present and I have already made and ate my first batch of Protein Ice cream.. It was not too bad. I made my favorite Choco chip mint. I think since it was my first batch that it will get better as I go along and get the bugs out. I am not much of a cook or experimenter so it will take me a bit to get it down pat but for the first batch it was still pretty darn good and I ate it all. It is amazing, if you actually look in the stores you will see how much stuff is actually made sugar free and still taste good.. Of course, regardless of whether it is SF or not you have to use in moderation. To make the CHOCO mint Ice cream I found the SF Andes Mint patties as well as SF Peanut Butter cups that I can use on another batch of ice cream.

Now to my next 38 years.. I certainly can't begin to speculate just exactly what these years will bring but I am certainly hoping for a dramatic change at least in the near future. My weight is coming off and that is allowing for more confidence and of course better health.. It really is life altering, people who are not overweight do not realize what we go through, mentally/physically as well as what we endure from other people. Yesterday I decided that I was gonna go out and about, I needed some water and such from Sam's club as well as I decided I would do visit and start getting back involved with a Animal charity called adopt - a - pet. I was very active with them before surgery in fostering unwanted animals as well as helping in other events. Anyways, when I walked into the animal shelter no one knew who I was right away. I waited for a bit and finally one of the volunteers said "OH MY GOD..Look at you" She was simply floored with the transformation so far. After that other volunteers finally recognized me as the same person from 4 months ago and were simply amazed at the difference. Boy did that make me feel good.

The other thing that I noticed yesterday was that people really do treat you different when they see you as disgustingly fat compared to just overweight. After a while I kinda made it a game to see and observe other people and what they did or said to me compared to before. For instance.. While I was out I stopped at a farmers market/craft show and there was a booth that was selling baked goods. I stopped and bought some fresh baked dog treats. There was an older lady and husband running it with the help of what I will assume was there son. ( mid 30 or so I would say and very good looking) Anyways, I bought the dog treats and the good looking guy went out of his way, grabbed a bag of over sized sugar cookies handed them to me and said that he wanted me to have them as an extra gift. While of course I did not really want them as I can't eat them, I was certainly not about to say no...lol.. anyways while nothing came of it I took it as a hint of flirtation as he made direct eye contact with me on several occasions. That is something that when I was heavier did not happen, most strangers whether they were men or women would not make direct eye contact. After this I went to Sam's club and found the same thing, people were more receptive in speaking with you, they made direct eye contact and they did NOT hug the walls as you walked by them in the isle. I am sure the fact that I am displaying more confidence in myself helps allot but I have never been a shy person by any means so talking to strangers or whatever was never a problem on my part, so I guess basically what I am trying to get across to everyone is that even though you probably don't think you are treating some one differently you might subconsciously be doing just that. Being that I am experienced at the receiving end of both kind of behavior I am really gonna make a conscience effort to treat everyone the same.. I will be mean to everyone....lol... just kidding.. I really am gonna make the effort to make sure that I do not intentionally treat anyone differently based on appearances and I hope you all try and do the same.

This week is gonna be a busy one, lots to do and get accomplished. I am hoping that it will be a very productive week and have plenty of good intentions, too many to list..lol..

I hope everyone has a good week and Happy Monday !

Too good to be true

2008-09-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

I knew it was probably to good to be true about the 100lb mark so I am glad I did not make it an official weight. The weight loss did not end up being so good but at least I did not gain from my last official weight loss last week and since my monthly enemy has decided to pay a visit I will assume that is some of the blame.

This weeks weight loss -1lb

Grand total - 96lbs gone

Well I guess that means I have at least one more week to stall and get over my issues of the big weight reveal..

Yesterday I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I woke up yesterday morning and was looking at myself naked in the mirror.. I so did not like what I saw. I have a ton of hanging skin already and to make matters worse it is not proportionate hanging skin, there are areas that hang more, hang less, hang uneven... not a pretty sight. So with that observation I decided I had better get to the gym and start working out and shaping up before I become a big pile of blob and they make another return of the blob movie based after me. I was very disappointed when I got to the gym, I was gonna have them take my measurements once again and compare them with the first ones they did a few months. To my dismay I found out that they throw away the cards with measurements on them after 3 months if they have not been used again.. I did not know that and so now I have no starting point measurements so I can't tell you exactly how many inches I have lost so far. But I will make sure to keep closer tabs on it from now on so that I can keep accurate records.

Well tomorrow is my Birthday and it is just another day.. Every year I think about what I want to with my next year and it seems that every year goes by faster & Faster with less time to accomplish things. Here I am another year gone by(38 now) and no closer to doing anything different then I did the year before. Still single, still financially strapped no matter how hard I work and still not entirely happy with myself.. I think once again that this all falls under the "Good Intentions" Blog that I wrote about a while back.. I still have the good intentions to make the changes that I need to make but I guess I just am a little slower at it then most. I have no big plans or anything tomorrow so I guess I will just be playing it by ear, probably do dinner somewhere and maybe some horseback riding during the day.

Take are everyone and I wish you all a great weekend!!!

Till Monday, Mechele

SOOOO tired

2008-09-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

Not sure what is going on other then my long weekend with no vitamins and protein, as well as the extreme heat really took its toll on me. I have been very tired since returning home and have had no energy to do anymore then what I have to. I have, of course, gotten back on my vitamin routine and have not missed any but it will probably take a bit to get my body caught back up. I had a pretty rough morning Wednesday as my gut was killing me with cramping and diarrhea and then I also had a bit of nausea and vomiting. I assume that it is related to my surgery but one never knows. I mean I just automatically think that any type of illness I have stomach or gut wise is because of the surgery but realistically who knows maybe I just have a little bit of a stomach flu which is also why I am so fatigued. I wonder how you are supposed to be able to know and distinguish between the two. I guess that is why they have doctors, but since it only lasted the morning there was no need to go. Not that I would have gone anyways even if it did last longer. ..lol

My protein intake is still giving me issues.. Of course the issue is that I am not taking in what I am supposed to be. I just have developed a hate for the protein powders/shakes, I do eat some of the protein bars but they are not supposed to be for everyday and I do make sure when I eat my meals that I eat all my protein foods first before anything else. I think, However, I have found the solution.. Protein Ice cream!!! Ice cream is one of my very favorite things and there is another fellow blogger who has a ton of recipes for different flavored homemade protein Ice cream. So for my birthday present to myself (I decided against the new outfit as I think this is more important right now and since money is tight I need to be wise with it) I decided to buy myself and inexpensive Ice cream maker so I can experiment with the protein ice cream recipes that I have found on the link below "The world according to eggface" I am really hoping that this will be my savior as eating ice cream would never be considered a hardship for me...lol I can't wait to get my new toy and try it out.

My hair is definitely getting thinner but so far it is not noticeable to anyone except to myself. I do find that some days the hair loss is worse then others, for awhile I even thought it had stopped but then it will start back up again and specially after this past weekend the hair loss has been quite a bit.

On a brighter note I was outside for a few minutes today talking with my neighbor, after a little bit his wife came out and was surprised that it was me. She said that she had looked outside and seen her husband talking to someone but had no idea who it was. She did not realize that it was me!! Being all the weight I have lost she did not recognize me a first.. How cool is that!! I can't wait to see the reactions of other people that I have not seen in a very long time, I am sure it will be great for my ego ! And I certainly can't wait to show off to all those men, who would not give me the time of day because they could not look past my outer self to my inner self. Boy won't they sure realize that it is there loss and not mine..lol.. (gee I am not bitter at all...lol..)

Well I guess that is all for now. I am very tired and ready to lay down and go to bed. Hope everyone has a terrific Thursday and remember to check back on Friday morning to see if I have been able to maintain my 101 lb loss. I have NOT cheated at all and weighed myself since Monday so I am really hoping that I do OK.. Although it may be a tad difficult as my monthly enemy is making its way for a visit. I am not expecting to lose anymore I just don't want to gain anything.. I absolutely love this 100lb threshold.

what a difference 100 lbs can make

2008-09-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

It is amazing... Just the mental aspect of it.. Ever since I weighed myself yesterday I have had this euphoric feeling, the fact that I hit the 100lb mark has just totally given me a mental boost.. I am almost wanting to NOT weigh myself Friday and keep my weight loss amount as is.. I do not want to have any disappointments. Hitting that 100 lb mark just makes me feel mentally skinny. If that makes any sense, it has given me a huge boost to the ego as well as feeling like I have accomplished something. Things are changing so much for me and that it is FANTASTIC.. from the little things like wiping my butt, to being able to bend over to tie my shoes and the big things like the fact that I am no longer feeling uncomfortable with other people I don't know, that I am not worried about them all looking at me with disgust to my fatness and when I walk down an isle, people are not hugging the wall thinking I am taking up all the room and most recently I felt great on my horse and did not feel like people were thinking that the horse should be on my back rather then me on his.

My friend Patty from TN took this picture and sent it to me this morning. I thought I would share it with you. Me & my horse TJ

I also noticed from this picture that I actually have shoulders now, instead of just being a big round ball.

Now also for some other exciting news.. This morning while I was getting dressed I saw a pair of jeans in my closet that I bought like 3 years ago. When I brought them home I realized that I must have been smoking some dope as I somehow had managed to grab a size 16.. I never bothered to take them back and they have been hanging there ever since. Well this morning I grabbed them and said to my dog Porter, half heartily "lets see if they fit" Well imagine my surprise when they went on AND I was actually able to button them as well as zip them up!!!!! I was absolutely AMAZED!!! Now mind you they were a tad snug but they were on none the less. So I am guessing that I should now be wearing a size 18 very comfortably but I don't know for sure as other then those wayward jeans the smallest size in my closet is a 20 and those are fitting rather loose now. This weekend is my birthday so maybe I will treat myself to an inexpensive outfit somewhere other then lane Bryant..

Well I guess that is all my exciting news for the day and as my fellow blogger Alan says "I hope everyone is feeling skinny today"

Home, Home on the range

2008-09-15T09:01:00.001-07:00

Hello Y'all,

I am back from my trip to Kentucky and had a pretty decent time..I arrived home at 230 this morning . The camp was very nice and the trails spectacular.. I am a little disappointed that I did not get to ride more then I did but there can always be another time. I did not make a dent on the trails that are there, that is how many there are but all in all I probably rode horseback about 40-50 miles in total. However, I am really happy with how things went with riding. I got to build up a bunch of confidence in my horse riding skills and that was most important. I felt great on the horse and was really able to keep up and most importantly stay on. Unlike someone else I know.. No names mentioned here... My horse T-bone was really trying to be stubborn and get his own way but I was confident enough to keep him in control ..(for the most part anyways) This trip really did allot for my ego and it felt great as I know that before I lost all the weight I would have never been able to handle this trip. The horse riding and work would have been way too much for both me & the horses. I could not have done 1/2 of what I was able to do this weekend. Right down to the fact that I actually got off my horse a few of times mid trail to adjust things and too just take a break.. Before I would NEVER get off once I got on, as without a step stool getting on was impossible.

The weather was very nice but WAY TOO HOT.. When I left Michigan,,the weather said that it was never supposed to be over 82 on any day in KY .. Well they were so wrong, it was 94 everyday with the exception of Sunday and that was crazy weather. I was actually gonna stay an extra day but the residual from Hurricane Ike showed up and knocked out power so there was no water supply for the horses or ourselves. The wind was gusting up to 60 miles an hour and with the dust and flying branches it got kinda crazy.. We were really back in the middle of no where and some of the roads were impassable due to down trees and such so we decided it was best to head on out. As realistically it could have been too dangerous to ride.

This trip was also allot of work.. It is a whole lot harder to take care of 3 horse out of your own element. Because of the heat I think things were made to be even harder. I started out fine but by Saturday evening I was wiped out. I had not been taking any of my vitamins, as it seems that I was just too busy to bother and well a barely ate anything either. I was too busy working and trying to squeeze in everything I wanted to do and stupid me when I did eat I was in a hurry and ended up not chewing like I was supposed to and the having to vomit because I ate to fast and to big of bites. I was really lacking protein and I think that was really taking a toll on me as well as I was probably seriously dehydrated. I did drink a ton of water but sweated it out as fast as I drank.

Now because of the trip I did not weigh in on Friday but did a special weigh in Weds.. I knew without a Shadow of a doubt that I probably lost a bunch of weight while I was gone this weekend so I weighed in this morning.. And guess what? I was right.. As of this morning I am down -101lbs that is another -6lbs since Weds. But I am NOT making this an official weigh in as because of the circumstances of losing it I may gain some back before official weigh day of Friday.. So everyone keep your fingers crossed that I maintain where I am at right now for Fridays weigh in.

Hope everyone is doing OK and I will talk with you all later..

Happy Trails!!

2008-09-10T01:35:00.000-07:00

Well the day is finally here, I am leaving for my big trip to KY and the Wrangler Horse Camp.. I am very excited to be doing this and am looking forward to some fun and new adventures. I have everything ready and just have to load up horses and be on my way.. I hope I did not forget anything but I am sure I didn't, I probably have way more stuff then I need.

Being that I will not be here to post on Friday I did a special weigh in today. I was really hoping that I would be at the 100 lb mark today but I did not make it. Oh well I gave it a great shot and came pretty darn close specially since I had a weight gain from last week.

Last weeks weight gain of 1lb for a total of -89lbs gone

This week LOSS -6 lbs...(Yippie) for a grand total of 95lbs gone.....

How exciting and sooo close to where I wanted to be. Who would have thought that I could lose so much weight in just a short time. This week weigh in also crossed a new threshold. If you remember from other posts I had lost weight before, gained it back +17lbs.. I am have now officially re-lost all that weight + a few extra pounds... I am now the lowest weight that I have been in probably 10+ years... How exciting is that.. I am also almost 2/3 of the way to my total weight loss goal.. I am sure that by next week weigh in I will be down my 100lbs and then as promised before, I will have to reveal my official start weight. I am still not really comfortable with that but a promise is a promise, I have a week or so to get over it..

Well this is gonna be a short post as I need to get dressed and head out. I am not sure whether or not I will be posting till I get back but I will try if I can get access to a computer and let you all know how things are going.

Happy Trails to you until we meet again.

Here's to a better week.

2008-09-08T04:23:00.000-07:00

At least I hope... I figure if I say and think it enough it will happen. You know something like subliminal messaging.

Anyways, this weekend was pretty good. Got a great work out on Saturday. Went early in the morning and picked up another 100 bales of hay. That is a load off my mind as I was really worried about getting hay for my horses this year, prices went up so dramatically and people are hoarding all there hay hoping that the shortage will drive up prices even further this winter. But I had to load and unload them all that day and that is a great workout. My brother did come and help me which is a good thing.. Afterwards me & Randy took 2 horses to a nearby equestrian park and rode what is a judged trail ride. It is a trail ride through the woods and it has specific obstacles set up and at different points throughout.. You are judge as to how well your horse handles the situation. It was pretty fun and we both did very well. My brother was pretty sore the next day but I felt great..

I also am trying to get ready for my trip coming up .. I am leaving in weds morning and I hope everything goes well. I am really looking forward to this ride. I spent all day yesterday getting tack and such ready. Boy sometimes I think it is harder to get horses & gear ready then it is to have a bunch of kids. I am taking all 3 of my horses which mean I have to bring enough food, hay, buckets , and saddles and of course a bunch of other extra tack as I may need it if something breaks. I am loaded to the gills and more then likely will only need 1/2 of it. lol.. you know you always bring too much. But I guess better safe then sorry as It is not like I will be close to home and can run back and get something.

Now on to my health. I am feeling pretty good but this weekend I did really bad in the protein department. I really did not eat much at all, I was just too busy. (90 lbs ago I would have spent the weekend on the couch) I need to stay on top of my protein but for some reason when it comes to protein I just can't get enough I have no problems at all with taking my vitamins and such but protein is a whole other story. I would like to think I lost some poundage this weekend too but being that I did not eat much I probably stayed the same as my body probably went into starvation mode. It is very strange that I now don't think of food the way I used to. (at least for the most part) I mean before my whole day would consist of figuring out what my next meal will be and now it is the exact opposite. I now have to make a conscience effort to remember to eat specially if I am busy or unless I am stressed out, then the evil part of mind takes over.

Well I guess that it all for now. I hope you all have a great Monday !!

Perfect end to a perfectly crappy week

2008-09-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

Gee, do you catch a little sarcasm in that? Well I was actually really looking forward to today's weigh in. All week long I have actually felt like I was losing weight. You know when you wake up in the morning and your body just feels like it has lost some. Well all week I have felt like that, I really was anticipating some loss. Well guess what? I was wrong!!!

Last weeks total weight loss was 90lbs

This weeks weigh in.. Weight GAIN of +1 lb

Total weight loss - 89 lbs..

How in the world can that be??? I know I am being very hard on myself right now and I should really be happy. In my head I know that there is no way in this world that I am not gonna continue to lose weight but I am just very disappointed right now. My life, in a word right now, totally sucks at the moment with work and other stress, so these weekly weight losses have been the highlight of my dismal weeks.. and since this week is obviously not a good one you can imagine how let down I feel.

Oh I know, I am just having a total pity party right now, but I guess I am entitle to feel the way I feel. I guess I just have to get past it and focus on next week.. But I think it is safe to say that I will not hit my 100 pound mark by the 10th of this month. I will be doing a weigh in the 10th just to see how close I come.

My body is also really sore today. I took a fall off my horse on Weds, and yesterday when I woke up I was surprised that I did not feel any soreness but as the day went on my muscles started to feel it and well this morning I am feeling it more. I also wonder if the fact that I am really stressed right now and that I am a heart attack waiting to happen is possibly causing the weight gain. I know stress really plays havoc on your body and can cause you many issues. Also if you remember from my older post I mentioned that doctor thought my vomiting was caused by stress and the tension that it was putting on my esophagus and she was absolutely right because I have been dealing with that vomiting reflex allot the last couple of days.

I know this is a downer post today, and I feel bad about it. I have been really trying hard to NOT be so pessimistic and down the last couple months and I think I have done a pretty good job. But today and this week I have to make an exception. But I guess things will get better, they always do and I will get through it and boy I hope I can laugh about it in a few years.

I am gonna try to switch up my diet a bit the next few days.. Sometime I think your body does tend to get used to things and maybe if I change things a bit I will get the weight loss flowing again. I think maybe I will really try and focus on making sure I get my protein shakes in.. Kinda like my pre-surgery diet and see what happens besides that I really need to focus on getting more protein anyways so this will help with that and maybe slow down the hair loss as yes it is still coming out. Thankfully I have allot of hair and can afford to lose some.

Well I guess that is it for today, I have probably depressed you all enough as it is.. This weekend will be a busy one as I have tons of stuff to do before I go on my little trip Weds and I have to again do my uncles chores at his horse farm for the weekend so I will be pretty darn active which is good. It will be good to keep my mind active on other things.

Everyone have a great weekend and I will talk to you later

Stress & Eating

2008-09-04T05:26:00.000-07:00

I know I have posted about this before but it is something that is such a big part of my personality, for lack of better terminology. Yesterday was a VERY stressful day. It started off fun & exciting but ended up rather dismal to include the fact that my horse T-bone ended up with several stitches in his head and me with a vet bill I really did not need to deal with but just like with kids you always have those unexpected bills. That, of course, was not all that happened yesterday and I won't bore you with all the details but lets just say that if this was BS time (before surgery) I would have ate my weight in food and then some.

But anyways, as with allot of things that have changed with my surgery stress eating is one of them, whether it is the surgery that has helped me deal with it or the fact that I am re-training my brain is yet to be determined because I personally think that it is a combination of both. Yesterday I found myself going to the refrigerator and pantry a million and one times, just opening the door and looking, looking for something good to eat. Did I eat?? not always as thankfully I really have nothing in my house to eat as I don't buy many groceries anymore, but I did find myself grazing quite a bit specially towards nightfall when the pressures of the days events had time to settle in and started making me mad and anxious. But here is the difference, when I did go to the frig and grab something it was healthy foods and every time I started to eat it I felt guilty and would stop and throw it away or my trusty dog Porter got an unexpected treat. So here I am this morning thinking about everything that I did eat yesterday and really I did not do so bad. Here is the list:

1- protein bar for breakfast 190 calories 20 grams of protein
20oz glass of skim milk & lactaid mixed with a splash of Sugar Free choco Syrup
@3oz or so of left over Japanese steak house food (incidentally if you remember my other post I got 4 more meals out of those leftovers)
1 pc of spinach pie (approx 1" x 2" diameter)
1 piece of string cheese
handful of pretzels dipped in cheese and those little goldfish crackers
water or SF koolaide

and that is all. Realistically that probably only adds up to about 1000 calories if that and realistically thinking I guess I am more aware mentally of my stress eating problem then I thought I was as I am able to actually keep myself in check for the most part (pretzels and Goldfish are not the best choices but hey there are a whole lot worse) Again that asks the question of whether or not the surgery is the reason or whether I am mentally finding ways to deal with it. What do you think?? I am now, as I am writing this, really leaning toward the surgery helping me because if I were to be honest with myself, without me having this surgery, yesterday would have been a food fatality day for me. This surgery prevented me from overeating anything that I put in my mouth and having the surgery has also FORCED me to take a good long look at all my past bad habits and addictions, it FORCED me to think about everything I was putting in my mouth yesterday and most importantly WHY I was putting it in my mouth yesterday, was it because I was hungry, was it because I needed my protein or was it because I was just stressed?

I am not exactly sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, as I stated in the past I am just one of those people who need drastic measures to get my ass in gear and to make changes that need to be made.

What is your opinion?? I would love to hear it.

My truck seat

2008-09-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

Well I was driving to work this morning and I had a realization. I noticed again that I was not very comfortable while driving, I have noticed it in the recent past but since I have not driven any real long distances I did not pay it much attention. Well today while taking the journey to our office in Howell It dawned on me. My truck seat was adjusted to fit a much fatter MEchele. I realized that by losing the weight that I am now sitting too far back and not sitting as high up as I was before. The Fat in my butt must have decreased enough to make the difference.. I actually had to move the seat forward to make the adjustments.

It continues to amaze me at how much being overweight effects the everyday things in life. The above is just one thing that you don't really think about. I have also noticed some other little things such as my hearing aids. I have noticed that they are loser inside my ears and tend to come out of my ears much easier.. Who would have thought that you could have too much fat inside your ears and that my feet are actually not as wide as they were before. I hope that as time goes on will continue to be amazed by the changes that happen.

Did everyone have a great weekend? Mine was pretty uneventful, Had the garage sale for a couple of days and then picked up a supply of hay for my horses. That is a work out in itself loading and unloading 90 bales of hay in the hot, humid weather. But the fact that I could even do it was a great thing because 90 lbs ago me, climbing around on a stack of hay was not something that could be done easily or gracefully..lol

I also went out yesterday for a nice dinner at a favorite place of mine.. A Japanese Steakhouse, it is the first time I have been there since my surgery.. I sat there watching them make all the foods on the grill in front of us and reflected back to the past times that I have been there. I remembered that I used to think that they were not making enough food to eat and that I was always scared that I would not get enough. Now after the surgery I was sitting there thinking Holy Crap! that is allot of food. I came home with my take out box filled to the top and I am sure I will be able to get another 4 meals out of it, before surgery I would eat every bite while there and not have any left overs.

Well I guess that is all for now, I got a ton of work to do.. Talk to you soon.

Weigh day Week 17

2008-08-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

Well I am getting closer and closer to the 100lb mark.. Will I make it by Sept 10th? I guess time will tell.

Last weeks weight loss -4 lbs
For a Grand Total of -86lbs

This weeks weight loss -4 lbs
For a Grand total of -90 lbs GONE!!!

Whoot, whoot. Happy Dance.. Another 10lb threshold crossed. So that leaves 10lbs to go to the 100 lb mark. That is 10lbs in 11 days though, I am thinking that I am not gonna make it but hey I am pretty darn close and will continue to give it my best efforts!!

Well the worst has finally started to happen. The day I dreaded and hoped would never come. My hair has started to fall out. I was/am so upset by it. I was so hoping that it would not happen and when I was in the clinic for my appt last week they asked me about it, I said everything seemed fine so far but I also had said that I really did not know what to look for. They informed me that once it started to fall out I would know, that there would be no mistaking it and they were right!!! I was in the shower and sure enough when I started washing my hair it was coming out, enough that my drain clogged and it was all over my hands and body. I also notice it now that when I comb my hair or run my hands through it I have a whole lot of hair coming out with it.. Very upsetting as my hair has always been what I considered my best feature. I sure hope that it does not last too long, I hate the thought of having to cut my hair because of the thinning. Today I went out and bought some vitamins that are specially for hair, the vitamins have the extra B-12 and Biotin that I need and I am really gonna try to keep up with my protein, as lack of protein is also a big factor in why your hair falls out.

I have also decided that I need to really start keeping better track of my food and protein intake. I know that there are online food journals that can be done so I am gonna see if I can find one that will work for me and start posting daily as to my intake. I am supposed to be getting between 60-80 grams of protein a day(now that my hair is going it has to be increased to 80-120 grams) and I am sure that I probably am NOT getting that much but because I don't keep better track of my intake it is hard to say where I am at. So that is why I need to start staying on top of it better and believe me now that my hair is going I will do my absolute best to get it under control.

This weekend will be pretty uneventful, I have allot of stuff to work on around here as I am having the garage sale for a 2nd weekend as well as I need to start getting ready for my trip on Sept 10th. No extra money right now to be able to go away this weekend as well as the 10th. Not to mention Holiday traffic is always horrendous and something that I really just don't want to deal with.. I am perfectly fine to hang out here and get things done. I have friends who will be camping at a nearby campground on the lake so maybe I will take the boat over there for a day and have some water fun, not to mention I can ride my horses as they need to get in shape.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend!!

Well it only took a little over 24 hours

2008-08-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

For the clinic to call me back about my blood work. They definitely had some new instructions for me as they were pretty concerned about my Vitamin A as it is very low compared to what it should be. She asked me if I was having any trouble with my eyes and well the answer to that is yes... I actually went out the other day and bought a bunch of dollar store reading glasses as I assumed that I was just getting old and needed them which I probably do anyways because I was having reading issues before but the problem had increased quite a bit after the surgery. So maybe the vitamin A will help the issue some. I was also told that I have to switch multi-vitamins to a different brand, one that has a little more Vitamin b in it and I have to switch over to a different calcium as the one I am taking now with the Vitamin d in it is not absorbing the way it should so my vitamin d is low also. That was actually very surprising to me considering how much sun I get and how much milk I drink and of course my protein was borderline low but she was not all to much worried about that one but I do need to increase my intake some. Gee it sounds like I am falling apart but that is not the case at all. It is just being that I am new to the surgery we have to make the adjustments as they come. eventually we will get it all ironed out and I will have a routine down. For now though we just have to keep plugging away. I asked the clinic where I was compared to others and she said other then her main concern the Vitamin A that I was doing just GREAT !!!! so that is good news.

Also I wanted to share with you that over the weekend you all know I had a garage sale. Well during that sale a couple came in and was looking at clothing. They mentioned to me that they just had WLS. I was like so did I, after talking a bit and comparing stories, we found that we had surgery just a couple weeks apart at the same place. (They were a husband and wife who did it together). It was very cool to share stories and talk about our successes. But what I really wanted to mention is this. When you decide to have this surgery it is NOT a quick fix and takes dedication and a will power to change your life and your way of eating and thinking about eating. This couple to me was a couple who, while I wish them the best, did not make the choice to have this surgery for the right reasons and I think they were only looking for that magic fix. The reason I say this is because as they were talking they said a few things that brought up instant red flags. For instance: the weight that they started at were very close to mine and they had not lost nearly as much weight as myself, that alone is not a big thing because everyone loses differently but the facts that they told me that they occasionally eat a bite of cookie ( and for us fat people you know when you say a bite of cookie you really mean you ate way more then that) and that they also had soda pop. Those two things tells me that they are NOT dedicated to losing the weight and most importantly keeping it off. It tells me that they are not looking to change there lifestyle and there way of thinking. I just really feel that they are setting themselves up to fail and that really is sad. This surgery will not help you if you are not committed to helping yourself and changing your ways!! I am proud to say that I have not had any sugars or any pop since 4/12/08 and I plan on continuing that for a very , very long time.. I mean heck I have come this far, had my guts rearranged so why on earth would I want to jeopardize it and you know what? It does not really even bother me all that much, the other day I went to a B-day party there was a big old cake and I was not the least bit tempted, while everyone ate cake I snacked on some watermelon and found that to be just as tasty if not more so. I guess the whole moral of this story is that I am just bringing this to your attention because if you are reading this and are thinking about having this surgery I want you to really think about the reasons you are doing it and be ready to make a total lifestyle change.

Take care everyone.... Talk to you Friday, weigh day !! MEchele

Busy, busy, busy

2008-08-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well what a weekend!!! First off I would like to say congratulations to my sister Rena for completing her first Crim... 10 mile race thru Flint.. Very impressive to be able to run that long. I certainly could not do it. I myself just did the 1 mile walk with my family and that was fun.. Kinda made me feel bad about not doing something a little bit more challenging but when you add up all the walking you had to do to get from where you parked to the start of the race you pretty much completed a 5k.

This past week and weekend have been very busy and stressful. I had a big garage sale this weekend and will probably have it again next weekend. Did not get a whole lot of traffic as the bridge is out on my main road and traffic is being detoured but next weekend I will have it again and since it is a holiday I am sure there will be allot more people out and about.

The great thing about being busy of course is that I am super active and really working off the calories and what I hope to be pounds. I think this weekend if you add up all the walking and running around I did It probably equals a marathon.. My uncle was gone again so I had to go to his house twice a day and take care off all his chores too. So with the garage sale, the race, work, his chores and mine... I was busy, busy, busy.. and I am also tired, tired, tired..

I was finally able to get a copy of my blood work from the doctors office. And of course after all this the doctor did not order my protein level so I am still in the dark about where that is.. Makes me so mad that things just can't be done right. I am really upset with the after care program that the bariatric clinic has for there patients. They won't order the blood work even though they are the ones who want it. They make me order it from my primary doctor who in her defense did not do the surgery or even specialize in it so she is not really to blame and because of the friggin mountain of people who have to have there hands in it things get missed and messed up.. I really just do not understand why the bariatric clinic just can't order the blood work themselves so that it does not have to go through so many other channels to get to the place it needs to be. I am looking at my results and see that there are several things that are low ( Iron, HDL cholesterol, Vitamin A, & prealbumin not sure what that is) But being I am not a doctor I have no idea whether or not these things are something that need to be addressed or whether they are OK. There are also several things that are right on the border of being low but I guess I will have to wait and see what the clinic says. I called them and told them I was faxing the result over and that I expected a phone call ASAP, so we will see how long it takes for anyone to call.

Otherwise though I am feeling rather well. It continues to amaze me how little I eat. My sister in law who was here over the weekend is very tiny and such a light eater. It cracks me up that I am now the one who eats so very little and I mean little. Before I could eat 3 to her 1 and now It is the other way around. I just hope that someday I will be as little as she...

Well anyways better get moving this morning got a million things to do and what seems like so little time.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

weigh day week 16

2008-08-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

Hey there, Today is weight day and here are the results

Last week weight loss -2 lbs for a total of 82 lbs

This weeks weight loss is ....-4lbs

Grand total so far.......-86lbs

Yippie !!!!! I am getting pretty darn close to that 100 lb mark.. I wanted to reach it by Sept 10th and I am only 14 lbs away. Can I do it?? Not sure but I am giving it a darn good try. I got 19 days to lose it but if I don't I am still doing great and I won't let it bother me..( at least not too much.lol)

Things have been going Ok. Been quite stressed lately over the economy and life in general ( mostly the economy) but I have not in anyway reverted to any stress eating. That is a good thing and even though I have been stressed out, I have been handling it all rather well. My moods have improved so much since the surgery that things are pretty much bouncing off of me. I am not losing any sleep, I am not stress eating or most importantly I am not shedding too many tears. . ( I hate being a cry baby) I am not sure exactly why things feel so much better but I do know that it does some how stem from having this surgery and losing weight. It could be that the lesser weight has allowed my hormones to return to normal or it could be that the lesser weight has allowed my drugs to finally start working the right way. Who knows but whatever the reason I am not complaining.

I am trying to get ready for a big garage sale this weekend but as usual my good intentions are not happening. I may have to put it off until next weekend. Too many things going on at once and the day just seems to slip by. Seems like it is always all or nothing, bored one week and then everything falls on the next.

Tomorrow, I am going to be doing a 1 mile walk at the Crim in Flint. I probably really should have done the 5k run but well to be blunt.. I just don't like it ! Running is not my thing. I would however, like to take the time to tell my sister Rena' GOOD LUCK tomorrow, she is actually running the Crim (10 mile race thru Flint) She has been training very hard for this event and should be very proud of herself!! I am sure she will do well.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.. Check back on Monday and see how everything went. I promise next week I will post more.

Take care, ME chele

Sorry Readers

2008-08-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

I have been kinda busy the last few days and have been unable to post. I was up north all weekend and that was a decent time. Did a bit of fishing and hanging out with the family and the past two days seem to be a blur. I had to work my second job and then come home and do whatever needs to be done for the mortgage job and then try to get ready for my big garage sale this weekend. Which of course is not coming together all that smoothly but my nephew is here spending a few days with me so I am gonna be putting him to work big time.. He will probably not ever want to stay at my house again with as much work as he is gonna do but that is OK it is good for kids to learn the value of hard work.

I had my 3 month check up at the doctors this morning. Of course it is more like going on 4 months as I was delayed in making my appt. I was supposed to get the results of my blood work but of course you know doctors offices, they can never do what they say. My primary doctor assured me that she faxed over my lab results to the clinic. Of course, today when I was there they did not have them... Who dropped the ball I wonder. I get so annoyed at crap like that specially when you try and make sure it doesn't happen. So the moral of the story is that I wasted 2-1/2 -3hours in the doctors office to find out really nothing. Well I take that back I did find out about another little problem I have been having.. I have been having these dry heaving spells. I get no warning or nothing and out of the blue I will just start dry heaving. Very annoying specially when you have no warning at all. These spell come quickly and leave just as quickly and I had no idea why they have been happening.. Specially more frequently lately. The doctor seemed to be very puzzled by this fact as I have no pain, or that there was no eating pattern with it. She was very persistent in asking me questions about the problem and was able to figure it out. One of the questions she asked was about my burping.. Yes I burp allot now, Sometimes burp marathons and then she asked me about stress and yes I have been under some major stress lately. With that info she figured it out, I was actually quite impressed. But it seems that my esophagus is probably stretched out and well basically very flexible. When I get stressed the muscles in my body tense up, this could cause my esophagus to basically move or get tighter which then, and because of my stomach surgery, it can cause me to dry heave. After her bringing this up I started thinking about all the times that it has happened and she is right it has happened when I am stressed or worked up about something. So of course with that information there is not much I can do about it other then try not to get stressed. HA, easier said then done..

I also had to get weighed at the doctors today and was told that I am right on schedule with my weight loss. I have lost a total of 40% of the weight they think I need to lose or at least that their weight chart says I should weigh. Me, on the other hand, know that the weight chart is full of bologna and if I weighed what they say I should I would look terrible. I have a weight goal in mind and by my calculations I have officially passed the 1/2 way point... This makes me very happy.

Otherwise, my health is going great.. I feel better and look better and can't wait to keep shedding the pounds.. !! and no hair loss yet!!! Yippie!!!

Talk to you all soon, Mechele

weigh day Week 15

2008-08-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Hello All. Weigh day week 15 is here and I am pleasantly surprised. I really did not expect any loss since last week was so great

Last week weight loss -7 lbs for a total of 80lbs gone

This week weight loss -2 lbs for a new grand total of -82lbs.

Very cool !!

I have 18 more pounds to go before September 10th and I am confident that I will make it.. This is just a personal goal for me and of course I still have plenty of more pounds to go after that but for now this is what I am striving for.

Now, I am gonna move on and talk about something that is bothering me... and that is being disappointed by the people who supposedly care about you and that are your supposed friends. I am sure many of you have had this happen to you and it feels terrible, but doesn't there come a point when you have to say enough is enough. How many times can this person hurt me or screw me over before you are through....

Sometimes I feel like I should just start looking out for #1 because no one else is gonna do it. Sometimes I just lose faith in the whole human race and wonder what has happened to everyone. Now, of course, I know not everyone out there is like that, and I am certainly not perfect when it comes to stuff but I do generally try to be a nice person, I do try to be a person that will help someone no matter what and if I do make mistakes it is not intentional. I guess I just need to vent about this for moment because sometimes it seems like the world is just working against me.

Now you are probably wondering how this relates to my journey with weight loss and Gastric bypass. Well let me tell you how it ties in. I was a MAJOR stress eater, I used food as a crutch to get through my tough times, my emotional times. Food was never a disappointment to me and food never let me down. I realized yesterday after my crappy day that all I could think about was eating. All I wanted was a big old Halo Burger w/olives, fries and cheese sticks!! and that was just a stress reaction, I was not hungry and I certainly did not need to eat that kind of food.. and I didn't. I was able to resist the temptations of crap, eat sensibly and stop when I was full. I did not eat anything I wasn't supposed to nor did I do any late night grazing like I would have normally done before I had my surgery. I am grateful that the surgery has helped me control those old nasty habits and help me gain insight as to why I ate and got as large as I did.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. I am am going up-north this weekend with my family members to accomplish some outside work as well as have a bit fun. I hope you all have a great weekend and I will talk to you soon.

Take Care.. Mechele

Saddle up !

2008-08-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

Oh I was soooo excited last night. I had my friends Rich & Wayne coming over and we were going to go to the County Fair together. I asked them if they could watch me ride my horse T-bone for the first time. Tbone is a great horse but I have not ridden him in over a year because he tends to be a bit feisty and when I am too fat it is very hard for me to maintain my balance on him, so if he acts up I am gonna be on the ground and well I hate it when that happens. Anyways, Wayne being the gentlemen that he is offered to get on him first, he rode around the yard and tbone did very well, then it was my turn.. I immediately said that I needed my mounting block, I have never been able to get on my horses without one as hauling my large fat a$$ up has always been a challenge. Well Wayne said to me why don;t you just give it a try first without it. Of course, I had my doubts but I agreed anyways. I lifted my leg and was actually able to put my foot in the stirrup, this was a feat in itself as I was not able to do that before, I then attempted to get on and failed... This of course did not surprise me much. Wayne then said come on give it one more try and holy crap it was like god had his hands on my butt and lifted me up!!! My leg swung over and my butt was planted in the seat of my saddle!!! I was speechless and then the biggest smile came over my face... I know for some of you it might not seem like much but for me it was a huge accomplishment. My friend Rich asked me how long it had been since I was able to do that, my response was NEVER... I had never been able to do that while owning my own horses. I now no longer have to fear going out on my horses and worrying about what happens if I need to get off because I know that I can get back on. This is just so exciting to me and now I can't wait to keep saddling up and getting stronger. I am so looking forward now to my Horse riding trip to KY in September, I am anticipating that this will be a great one. One that I will actually enjoy to my fullest and I will not have any stresses in my mind about whether or not I will be able to keep up with all the other riders.

Afterwards we went to the county fair and that was sure a food tempting place. all those greasy, nasty, fatty foods!!.. and no matter how bad they are for you I sure still want to eat them!! and well I did eat some. Basically I would buy something or Rich and Wayne would buy something and I would take a bite so I could get the flavor and then I would give the rest to the guys to eat. SO I did not feel bad at all about what I ate and the funny thing is after I went home I still had kinda a sweet tooth. So I got me a couple of chunks of watermelon and that ended up being the best tasting thing I ate all night!! Amazing isn't it.. I would not have said that months ago.

Gee, I guess I had a pretty good evening last night and I hope that you all did too. Tomorrow morning I will not be able to post but be sure to check on Friday ( weigh Day) to see if I have made any other further progress. although I am not anticipating too much as I lost quite a bit last week.

Talk to you soon ..

New Pictures. Week 14

2008-08-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

This is a week 9 picture

And this is a current picture ... What a difference already

Hey there, I have now downloaded some new pictures for you all to see. So just click on the link below and check them out. It is really cool to see the differences, but it is not really cool to see exactly where my problem areas are. I really am gonna have to concentrate on working out more, specially when it comes to my thighs, butt and triceps(underarms) or else I will be needing some serious plastic surgery in the future. I mean I already know I am gonna need some but a whole body lift was not in the picture nor is it in the budget..lol, unless of course, me and my new slimmer bod meet Mr. Right who is also known as Mr. Filthy Rich...lol.. but anyways seriously I am gonna have to shape up or become a big blob of jello. My new theme song could definitely be.. "Watch it wiggle, see it Jiggle.." and I already refer to my underarms as Teradactyl Wings. Hey at least I got a sense of humor about it.

Well today's post is a short one .. Sorry.. Things are pretty busy this week and well it is hard for me to think of things to write about all the time. I am doing so well that there are not many things to complain about or focus on.. That is actually something I find surprising, I guess knowing that this surgery was a very risky one had me really expecting allot of complications and problems. I am so thankful that I am doing so well and so happy that I am getting closer and closer to my goal.

Talk to you all later..

Yippie,,,, another threshold crossed.

2008-08-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

Hey all, I hope you had a great weekend.

Well I know that I said that I would not be weighing myself but once a week but well I had to cheat again... I knew since my numbers the past couple weeks have been very small that I was due for something big. So this weekend I weighed myself on Saturday night and was very pleasantly surprised but I was not gonna say anything because unless the number stays that way a couple of days it could be just a fluke.... Well sure enough I weighed myself this morning and I was even 1lb lighter then Saturday night so I know now that I have officially crossed the threshold and can safely announce the weight loss ... So here it is...

as of today August 11, 2008 I have lost another -4.5 lbs which brings me to a GRAND TOTAL of -80lbs!!! Yippie... I just LOVE IT when I cross another 10 lb threshold. My next goal is to be at my 100lb mark by Sept 10th, this is when I am going on my big Horse back riding trip, so that is 20 lbs in 30 days. I hope it is doable. I will at least give it my best shot.

I will be taking a couple of pictures today and will post them tomorrow for everyone to see. I realized it has been awhile since I took any so I thought today would be a good day. Which was also another reason why I weighed myself I wanted exact poundage for my new pictures.

Otherwise, things are going well. I did have a bit of problem Saturday. I am having a real hard time getting my bowel movements to regulate and this is creating quite a bit of havoc on my body.. When I go to the clinic for my next appointment I will be sure to ask about this as I am sure I am not the only one to have this problem.

Everyone have a great Monday and be sure to check back tomorrow for some new pictures.

Talk to you soon MEchele

weigh day week 14 & a sweet tooth

2008-08-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

Well here are the results !!!!

last weeks weight loss -1 lb

This weeks weight loss -2.5 lbs

for a grand total of -75.5lbs

2.5lbs I really am kinda disappointed with that number. I thought that it would be a little bit bigger but I guess any loss is better then a gain. I have been feeling really bloated the last couple of days which is odd so maybe that has something to do with it. Hopefully next week will be better.

Well I have to say as time goes by I am finding that I am more and more starting to crave sweet things. The first couple of months this was not an issue at all, now I am finding it harder to ignore. I see people eat all kinds of cakes and cookies and and it is getting difficult to resist however I keep telling myself that I am NOT able to eat that stuff. I am trying to treat sugar like it is an illness, that if I eat it I will die or something.. That is the only way I know how to keep myself in check. I know that there are allot of things that are Sugar free out there but I am really trying hard not to indulge myself in them too much.. I am afraid that once I find out that they are good and taste sweet I will not be able to eat just one, and no matter what it is, whether it is sugar free or not if you eat more then you should you will gain back all the weight you lose and that is something I will not let happen. I have, however, indulged myself in one little treat and that is Sugar free ice cream.. Ice cream has always been one of my most favorite things. I am very good about limiting my intake of it though and only allow myself a small portion. 1/2 cup maybe at most and only very occasionally .. It has helped some in getting rid of my cravings and it actually has some protein in it which is good.. (Just trying to justify it a bit...lol)

Speaking of protein I am getting very nervous about what my blood work is gonna say.. It should be making its way to the clinic here soon if not already. I am thinking my protein level are gonna be low and I am gonna get a big lecture, not to mention I think my hair has started falling out some. It seems like it is thinner then it was and I notice that I find more then normal floating around.. but then again because I am so worried about my hair falling out I could be looking a tad too close and what I am seeing is really the norm I just never paid that close attention before. I really hope that is the case, I mean I can afford to lose some but I don't really want to .

Well I guess that is it for now, I am off to my second job.. not really liking it too much but I gotta do what I gotta do. The good thing about it though is that I am really active while there, I do allot of walking and such so that is a good way to get the metabolism flowing .

Hope you all have a great weekend.. Talk to you again on Monday !!

Bad Moods

2008-08-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

Have you all ever just woke up in the morning in a bad mood? That was me yesterday, but it has actually been a long time since I woke up in such a bad mood and I am crediting my surgery for that and I am thankful. I think the weight loss has really helped out on keeping my hormone levels under control as well as allowing my anti-depressant drugs to work better which is why my bad mood days are getting fewer and far between. People do not realize that being over weight has a BIG effect on a persons hormone levels and it really throws you off balance mentally and physically. When you have high hormone levels due to obesity many things happen. Your mood swings are crazy, you get depressed, which makes you eat more, you retain water/bloat and it even effects your skin coloring and acne. I have to say that my nasty acne problem has really cleared up allot and now that it has cleared up and that I have my summer tan going my skin looks so much better then it did before.. I really look much healthier and I even have had many people comment about it. So that makes me feel really good.

Also, with the losing the weight and getting my levels in check I really am getting in better control of my emotions. For a while there I would cry at the drop of a hat over anything and that was really something that drove me nuts.. I mean I would be driving down the road and start to think about something that might have happened 25 years ago and start bawling like a baby or I would be sitting in front of the TV and start crying over a Kleenex commercial or a Little house on the Prairie re-run . I am supposed to be the tough guy and I hated that I was turning into a big cry baby, so I am very pleased that I am now returning to normal. That my mood is just becoming very mellow and that I am not obsessing and driving myself crazy over whatever worry I have at the moment and half the time the worries I was obsessing about were not even my own..lol. Don't get me wrong though I still stress & worry, specially right now when it comes to money but I am much more in control of it then I was before and for this I am very thankful.

I am so glad that I had this surgery and so far I have absolutely no regrets!! it has been so good for me and I am so excited to continue on with this journey and look forward to even more positive changes in the future.

Take care everyone, Talk to you soon

What a weekend

2008-08-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

I had a good weekend and hope you all did too.. As I am losing weight it is amazing how much easier things are to do. I am more eager to go out and do things fun and to go out and actually work outside without feeling like I am gonna die, Specially in the hot weather. Being overweight makes hot weather unbearable. While I still don't like hot weather(I always said I should live in Alaska) the more weight that comes off makes the hot weather just a bit more tolerable and I am able to work outside much better then before, not to mention as the weight has come off it makes doing things outside much more easier. For instance, just getting on the riding lawn mower was a big chore before not to mention that fact that when I was on it I felt like I was this huge person on this itty, bitty machine. Now I am feeling like it is more proportionate and the lawn mower even seems to drive faster now that the weight load is not so much. I am also finding that I am able to be more flexible, jump around more and really get into my work outside without the pain in my knees when I have to get up and down too much or the pain in my feet because I had been on them to long. This is very cool for me as I really like doing outdoors things. This weekend I had borrowed my uncles John Deere and did allot of work with it, brush hogging, moving rocks, cleaning my barn.., It felt great and I felt like just a good ole country girl. Even sang the theme song to Green Acres a few time..lol.. I even got brave enough and wore a tank top around the property to work on my tan.. Of course, still not brave enough to do that in public but hey baby steps here.

I did get stung by a bee this weekend and for those of you who don't know I am allergic and being stung just causes me big grief. I was a little worried about giving myself the Epie pen shot as I was not sure if my surgery would effect anything but it was fine thankfully. I am actually grateful that this was my first sting of the year. Last year by this time I was on #5 or 6 so I guess that means the new exterminator I hired is doing a much better job then the old one.

This week will hopefully be a good one for me, I of course, have plans to get lots of things done and if I accomplish at least 25% of them I will be happy.

Take care , And I will talk to you all later...

Weigh day week 13

2008-08-01T02:32:00.000-07:00

Well I knew today's weigh day was not gonna be the greatest but at least I did not gain anything from last week.

Week 13weight loss -1lb
Total weight loss to date -73lbs

It is amazing how life monthly friend can create havoc on your body, while I am at least down 1lb from last week I am up 1 lb from Tuesday. But I am not gonna freak out about it as I know it will be gone and next week weigh day will be a pretty good one...

This weekend will be a busy one, I as always, have a ton of work to do outside as well as I am taking care of my uncles horses over the weekend so I will be staying pretty darn active and will be working off a few calories.

yesterday I did finally go and get my blood work done. The lady doing the blood draw told me she had a bypass over 8 years ago and was doing wonderfully. She had lost over 125lbs and looked great. I can;t wait to be a success story like that, although I am hoping for just a tad bit more in the weight loss dept.

Anyways, gotta get to work this am.. Talk to you again Monday !!

New Size !

2008-07-31T06:20:00.000-07:00

Well I decided to be brave this morning and see if any of my old size 20 clothes fit and guess what?? They DID !!! Yippie!!!! How very exciting I am now able to wear all the clothes in my closet that I bought a few years ago. So I am gonna officially declare that I have now dropped another size..

Pants size now Size 20 (Start Size 28)
Shirts size now Size 18/20 (Start Size 26/28)

I am very thrilled with this because I have allot of cute clothes in the closet that I have not been able to wear, specially shirts. Although I will admit that they don't fit quite the same as they did before. When I lost the weight last time I was really working out everyday for at least an hour I was getting ready for my vacation of a lifetime to Australia. I did not realize just how much that exercise can sculpt your body. So with that being said I am gonna really try and focus on getting back into a complete exercise routine. Don't get me wrong I do exercise now but I am not as strict about it as I was several years ago. ( and even without all the exercise my size 20 clothes still look good on)

I am going to get my blood work done today, I am kinda nervous about the results of it. I know I have been screwing up with taking my protein and calcium.. I don't do it intentionally but I guess it is because I feel really good and don't think about it. I have no problem taking my vitamins and stuff every morning but after that it just seems to go down hill. You are supposed to space everything out accordingly at different times through out the day but that is so easier said then done. Because of the way my body absorbs minerals now I can't just take everything all in the morning together. Vitamins have to be taking several hours apart from calcium because supposedly if taken together it will not absorb in my system as much and that also goes the same with the protein. So this is something I really need to start focusing on, I would hate to have complications later because of vitamin deficiency's

Everyone have a great day today and check in tomorrow for my weigh in but don't be too surprised if there is not a big loss or even possibly a gain.

Pre- weigh day

2008-07-30T02:24:00.001-07:00

Hello All. Kinda a short post today, once again I have to go to a 2nd job because as I stated in the past the mortgage business is pretty tough right now and a girl has to do what a girl has to do..

I did a no-no yesterday and weighed myself. I have received my monthly visitor and I wanted to see what my weight was before its full fledged arrival as I am sure on weigh day Friday I will not be marking any weight loss at all. As of yesterday morning I was down another 2lbs bringing my weight loss to a total of 74lbs. That is great news!!! I have now officially lost all the weight I had lost a couple of years ago and am now starting on the additional 17lbs that I had gained on top of that. I am very excited by this as I am now officially working on extra pounds. Slowly but surely I am getting the weight off. My goal is to have that additional 17lbs gone in 3 weeks and that I hit the 100lb mark by the time I go on my horse trip on Sept 10th, I do not know if I am being realistic or not but I guess time will tell.

Otherwise I am feeling good. Still need to pick it up on my water and protein intake and If I don;t I am sure that the doctors office will be giving me a big lecture.

Good intentions.. I have been doing pretty good about it. Accomplishing maybe 1.2 of what I set out to do everyday but 1/2 is way more then what I was doing so it really is an accomplishment. This week again I am focusing on outdoors yard work. I have a list that needs to be done by the end of the week and I am actually moving forward on it.

Hope everyone has a great day!... Talk to you all soon

It's a new week to start fresh

2008-07-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

As I said last week I wake up and think this is a new week to start fresh and get things accomplished. So once again I am gonna make it a goal to get some good intentions done. Every week I hope that it becomes easier and easier to become more focus and get my act together for lack of better words. I have so much to do to the next couple months and allot of things to get accomplished and I am looking forward to being active.

My weekend went well, I accomplished some thing for my mom at her home up north. My cousin Dawn was driving up to go to a baby shower on Saturday so I drove along with her. She dropped me off at my moms and picked me up later in the day.. It was great for me as I got to see my mom, help her with some stuff and saved on gas money going. On Sunday I got lots of exercise walking around an 80-acre flea market, did not really buy anything other then $7.00 worth of John Wayne stuff ( My hero ) but it was good exercise and got me out for a while. Of course doing that did not get any of my own house/yard work done but again this is a new week, a fresh start!!!

I am feeling pretty good, Still getting a bit tired and still having some weird dizzy spells but they are not getting any worse so that is a good thing.. As I said before I am due for blood work so that will tell if I am low on any levels. I am really gonna focus on getting my protein in this week, I really have been slacking on it and I think my hair has started to fall out some. It is not something that I can see as happening drastically but I am noticing when I wash it that it is feeling like it is thinning a bit. I can afford to lose some hair but I don't want to lose to much. I am also gonna really focus on getting my daily water in as I have been slacking on that also. It is so weird that eating and drinking have become a hassle to me. Total switch from my pre-surgery days. Although the drinking is mostly a problem to me because I have really never been a big water drinker I usually always drank Diet Coke and let me tell you I have been having big problems lately not drinking it. It is odd to me that I really am craving a diet coke, you would think that after 3 months I would be fine with it but yet every time I see soda it is all I can do to stay away from it. It is truly one of the only things I really miss. My mom asked me this weekend if I had any regrets about having the surgery, I told her absolutely NOT but I did miss my diet coke and that was the only thing.. SO I guess if you look at the big picture that is a very small price to pay for having health back !!

Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend... Happy Monday

PS.. for those of you who live in my area Cheap Gas alert.. 3.54 a gallon at Dort hwy & Mt Morris Road..

Weigh Day - Week 12

2008-07-25T02:12:00.000-07:00

Well I broke the 60's and am now in the 70 zone..

Last weeks weight loss -4.5lbs for a total of -69.lbs

This weeks weight Loss -3lbs for a grand total so far of -72lbs gone

Not bad, not bad at all... I was actually a little worried that it would be an even smaller number then that so I am please. I actually ate more this week then I have in the past so I thought that it may effect me but thankfully it did not.

Today's post is gonna be a little short as I have to work a different job today.. The mortgage business is pretty tight right now, so if you are thinking about refinancing or buying a new home be sure to let me know and I will help you out!!.. ( sorry a little business plug there!)

How did everyone's good intentions go for the week? I am sorry to say that mine did not go so well. I did really try but apparently accountability does not even help me all that much.. I have other theory's as to why I never get stuff done but I am going to leave that theory to myself and see if I can figure out a way to get a handle on it. But in the meantime I am gonna keep doing the 1 a day list, hopefully I will eventually get it right and get it done. This week was not a total loss I did get more accomplished then I probably would have without the the list and accountability so maybe as more time goes by I will get it right.

I have been feeling pretty good still, however I have been getting very tired and been having a few dizzy spells but I don't really feel that they are anything serious. I have been kinda slacking on my protein and water intake so I am sure that probably has something to do with it and will make sure I correct that. I am due for some blood work so I will get that done and make sure everything is good.

Last night I ate some watermelon it was so tasty and I have had it before and had no problems. However I must have ate to fast or too much or both because I had major issues with it. Probably one of the worst I have ever had since the surgery.. It is funny sometimes when I am eating or whatever I wonder if the surgeon actually did anything but then all of sudden something happens like last night and I can say YUP I definitely had some surgery ..

Well anyways gotta scoot.. I hope everyone has a great weekend..

Talk to you soon

3 month aniversary

2008-07-23T06:48:00.001-07:00

Can you believe it !!!! It seems like I waited so long for this to happen and then BAM it is 3 months later. I am now officially off all food restrictions with the exception of sugar and carbonated beverages. Those are something I am NEVER supposed to have again.. and I am gonna make sure that I don't. Honestly though I don't think that they will bother me but I don't want to find out because I know if I do find out that I can tolerate it I will just be opening the door to sabotaging myself and I don't want that to happen, so I am just gonna keep on assuming that I will get sick if I eat or drink any of it.

Anyways here is a list of some of the major changes that have effected me since my surgery.

1) I have now kicked the fast food and Diet Coke habit.. I have not had either in 3 month & 2 weeks.!!
2) My feet/knees no longer pain me, I can actually walk, run, have fun and work for much longer periods of time without having to deal with the major pain.
3) I am feeling better about myself
4) I am so starting to look forward to all the things that I will be able to do without the fear and embarrassment of being too fat.
5) I can see now see food and be near people eating food and NOT feel like I have to eat it.
6) I am now the one at the kitchen table who eats less then everyone else, Including my very petite sister-in-law Nan.
7) My smaller clothes are fitting again. Not all yet but most
8) I am wearing shorts again in public which is something I tried very hard not to do when I was at my heavier weight.
9) I can actually bend down now and tie my shoes, the bow is actually in the center rather then off to the side because of having to sit down and swing my legs up.

and the top 10 change is

10) I can wipe my butt without breaking into a sweat !!! lol..
Yup I know you really wanted to hear that... lol... but the reality is when you are fat even the daily things like shoe tying and butt wiping are a struggle. Things other people just take for granted and never even have to think about are a major issues with the morbidly obese. I just thought I would put that in for a shock factor, to make people realize that being fat effects everything right down to the smallest issues.

Now on to my good intentions.. I wrote 2 days ago that my good intention was to get my front weeds done and I have to say I sorta cheated on that. I started out on them and then I actually got my cousin to help me out with it also. He, however, did not get it finished so I will HAVE to get it done by tomorrow morning. SO it is my intention that I must finish it today along with getting at least 1/2 of my grass cut!!

How are you guys doing with your good intentions? I look forward to hearing about how you did.

Everyone have a great day !!!!

my life is becoming more active

2008-07-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

I just hope I can make myself keep up.. It has seemed that the more weight I lose, the more I am wanting to do.. That of course is a good thing. My problem, however, is that I want to do fun things rather then work things.. But I guess who wouldn't prefer fun over work. I have planned a cool trip to a Wranglers campground in KY. We are going to meet my cousins Brent & Joyce there for a long weekend. ( Healthier Chelle be sure to come to if you can Sept 11-14th) I am bringing my horses and am really looking forward to it. This will actually be my first major horse trip ever.. I have allot of work to do between now and then not to mention I better try and save some money or I won't be going at all. ( Big Garage sale to be announced)

This weekend was pretty good if you take out the rain part of it. My brother & his family came over and we went fishing.. Of course it was redneck fishing.. We got this brilliant idea that we would launch my moms boat in my pond out back and go fishing, now for those of you who don't know My pond is not that big, the boat was not even able to turn around in the pond, you either had to go in reverse or forward.. it was too funny.. Just picture it, this 16' fiberglass boat in the middle of this little pond with 4 people in it fishing.. Talk about redneck !! But hey I caught the biggest fish..lol

As for my good intentions.. I wrote last week that my good intention was to get my house cleaned. I had a bunch of issues pop up that day but I did get my house pretty clean, I ended up staying up till about 130 am to do it but at least I got it done...However you would not know it now, as a clean house does not seem to last long with me. My next good intention is a big one.. and this is gonna be a 2 day good intention and that is to get the front flower beds of my house weeded, they are absolutely full of weeds and my mother is gonna kill me if she see its. So this is a MUST DO intention.. It was suggested to me by leigh Ann that accountability is a good way to get intentions accomplished. SO by me telling you about my intentions it forces me to get them done as I certainly don't want to look like a schmuck to you my readers.

I hope everyone had a great weekend... Talk to you soon

Weigh Day Week 11

2008-07-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Last weeks weight loss -5.5lbs for a total of -64.5lb loss

This weeks weight LOSS -4.5 lbs

Total weight LOSS so far -69lbs...

YIPPIE !!!!! Although it seems like I have been in the 60's for quite a while now so I am gonna work real hard this week to break that mark.

Also, and this is something I have not really spoke about before but back a couple of years ago I dropped some weight,I did not drop as much as I wanted (at that time it was 74lbs that I lost) and I obviously gained it all back PLUS an additional 17 lbs. It has been very important to me to lose that weight again because that is when I will start feeling like I am losing weight.. Does that make any sense to you?? To me that is when I will start feeling like this surgery is helping me even more then it already has. I guess it is because of the fact that I was that weight not so long ago and when I get over that mark I will start feeling like I am entering a new phase. I am very excited for that day to come and it is only 22lbs away. Of course it would only be 4lbs away if I had not gained that additional 17lbs but I can't change what is and can only go forward.

Of course, now after I speak about all this weight loss I must confess that last night I cheated slightly.. Not a big cheat but it certainly was not my best choice in foods but oh did it taste so GOOOOOOD.. I had my first slice of real pizza from Pizza Hut. Now keep in mind I ate mostly the top off it and hardly any of the crust and I probably can't even say I ate 1 whole piece but boy that hot melted cheese, with fresh mushrooms and ham was absolutely heaven!!!!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Don't forget to write down a good intention today and stick to it. Mine is to actually get my house cleaned, this is a rather big intention but if I just get it over and done with I can enjoy the weekend and get some other intentions done.

Talk to you soon

Good Intentions

2008-07-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

Everyone has them but do you all follow thru?? I thought I would write about Good Intentions this morning because it has been on my mind allot lately. It seems like I have a ton of good intentions yet am never able to follow through for some reason or another. Every week I wake up and say this is a new week/Day, a new beginning, a fresh start but for some reason the good intentions don't happen. Am I Lazy?, Not motivated? Not focused? Procrastination? What is it????? I write lists, I try to focus but it just doesn't seem to happen. For instance this week I woke up with the good intentions to start fresh, get organized, focus on all work outdoors, exercise, clean house, go to my support groups, etc. and here it is Thursday already and well I am not much further ahead then I was and when I get something done it seems like something else happens and sends me 2 steps back

As much as I try I just don't understand what my friggin problem is and since I don't understand why I am/ get like this I don't know how to fix it. One possible suggestion is that I am just stuck in the ho-hum-drum of life, stuck in my rut and can't get out. I get very lonely sometimes and well I think I live Vicariously through the lives of people on TV.. I am by myself much of the time with the exceptions of my animals and well as much as I love them the conversations are usually one sided. I do have friends but they all have there own lives or significant others/family so they are not always able to be around and not to mention my closest and bestest friend.. FOOD... is no longer available for me to fall back on. Of course, this is just probably one of many possible reasons that I have trouble with following through with my good intentions and still does not get me any closer to solving the problem.

So what about you all???. What do you do to follow thru with your good intentions. Maybe a few suggestions from my readers will my get my butt motivated and in gear.

**** CHALLENGE****

Every morning when you wake up write ONE thing down on a piece of paper that you want to accomplish that day. Make it something that you would normally not do but have been wanting to accomplish, like clean a closet, organize your junk drawer or fix the lawnmower (that is on my list) ... Try to do this for a week and see if you find that it helps you. I am certainly gonna try it and see what happens. Next week I will ask you to tell me about what you have accomplished as well as share with you what I have done.

Good luck

Beef, Beef, Its what you eat!!!

2008-07-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

Oh How I love BEEF!!!! Last night I had a couple of friends over for dinner (Rich &Wayne) It was Rich's birthday so I made his favorites which happened to be meatloaf and brussel Sprouts. I know, strange combo but actually they are my favorites also so it certainly was not a hardship for me. Now as you all know I am not supposed to eat beef until 3 months out but I decided to go ahead and give it a try, and man oh man did it taste good. It was my first taste of either foods since before my surgery. The only bad thing was that I could not eat much of it. I had 2 small bites of meatloaf and 2 brussel sprouts and I was done. Unfortunately today the brussel sprouts are causing me havoc. I have found now, as this confirms it, that most green veggies, broccoli, asparagus, brussel Sprouts do not agree with me so I can say that I won't be eating too many of them in the near future anymore.

This morning I really had to fight the urge to not weigh myself .. I don't know about you all but being that I have fought the battle of the bulge for so long I am pretty in tune with my body and my weight. I can tell when I dropped a pound or two and this morning I was feeling pretty good about it. It took all I had to stay off the scale so I am thinking that Fridays weigh in should be a good one. (I hope anyways)

Now that the race is finally over I have to find new things to focus on. I did decide that I will do the 1 mile crim race on the 23rd and I guess my mom is gonna do it also. (good for her) But I still need to find something else to focus on and to get my exercise. This week I decided that I am gonna try to focus on all outdoor work.. I have borrowed my uncles tractor and have brush hogged my back pasture and I have a ton of other work that needs to be done, such as fence mending and weed pulling, this I think will give me good exercise and on the days that are not so hot I might try a little walk/running. But it is my understanding that the weather is supposed to get kinda hot this week so if that is the case running will not happen. I have no problem getting all sweaty and smelly working outside but doing exercise is a whole other ballgame for me. I am just an outdoors, country girl at heart and enjoy working outdoors.

*** this just in*** My sister just mentioned a 5k race on Thursday .. And strike me down I am actually thinking about doing it..

Race day is Over

2008-07-14T05:46:00.000-07:00

Well the big race was this past Saturday, I am not exactly sure what my time was but I know I came in slightly faster then the huckleberry Hustle. It was very hard for me, thankfully I had a good support Group to get me through the rough spot.. Thanks to all of you who stuck by me. I am not sure as to whether or not I will keep running, it is kinda strange as much as I hate it, I feel a Slight draw to it specially when I see all the people who run constantly and see what their bodies look like. I want a body like that!!!! I keep thinking that the more I run the easier it will get but it has been the exact opposite, it keeps getting harder. So I think I will cut out the race thing and just do the running at my own pace and distances for awhile and maybe work up to doing a 5k again. Doing the race thing really gets me upset, I really never though that I was that competative of a person but I guess I am. It really bothers me to see people passing me up, you can tell me all day long about how I am only doing it to prove something to myself, but my mind just does not work that way.

Also... A Kudos to Rena' for completing her first 10K .... in an 1 Hour and 26 minutes, I think...YEAH !!!!!

I also have to say that on Saturday afternoon I went to a wedding. I actually had to go out and buy a new outfit as I really had nothing to wear. Either all my clothes are too big or just slightly too small and I have to say that I looked HOT!!!! (at least I think I did) I felt really good about myself and was kinda bummed that it was a short wedding and reception and I got home rather early. I would have loved to have gone out on the town and displayed my confidence a little further. I am still in a size 22 on pants so that 7 pound rule is not exactly true for me but It will get down eventually. I have a whole closet full of size 20 clothes so for that I will be set and then won't have to buy new clothes for a while.

I hope all of you had a very nice weekend. Take care and I will talk to you later

Weigh day Week 10

2008-07-11T06:07:00.001-07:00

Well I did better then last week .. Thank God.

Last week - Weight GAIN of 2 lbs - Total loss was -59lbs

This week - Weight LOSS of -5.5lbs - Total loss so far -64.5lbs

Well last night my sister & I did the 5k Huckleberry Hustle .. What an experience that was.. I know I am gonna sound like a big fat whiner here but I can't help it. This is the way I feel/felt and I must be honest on this blog. It was a miserable experience for me. The weather was muggy and hot which anyone who knows me knows that I can't stand hot weather. The course was 80% running on grass trails (uneven ground) with a mix of gravel/sand in areas and some dirt roads. Running on the grass was not easy for me, and I swear it felt like it was weighing me down, my stride is not the biggest and I don't really pick up my feet too high so every step in the grass felt like it was catching my feet and weighing them down. I also made the mistake of drinking a protein shake before the race, this caused me incredible gut problems. Won't be doing that anymore.

The race really did nothing but make me very depressed, I was trying my hardest and yet it was like I was standing still. People who were as overweight as I and people who were much older then me were passing me up . I have to admit that after the race I even cried a bit because I was miserable and upset that I did not do very good, in fact my time was worse then other times I have had. I am sure that the only problem I am facing is the problem that I am having with myself and my mind. I get frustrated that I can't do things and it depresses me badly because in my mind there should be no reason that I can't do it. In my mind I am already a perfect size 10 and when I get knocked back to reality it hurts. I Know, I know I should be thinking other ways, that it is a great accomplishment that I finished etc, etc. and not to mention that I really went about this whole running thing the wrong way.. I mean I went from doing regular walking down the road no fuss, no muss walking, to doing a 5k race. I kinda skipped all the training in the middle and just jumped in. I think that after this weekends race if I decide to keep trying to do this running stuff(and believe me when I say the jury is still very out on this) that I will revamp my training, start doing a things in a little bit of a different way and work up to the big stuff, maybe by doing that I will feel better about what I am doing. I mean having little bits of successful accomplishments would be better then having large letdowns.

Well anyways Thanks for letting me babble on and complain.. ( I really don't like to be this whiny) Tomorrow will be another race day and of course I will do my best and I promise that I won't complain.

Have a great weekend.

My Poor Dog ...

2008-07-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

He is in worse shape then I am.. This morning I decided to get myself motivated and go for a walk/run. I have found that from the end of my driveway to the main road is exactly one mile. So I decided that I would do that 2 mile trek this morning with jogging every other mailbox. My trusty dog, whom always wants to go with me where ever that is, came along. I do believe if he could talk he would have told me to go get the truck and come pick him up. He did great the first mile but on the way home he was fizzling out. By the time I got 1/2 way back he was trailing me by at least 8 feet and by the time I made it to the end of my driveway he was lagging behind almost the whole length of the leash which is 20 feet. It was very odd that I had to give motivational pep talks to my dog.. lol.. But on the other hand maybe that means that I am getting in better shape.

Over the weekend we had our mock race at the park to get ready for this race coming up on July 12th. Everyone was very supportive of me and let me set the pace which I was VERY grateful for. I know that I slowed them down but I at least did it with minimal complaining. My cousin Healthier Chelle had me say "Size 10" whenever I got tired and wanted to say "I can't" While I did not say it as much as I thought I would I did say it a few times.

The jury is still very out with me on this running thing. I really am not sure I like it enough to continue on after this weekend. I would like to say that I will, but in all honesty I am not sure. I think that most everyone will agree with this statement "Exercise is a real Drag" and I know that I HAVE to do it to be successful with this weight loss but I just wish that I could find some sort of exercise that I could really find fun. I just don't know what that could be, does anyone out there have any suggestions? I know from past experience that I can go to the gym daily and do weights, and machine and ellipticals but after a while it becomes so boring and such a chore and so redundant. I guess I need to find a way to mix it up a bit so that I don't grow to dislike it so much. So I guess this should be my next main focus to find some exercise routines that I can stick with !!

Otherwise things are going well. I am not having any troubles at all with eating, I have been trying new foods and so far so good. I still have the beef restriction, along with rice, pasta and white flours but that is actually only for another 2 weeks and then I can slowly start to add them in. I have to be honest and say that I am really looking forward to a bite of hamburger..

I hope everyone had a happy & safe holiday weekend.

Take Care.. MEchele

I knew it.. Weight day week 9

2008-07-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

Well I had a sneaky feeling that this weeks weigh-in was gonna be a dissappointing one and I was very right.

Last week weight loss - 5lbs for a total of 61lbs lost

This week..... weight Gain +2lbs... total weight loss 59lbs.

Boy that sure sucks !!!! I knew that most likly I was not gonna lose any weight but I did not really expect to gain 2 lbs. I mean I really thought those days would be over. But I guess that is just not correct. I mean I know that being on my cycle right now is probably the culprit but still it was upseting to see that number this morning. But I am sure this is just a temporary thing and i need to stay focused on the long term results. I bet next week will see big numbers, at least I hope. I have heard of people who plateau out very early in the surgery because there body is just trying to re-adjust to what is going on and after a few weeks the weight loss starts to kick in again.

Tomorrow is the mock race training to get ready for the race on July 12th. It should be interesting.

Sorry for such a short post this morning my brain is just not functioning to well yet.

Everyone please have a SAFE & HAPPY HOLIDAY !!!!

"One foot in front of the other"

2008-07-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

That is what my sister said to me today when I was whining to her about how much I really do not like to walk/run. After a 4 day recovery from my little excursion last Saturday (seriously my calves are still actually sore today) I decided to suck it up this morning and see what I can do. I did 1-1/2 miles at a fast walk/slow jog.. I did about every other mailbox on my road as a slow jog. I am sure I did not break any records, however I did break a sweat, and at least I did it. The shoes I bought seemed to help and I made sure that I decreased my stride to avoid any shin pain but seriously if my stride gets any smaller I will be going backwards. I really am feeling the pressure to be able to keep up with all my fellow runners. Not because they put pressure on me but because I put pressure on myself. This Saturday we are doing a Mock race to get ready for the big day on July 12th. It will be myself, Rena', Healthier Chelle and her friend Leigh.. I know all the other 3 are really working on there running skills if not already doing 8.5 minute miles (Chelle) and I don't want to be the one to slow them down. In my crazy mind it is very embarrassing not to be able to keep up, specially when it comes to physically activities, I guess I just have to remember that I was never an athlete growing up, and it does not happen overnight. My interests growing up were always doing other things, Outdoors things that involved hunting, fishing or riding the 3-wheeler, you know country girl type stuff. I can lift 100lbs without batting an eye yet can't seem to run a 100 yard dash faster then an average turtle. But I guess with all things it just takes time, I am looking forward to being able to reflect back at this post in a couple of months and seeing just how far I come and I hope that I can continue to stay motivated enough to continue on with this training.

Also, if there is anyone reading who would like to join us on Saturday for our mock race please send me an email. The more the merrier and afterwards we can cool off and relax in my pool.

See ya back here tomorrow for weight day, but I am not to excited about this one since I will probably have water weight gain but keep your fingers crossed.

Energy.. or lack of it.

2008-07-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

***Warning.. all male readers .. Female topic to be discussed. ***

Since having my surgery my monthly cycle has been kinda of screwed up. This month my enemy arrived early and with it brought major havoc. The cramps have been terrible and it seems like all my energy has been totally zapped right out of me. Yesterday I felt like I ran a marathon just walking to the mailbox. This, of course, does not help when I really need to be doing some training for my 5k on July 12th. I actually had to lay down during the day and rest and for those of you who know me that is something I never, ever do. I have heard that some people who have the gastric bypass surgery do suffer from anemia specially when on their cycle, and that could very much explain the lack of energy that I am having and at one point yesterday I actually got very dizzy. I, however, am not gonna worry to much about it unless it continues. Besides doing the 5k on Saturday Morning this past weekend I really worked hard outside and I may have just over done it some and my body is trying to catch up.

Otherwise things are going well. I have some more pictures that I have uploaded so please check them out. In 2 of the pictures I put on the same black outfit that I wore at my sister wedding, I was kinda disappointed that it does not show a dramatic difference in the picture but if you could see what I see, when wearing them again, you would know that there is a big difference.. The pants are way too big now and I can actually pull them on and off without undoing the buttons or zipper before I actually had to buy a girdle to put under it to make sure everything fastened up ok.

Hope everyone has a great day...

I did not like it... But I did it!

2008-06-30T06:02:00.000-07:00

Yup I really must have been on drugs when I said I would do that 5k Walk/ run. I woke up Saturday morning about 6 am and saw that it was raining outside, My first thought was , Oh there is a god.. Rain means I am not going.. But at 645am the rain was past and I no longer had an excuse. So I had to get up and continue on my day.. I got to the race and of course the first thing I noticed was that I was the fatest person there, and instantly had all kinds of self-conscience thoughts running thru my head and then got even more nervous about being able to do it. At first it when I said I would do it I thought how tough can it be but as the time approached I was panicking about not being able to do it.

At the starting point my worries still did not go away. Looking all around me were all these very fit individuals who definitely looked the part of runners. There were of course many other people who were not and then I made a promise to myself that as long as I did not come in last I would be happy.. After the singing of the national anthem the race was off... I started off strong and had every intention of doing the walk 1 minute, jog 1 minute and did that about four times, then that changed to walk 2 minutes and jog 1 minute and that lasted for a VERY short time.. Then I went to a fast walk... Of course I thought I was walking very fast but people kept passing me and how upsetting that was. Specially when some of these people were very much older then me and I was being smoked.. My sister who was with me, was very supportive of me and I know I slowed her down but she stuck by me.. Thanks Sis..

After the 1st mile I already had blisters on my toes because I definitely did not have the right shoes and you can bet I will not make that mistake again. I already went out and purchased a nice pair of running shoes that are supposed to correct my feet and help me out a bit.. I asked for a pair of shoes with wings on them but they were fresh out...lol

After the first mile, I was about to die.. I never realized that a mile was so loooooong... That mile was done in 15 minutes but it went down hill after that. In the middle of the 2nd mile, the whining started... "I don't like this" was all I kept saying," I am never doing it again" was another phrase that popped out of my mouth several times. At the third mile my legs were like lead and felt like I could barely lift them, my hands had swelled up because I kept them down too much with no circulation and my massive thunder thighs burned a hole thru my pant leg and I could smell burning pork...lol but lo & behold the end was near. It was like an island oasis in the distance. Nothing every looked so good. When I got to the finish line I was done!!! I stopped immediately and of course came very close to passing out, not quite but very close. I am sure I was dehydrated as I sweating out way more water then I could put in..Finished time was 54 min and something .. So roughly just under 18 minute miles. AND I did not finish last.. Very close to it but not last ..

On the way home it hit me.. My shins were in agony I could barely lift my feet.. Apparently I was taking too long of a stride and that is why that happened. When I got home I sat on the couch for several hours before continuing on with my day. The next day I got up and boy was I hurting, my shins and calf muscles had seen better days and I was moving VERY SLOW.. Heck I am still moving very slow today also as they are still very sore.

I am signed up for another race on July 12th and you can bet I will try and get myself a tad bit better prepared for it, I do not want to go thru that hell again. I had even contemplating backing out of the race but I know my cousin healthier Chelle would beat my butt.

So I guess when I get home tonight I will try out my new shoes and see how well I will do.

Take care everyone.. Talk to you all later..

PS.. Sorry but I did not get pictures this weekend but Hopefully I will get it done tonight

Weigh Day Week 8

2008-06-27T06:14:00.001-07:00

Well Here it is..

Last week weight loss -5lbs

This weeks weight Loss another ...-5lbs

Grand Total weight loss ....-61 lbs!!!!!!!!!!

Monthly average weight loss ...-30.5lbs

YIPPIE!!!! I am on melting away !! I am so glad and really starting to see a difference in my clothes and in my body. I have noticed that my knees are not hurting as bad as they used too, that I can actually kneel down and not need a fork lift to get me back up..lol My constant heart burn is gone and I have noticed that my complexion is getting a much healthier looking tone and the acne is diminishing since I am no longer eating such crappy food. As a matter fact I even mentioned to my sister this morning that eating has kind of become a kind of hassle...( Boy that is a definite switch) It is just that I have to chew, chew, and chew my food, take really small bites and wait between every bite if I don't do those things it balls up in my stomach pouch and creates havoc, pain, nausea and vomiting. So eating now takes forever and well me and my new body have got things to do.. So I find that I really have to force myself to remember to eat and when I do eat, I eat really high protein foods that I can eat easily like cheese sticks, & deli turkey.. You roll them up together and it is a meal on the go.

For other news, and I must be on some major drugs to do this but I am (Healthier Chell you will be proud) going to do a "Go with the Flow" 5K Fun Run or Walk for Disaster Relief. It is a race for donations only to go to the American Red Cross. This is part of the Crim Fitness Foundation and should get me motivated for the race on July 12th that I am signed up for.. I have really been slacking big time on my training for that race so this one tomorrow will probably kill me but I am hoping that it will also get me back in the swing of things.

I also finished getting my pool up last night and am now in the process of getting it filled. I have to do it in stages as I have well water and don't want to strain my pump too much but I figure it will be full by Saturday afternoon sometime and I will be able to start enjoying summer swim fun..

Everyone have a great weekend.. and on Monday I will have some updated photos for you.

Take care, MEchele

Off Track

2008-06-26T05:26:00.000-07:00

I seem to have gotten off track a little and need to get myself back to the routine. This past week has been a busy one and I have neglected to follow some of my very important rules. It is very hard everyday to fit all my protein and water into my daily life. I can't honestly say why because you would think that it would be easy but as the day progresses time just seems to slip by you and the next thing you know you re getting ready for bed to begin a new day. The new Protein directions that the nutritionist told me to do has really thrown me off. When I was using the protein bullets (as posted before I have found out that they don't work well and was told to switch) I was able to mix them into my water and drink it through out the day.. Now I have been forced to switch to protein powders that I mix with water and drink.. These are not very good at all and hard to tolerate. The powders (dosages is 2 big scoops) are very thick, heavy, take quite awhile for me to drink and usually cause me a bit of nausea. I tried many ways to get it down but all has ended with the same results. So now it has begun to be quite a chore for me and as many of you know when you don't like something you don't do it. I have been trying very hard to make sure I eat very high protein foods but that by itself is not enough, I can't and don't eat a whole lot and because of this I think I have been getting a little sluggish and lacking in energy. I guess I just need to keep experimenting with proteins until I find something that works for me and then I can get back into a routine. NOt to mention I need to make sure I get the right amount of protein so my hair does not fall out.. So far so good on that.. knock on wood.

Last night I started to put up my swimming pool I am really looking forward to getting into it. It is just one of those plastic ones that is 16' round 48" tall but it is really one of the best things I could have bought. I got so much use out of it last year and I really enjoy doing water exercises as it is so much easier on the joints. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will have it up and running.

Be sure to check in tomorrow as it is weigh day!! I am looking forward to this one and hope for big numbers..

talk to you soon

MEchele

2 months gone already

2008-06-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it ?? 2 months have already gone by since my surgery. It seems like I waited forever for that day to come and now here it has come and gone and I have been well on my road to recovery. Looking back the past 2 months I have really come a long ways. I really feel like I am coping well with my decision and am so lucky that I have had no major set backs or side effects. My eating, of course, is so much different now then it was back when. I really feel like I made the right decision for myself, this surgery has forced me to do what I have been trying to do for years and that is too get control of my eating. As I have progressed thru the last 2 months it is amazing to me that I can live on eating 1/8th of what I used to eat. It really feels good to be the one who is the slow eater now, to be the one who does not eat as much as the next person, to get that take out container from a restaurant and end up throwing it away uneaten. For example I went out to eat today for lunch and ordered a Turkey/bacon sandwich on wheat bread, I ate 1/4 of it and was completely satisfied, I watched people eat burgers & fries and none of it really bothered me too much. I was pretty happy with my sandwich, so that leads me to believe that I am also learning to make better food choices. ( on a side note I have not had french fries in 2-1/2 months. That by itself is a miracle) But I am looking forward to when I can eat beef, as I do miss it alot.

Now that I am at the 8 week mark my food options have increased to included salads, fresh fruits and raw veggies. I still, however, have to wait another month to try out rice & pasta along with beef but being that time is going by so fast I am sure that it will be here before I know it.

Once again I would like to Thank you all for supporting me on this new journey, it does help to know that I have such a strong support system backing me up and I so look forward to sharing my continued success with you all.

Take care, MEchele

I fell off the wagon

2008-06-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well I have to be honest and admit that I did a big No-No this weekend.. Well at least the doctors would say that but Everybody I know who has the surgery still does it.... .Does what, you are wondering?? Well I went out on Saturday night and had 2 alcoholic beverages. Now for those of you who know me, you would know that 2 alcoholic beverages for me is absolutely nothing, specially when I am out with my Cousin & Uncle but I probably should not have drank, at least not so soon after my surgery.. However, I have to tell you that I had no ill side effects from it. I was very sensible about it and made sure after every sip I took, I followed it up with a sip of water and like I said I only had 2 drinks and one of which I did not even finish completely.. I was very much waiting for some bad reaction but nothing happened including the fact that I did not even get the slightest bit tipsy.. SO much for being a cheap drunk..lol. However, as I lose more weight things might change. I am having a bit of trouble with my bowels this morning and am not sure why but I am pretty positive it has nothing to do with the alcohol because that would have given me problems right away and not 2 days later. I did experiment with a few more food choices then I would have normally done this weekend so that might also have something to do with my Bowel problem this morning. Usually I add one new thing at a time but this weekend I seemed to be a little bit reckless in that area

I also went riding again yesterday morning, This time I went over to Elba Equestrian Park and did a bit of a longer ride and one that had a bit more challenge. As usual I took my trusty horse TJ and we had no problems. TJ got a good work out hauling my big ole butt around but I assured him that every time I get on him I will weigh less & less. I am so looking forward to getting my seat back and being able to ride my other horses without worry.. I think that day is coming sooner then later.

On a sad note my friends father passed away on Friday afternoon, I was there when it happened and am very thankful (for lack of better word) that I was able to be there for her and her mother in their trying time and that he passed very peacefully. I know from experience that this is not an easy thing to deal with and any support is always a blessing.

Take care everyone, and I will talk to you all again soon.

MEchele

Weigh day week 7

2008-06-20T02:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys bit this post today is gonna be very short.. I am working another job this morning and time is tight. But I am am very pleased to announce that my weight loss for the weeks is ....

-5 lbs
Grand total lost as of week 7 is -56lbs since 4/29/08

Things are going pretty good right at least as far as the surgery goes. I did however receive a phone call yesterday from the clinic regarding my blood work. Everything is normal with the exception of my Protein & b12 counts. They are a little low and they are having me switch the way I am taking my vitamins and proteins. They however, were not too concerned with it as they were just border line low. Me, on the other hand, am very concerned about it as they are the 2 major things that keep your hair from falling out so this makes me very paranoid. I really, really do not want to lose my hair.. So I will make the changes they told me and see what happens. I have to get my blood work done in another 5 weeks so hopefully it will be better.

Well unfortunately I have to run right now.. Check back later and I will try to post more.

Take care everyone and have a great weekend.

I really am 6 sizes smaller

2008-06-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

Well if you all remember from my post the other day "Back in the saddle" I had made mention that I was able to get into some older jeans of mine in a smaller size. I also had stated though I thought something might be up with that specially since they were the stretchy jeans. But Guess what??? Last night I was thinking about what I was gonna wear to work today(a 2nd job of mine) and started to get a little panicky as I really have no decent clothes that fit. I had very few nice fat clothes left and allot of my other nice clothes are too small still, so while I was frantically searching through my closet. I then realized I had allot of different jeans in the same size as the ones from Sunday so I thought I might as well give them a try.. and Holy Crap was I thrilled to find that they all fit too. I was just so surprised!!!! but boy what a nice surprise. I still however have the muffin top thing going on but that can be somewhat disguised with the proper shirt but then again when you go out to the stores or whatever I constantly see people who have the muffin top and don't seem to care so maybe it is the new trend and I am just in style now...LoL

SO now along with my weight countdown I will now begin a size countdown but this time I will actually admit what size I am wearing. I am still not comfortable about admitting my weight so I am going to hold off on that until I get to the 100 lbs weight loss mark like I said (Which if you will notice I am 1/2 way there already) but here goes the size thing

Pre-surgery Start Size - Pant Size -28
Shirt Size -24/26

Current Size - Pant size - 22
Shirt Size - 20/22

Goal size Pants - 10/12
Shirt - 8/10

Now my neighbor the other day told me that she sees a health specialist/nutritionist, who told her that with every 7lbs that you lose you drop one size in clothing. Which is pretty darn close to what I have done. (I am sure that there is some slight variations depending on the persons body) So by my calculations I should be at my goal size in another 70-80lbs and for once that goal does not seem like it is unreachable and I can see it happening in the near future.

So I am gonna drop a challenge on you all. Why not test the theory, everyone try to lose 7lbs ( no time limit on it) and see if you drop 1 size. I will be anxious to hear the results..

Good luck !!

Roll Reversal.

2008-06-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I met with my friend in the afternoon and she asked if I wanted to go for a drink and to get something to eat. I said that was fine but told her that I was unable to drink, which of course was no problem to her. My friend, whom I love to death, has always been the skinny one and when we would go out it would always be I who ate the most and I who usually drank the most. This time, however, it was the complete opposite. We went to Mr. B's Pub and I ordered a water while she had a rum & coke, when looking at the menu I told her if she wanted to share something that would be fine as I can't eat much anyways. Then it hit me, I actually went to a restaurant and wanted to share a meal.. I NEVER would have done that before.. I used to be very much protective over my food for lack of better explanation. I never wanted to share anything, unless it was appetizers before the meal. For some reason, no matter what the circumstances I always was scared that there would not be enough food to go around if I had to share it with anyone, even growing up up and living at home I would buy food and hide it, or on the way home I would stop at Burger King and get a bunch of stuff, hide it in other bags or my purse and eat it in secret in my bedroom. I have no idea why it is that I did that stuff and really it is kinda stupid on my part but that is just how I thought, I am sure there is some sort of physcological explanation but I really don't want to spend the money on a shrink to find out..I am hoping to do it on my own so I guess I will start now. .... Hi, my name is MEchele, and I am a food Hoard and a closet eater.

But anyways I seem to have gotten off track with my original thought. At the restaurant she & I ended up splitting a chicken Quesadeas(SP?), It was me who only ate 1 small piece and she had the rest and it was her who had the alcoholic beverages while I had none and sipped on some water. My friend has always been a very lite eater and for the very first time in the roughly 35 years that I have known her I was the one who was eating & drinking less. Not because I was trying to pretend that I was not a pig but because I actually did NOT want to eat much and that I was full when I ate the small amount that I did. ... talk about role reversal and this is one roll I hope to continue to play.

On a side note, my friends father is very ill and if you could say a prayer to offer comfort to him & his family I am sure it would be greatly appreciated..

Take care everyone and talk to you soon..

Back in the Saddle Again!!

2008-06-16T05:03:00.001-07:00

Happy Monday everyone, As you can tell by my opening Title I had had a major triumph over the weekend.. Sunday Morning I got a call from a Friend Of mine Kelly, her and her friend Lucy were going to come riding in my neck of the woods and invited me along. After trying to think of some good excuse while I couldn't go I decided to suck it up and get over it. So I hooked up my trailer, grabbed my gear, and loaded up my trusty horse TJ and off we went. I have to admit I was just a tad bit scared when it came to getting on my horse but once I was mounted and we got going it was no problem.. Tj is the best horse a person can ask for, he is totally bomb proof and you never have to worry about him giving you a hard time on the trail.. He could not have treated his mom any better!!!!! I am sure he knew that there was a little bit of tension on my part but was very sensitive to it and slow and easy was the way we went...Of course, I don't think TJ can be anything but slow and easy (except for when it comes to food..lol) My friend Kelly could not have been any more supportive to me then she was. THANK YOU Kelly for helping me back in the saddle !! I truly had a great time, specially when we all got to take our horses for a swim at the beach and we certainly couldn't have asked for a better weather day..

The second exciting thing that happened this weekend was that I got into a pair of my smaller jeans. That were 6 sizes smaller then what I was wearing.. Imagine my shock when they actually fit.. of course they were the stretchy kinda jeans but I will take it anyways. Any boost to the ego is a good one.

On Saturday I went to two open houses. It seems like every time I go to a social function it seems easier and easier to deal with the amount of foods that are there and the fact that I don't have to eat and if I do eat I don't have to eat so much and it is OK if I don't eat everything on my plate. I am hoping that this means that I am slowly but surely getting over the "clean your plate syndrome." I think that as the more time goes by my mind will slowly change its attitude toward what used to be considered normal for me and what is normal now.

I hope all of you had a great weekend and and a stress free Monday!!

PS.. Say a little prayer for me this afternoon as I have to go to court on an issue with a former tenant. Say a prayer that the judge has the wisdom to see who is telling the truth and who is just being vindictive..

Weigh Day Week 6

2008-06-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

Well Weigh Day arrived again today

Here are the results.

Last week - 48 lbs gone
This week another loss of - 3lbs
Total Weight Loss so far - 51lbs Since April 29,2008

Well Not bad I guess, I was hoping for a big dramatic number but I will take it anyways. I mean as my sister pointed out at 3lbs a week I could be at the 100lbs mark by my birthday.(Sept 20th) Would that not be a great a birthday present or what..

Last night I went to the Gym and did Water aerobics for the first time since my surgery..I actually had a fun time doing it and seemed to get a much better work out then I did before. I noticed that my movements were much easier then they were before my surgery. For example: you have to reach behind you and grab your ankle and hold it behind your back for a stretch on your upper thigh, I was not able to do that before and it was very easy for me to do yesterday. Also, it was much easier to do everything that involved my abs as it seems most of the 50lbs I have lost must be from around my middle..

Well here it is 4 hours later since I started this post... My morning has just not gone very well and right now I am just feeling sick & tired about allot of things.. I know, I know I am just feeling sorry for myself. It is just sometimes I think that there are allot of injustice in this world and that the people who are deserving get nothing and people who are the scum of the earth seem to never have to face any consequences for there actions...At least here on this earth... Obviously, there is a story behind this but it is just too long to tell you all and well would probably bore you too.

But Anyways I am very glad of my weight loss and that I am starting to see some changes in my body as the weight drops off.

Sorry this post is just short and to the point today my mind seems to be scattered right now and I am having trouble concentrating on this.. Everyone have a great weekend and I will talk to yo on Monday..

Cowgirl UP!!

2008-06-12T05:38:00.000-07:00

Hello All, Yesterday I went in for my 6 week check up and all is well. The nurses and dietitian said I was right on track with my weight loss and that I was doing great!! I have been officially told that I no longer have to adhere to any physical restrictions.... Thank God!!!.. I can now lift more then 5 lbs,I don't have to crush my medicine anymore and I can start to ride my horses... I am very excited to be able to do more things and tonight I am going to the gym to work out for the first time..However, and I am gonna be very honest here,I am kinda scared to ride my horses. It has really been quite a while since I have rode, since last Fall and even before. I pretty much quit riding because of my weight or for that matter I have not ever enjoyed my horses to there fullest potential because of my weight. It always felt unfair to them to be hauling my fat butt around and it was very embarrassing for me to see the looks on allot of peoples faces when they saw such a fat person on a horse. Kinda like they were saying the horse should be on my back rather then the other way around. When I went riding I always felt a little apprehensive as because of my weight riding was more difficult specially once I got on the horse , if I got off or thrown off(which has happened many times) I was stuck without having some sort of help to mount back up. Also, riding a horse takes balance and when you have so much more extra to balance it takes much more work and concentration and in my opinion very much hinders your ability to ride good, its starts to make you panic and become fearful as you know if the tide of fat flows too far in one direction you are gonna fall off. So as my weight got even further out of control my dream of being that cool cowgirl running on my horse, running barrels or just doing that leisure trail ride was becoming less & less a reality and that made me extremely sad, disappointed, mad, and depressed and of course all directed at myself. I had that feeling that how could I want to do something so much yet not have enough strength and will power to maintain weight loss to fulfill that dream..

But anyways sorry to get off on such a downer there but it has been something on my mind for a very long time and just did not want to admit my fears aloud but I thought maybe since I am now on the downward weight slide if I got it out in the open and wrote about it, rather then let it fester as my own private shame it would make me per say "Get back in the saddle again". I am sure some of my horse friends will read this and offer suggestions and words of encouragements and I am even more sure that by the end of this year I will fulfill my dream of being that confident cowgirl and enjoy my horses to the fullest.

Thanks for listening ... MEchele

New Pictures

2008-06-10T05:21:00.001-07:00

Hello All, I got the part for my camera and downloaded a few new current pictures of me. Remember though I have a ton ( well not quite a ton) of weight to lose so the difference is not all too dramatic yet but there is a slight difference and the more time that goes by the weight loss will be more obvious.

I really don't have a whole lot to talk about today nothing too much going on. However, my mom has been spending a couple of days with me. Yesterday she was nagging at me quite a bit because (this is the interesting part) she did not think I was eating enough!!. That is another first..No one has ever accused me of not eating enough. But wasn't that the goal of this whole surgery, too help me control my eating and that is definitely what it does. It has completely controlled my appetite and the amount of food that I can eat.

I have lots of people asking me 2 questions repeatedly. So I thought today would be a good day to address those questions.

The 1st question I hear allot is whether or not I feel hungry anymore -- The answer to that is yes but it is a very different feeling then what you are used to and it takes along time before you feel that way, I would say at least 8 hours. Before when I was hungry I would get that rumbling, grumbling stomach that you could really feel and hear telling you that you are hungry, now it is just a very hollow feeling that is hard to describe. There is no rumbling or growling it just feels very hollow or empty inside. It is not painful at all but it is a very strange feeling and I don't like it usually I feel like that most often in the mornings. Which in some ways that is good because I was never a breakfast eater before and now it basically makes me eat breakfast so I can make the feeling go away. And we all know that Breakfast is the most important meal of the day specially now that I have had this surgery. The other hunger feeling that I have is strictly in my head which has to do with the food addiction. My mind tries to tell me to eat even when I am not hungry but that feeling is strictly based on addiction, emotions or just boredom and one that I am working on reversing.

The 2nd Question that I hear often is whether or not I feel full and the answer to that it also yes but it is again a different feeling that what you are used to. There are also allot of rules to follow that insures that you do not stretch out your stomach pouch dramatically so that you can continue to feel full. When I eat you can feel the food in your stomach pouch and when the pouch is full you can feel the food starting to kinda go up your throat, This is a major sign to stop eating, however you can still continue to eat but that is when you start stretching things out and that can become a way of sabotaging your weight loss tool. One of the other tricks is not to drink anything for 30 minutes before/after you eat and not to drink while eating.. This assures that my stomach pouch fills up quicker then it would if I was drinking with my meals. Drinking with your meals allows the food to pass through quicker and that of course allows you to eat more.. This is a good diet tip for everyone. So give it a try and see if you feel any difference.

Well I hope that answers some of your questions or at least gives you more of an idea of just what this surgery is about and how it helps you. There, of course, is way more to the surgery but that can be another lesson on another day..

Be sure to check out my pictures on my link listed below or click on an ad or two and help me earn a few extra pennies.

As always have a great day, MEchele

a weekend of firsts

2008-06-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hello all, I hope you had a great weekend. I had a pretty decent weekend and had a weekend of some firsts since my surgery.. Saturday I had to take my mom to Lansing for a wedding and spent the rest of the day doing stuff by myself in Lansing while she was at the wedding. In the past I would have just spent my day treating myself to every snack and restaurant treat I could find but that was not the case this time.. I spent the afternoon at the mall, I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure and even bought myself a couple of cute shirts in a couple of sizes smaller to give myself something to shoot for. I then went to a movie by myself and for a first time I did not have any soda, popcorn, candy or smuggled in fast food. The only thing I did have was a bottle of water and believe it or not I did not miss the other stuff. Afterwards I was feeling hungry and found that my favorite restaurant had a location where I was.. (Olgas Kitchen) So I decided that I might as well have my very first restaurant experience. I was actually very nervous about it.. and even asked for a booth close to the bathroom in case I had to vomit. I told the waitress my circumstances and she was very cool about it and told me to take my time.. In the past when I went to Olgas I would order a Gyro(or an Olga as they refer to it) with cheese and extra meat, fries, spinach pie, Olga snackers, and Cheese ball appetizers.. this time I ordered an Olga, which technically was cheating, and a spinach Pie. I ate maybe 1/8th of the Olga and 1/2 of the spinach pie(maybe a 2"x3" piece) and that was just the filling not the crust stuff, so in other words not that much. I ended up getting a take out box and bringing the rest home.. This was the first time I ever took a take out box home because I could actually NOT finish eating my meal..Any other time I took food home it was usually because I was with other people and was embarrassed to be such a pig so I took it home with me giving the illusion that I did not eat that much, usually when I got home I would just eat the rest. This time I am happy to say that the take out container is still in the frig and most likely will get thrown out uneaten. After eating I went to pick up my mom, I went into the reception and the first thing that was offered to me was a drink and I had to say NO.. This another first... me at a wedding and not drinking!! lol... I ordered an ice water.

Now that I am going on my 6 weeks I am now allowed a much bigger variety of foods. Pretty much every thing except, white flour stuff, stuff with sugar in it, raw veggies, some fruits, no greasy or fatty foods and no beef. Hummm I guess that means I can't eat pretty much everything..lol ..But I can try more variety slowly and in moderation and no more then 4 oz each meal. I did try actual chicken breast for the 1st time yesterday and I had a bit of problem but nothing major. I just think that was because I am a bad cook and the chicken was too dry...lol Today I am gonna try again today cooked in a different way and see what happens.

Well I guess that is all for first this weekend. Hope you all stay cool and healthy this week ..

Take Care, MEchele

Weigh day week 5

2008-06-06T06:03:00.000-07:00

Well today is weigh day and I am plugging away slowly but surely

Week 5 Weight loss -3lbs
Total weight loss to date -48lbs

Not bad I guess, it is definitely not 3lbs gained so I am not complaining, I have a personal goal of wanting to be down 60lbs by the 14th but I think I might be kinda shy of that mark but who knows I have little over a week yet so we shall see. I might have a little water retention right now so next week could see some big numbers. I kinda feel like I am on an episode of the biggest loser, this weeks weigh in.. who will have big numbers???.. and on almost every episode it is the men who drop big numbers while the women just whittle it a way a few pounds at a time.

Last night was kinda exciting for me, I actually made myself a real meal or close to it. My tastes since the surgery have been changing a bit, lots of things just don't seem to have any flavor anymore. So I thought I would spice it up a little bit, at least as much as I am allowed. I went and got some more ground turkey although the thought of it was not to appealing, it seems to me that ground Turkey is just too dry but I found some that had just a little more fat content then the last batch I bought and tried that ,I have to say it tasted sooooo much better and yet was still in the guidelines of what I am allowed to have. So with that I added some Prego , some extra spice and used whole wheat pasta. A spaghetti dinner I had!!!! and it sure tasted good. Of course remember I can only eat 3-4 oz but since I have to wait 2-3 minutes between bites that 3-4 oz lasts a long time !!! and best of all I had no issues with eating it, no dumping, no vomiting nothing. Yippee!!!

This weekend I am gonna start doing a little more physical activity as I am coming up on my 6 weeks mark this Tuesday so all limitations should be lifted. Of course I am supposed to wait till I go to the doctors but I feel good, no pain at all and well quite frankly I feel ready to start doing all the stuff I normally would be doing. I will, of course, not go too crazy but summers is here and I am ready to enjoy it, my first project is too cut the grass and then get my pool up and running. The weather is supposed to get pretty hot so I wold love to be able to take a swim ..

Oh yesterday I also had my first appt with my laser hair removal. It was pretty cool and there was no pain at all. They have this little suction like tool, stick it on the area that needs done and blast a bit of laser on it. It gets a little bit warm but nothing bad at all, after the initial consultation part it took all of 5 minutes to do. I have to have at least 6-8 treatments before all the hair follicles are killed but it will be worth it in the long run..

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend!! Take care

PS. Still only 5 baby chicks but all doing well, I think the other eggs are duds..

I need to vent a little

2008-06-05T06:55:00.000-07:00

I need to vent just a little. Now mind you it will probably seem like I am complaining and really that is not the case because I chose the surgery and even knowing what I do now I would still do it all over again but I want to vent anyways. You would think that having the surgery would save you some money since you are no longer eating out at fast food or any other type of restaurant, no longer spending money on crap food at the grocery store and you would think because you eat so little that the food you did buy would last you way longer then it would have before the surgery , I mean for example a can of soup is like 4-5 meals for me. But the reality is that I am spending about the same amount as I was before because of all the supplements that I have to buy and boy who knew that vitamins and proteins were so expensive. I guess what really got me ticked off was that I went to GNC last night to see about what other kind of protein options were available for me and of course the salesperson was a big ole bulked up young 20 something year old, hot stud, the kind of guy I looked at from a far at that age because he would have never even gave me a 2nd glance. But anyways, I told him what I was looking for and he proceeded to tell me everything different from what the clinic tells me to do so he was basically no help. So I looked around some and found one of the things on my list. It is a bottle of a juice that has 40g of protein in it and would you believe that this one bottle cost $4.89 and technically I would need to drink 2 of them a day. But that is not even what really bother me so much, it was when I went to pay for the 2 bottles (each a different flavor to try out) and the guy proceeds to tell me that if I spend $15.00 on a discount card that I can use it to get 20% off my products now and in the future that by having the card, the 1st 7 days of the month I can get 20% off any product in the store.. WHY is it that stores can't just lower the darn prices, you know that they are making money even with the 20% discount... Now let's talk about my medicine, I had to get a refill on some prescriptions that I need for my stomach and my mental health. $89.00 later (after my insurance paid 50%) I got my drugs.. a 30 day supply of my stomach pill alone were $2.30 each for one pill ( previcid) .. Now tell me that someone ain't making some serious money on this. Boy I really feel for people who don't have insurance specially the senior citizens who just can't afford to pay for there drugs..

OK enough about that I just had to spout off for a minute. Thankfully the prescriptions I will hopefully not need in the future anyways. My nausea is still here but it is just something that comes on quickly now and leave just as quickly, I am learning how to deal with it when it happens, a couple of deep breaths and mind over matter and it goes away, so this is a good thing but I will be happy when it goes away for good. My sleep is getting some what better then it was, some nights I do really well and sleep most all the way thru the night and other nights not so well. But it is getting better then it was so I am thankful for that.

Porter & I went again for a very long walk in the park yesterday, I decided last night that next week I am gonna start my water aerobics classes again and I look forward to doing that, I have always like the water and it is much easier on the joints. I figure that it will be a good way to start working my way up to more strenuous exercise as my weight decreases. When I get my pool put up this year I will be able to do my water exercises right at home.. not to mention that I will be able to start riding my horses again very soon and believe it or not that is very good exercise for me and for my horses, and they need it bad since they have been so lazy the past winter months and this spring since I have not been able to ride.

Well tomorrow is weigh day once again and I am not sure what to expect, I don't feel any bigger or smaller this week and lord knows I don't want to get my hopes up for a big weight loss and then have there be nothing so I will just go with the flow because no matter what it says tomorrow this weight will come off eventually I just have to have patience. So be sure to check back in tomorrow.

See you then..

PS. I have 5 baby chicks now and maybe 4 more to come...

I found a support group

2008-06-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well Monday night I went to my first bariatric support group meeting and it was exactly what I was looking for.. There was about 15 or so people and everyone really helped each other out. It was basically an open forum and everyone just bounced information back and forth. I also found out about several other groups that met privately and am looking forward to joining those groups also. The one in particular that I am excited about is a group called a "Finishing Group" it is limited to 8 people and there is an actual doctor that runs it. It is geared to help you realize what it is that actually made you get fat in the first place and help you to not repeat the past. I guess they even give you self help home work assignments every week. I am really looking forward to this group, the starting date has not yet been finalized but I am on the list for when they do.

One of the topics that was brought up at the meeting was a form of Protein that I have been using it is called a Whey Protein Bullet that has 45 grams of protein in it. There are conflicting reports as to what the actual bodies absorption rate is on this product and they are saying that the protein from these may not be good enough for what I need. This scared me as this is my main source of protein and if you remember from my other posts protein is very important for my nutrition as well as keeping my hair from falling out. So I am at a quandary as to what to do now. My hair has not yet started falling out yet but that does not mean it won't, people last night were telling me it might not start falling out till month 3 or 4. But anyways I did decide that I will go to my local GNC store and see what they have to offer just in case. I figure it can't hurt at all and they have a policy that if you don't like a product you can bring it back and who knows maybe I will find something I like better anyways.

I am still having waves of nauseousness and not quite understanding it. I can be absolutely fine and then all of sudden, out of the blue I am starting to gag, dry heave whatever you want to call it. I have no food in my stomach when this happens so I know that it is not related to anything I eat. I mentioned it last night and everyone thought it sounded normal, some people just have it more then others, everyone is different but they say it will eventually go away. I guess I was just lucky to only start having this feeling now rather then right off the bat.

I have had recently had a request for updated photos and I am sorry that I have not gotten any new ones to you all ,I really wanted to post monthly photos of me and my progress so I will get it done eventually. I have even already have taken the pictures but dummy me has misplaced the cord that goes from my camera to the computer and no one sells SONY accessories so I had to order it directly from Sony... SO the whole moral of this story is new pictures will not be posted till my order comes in 7-10 days. Sorry about that .. but well even though I have lost 45 lbs there really is not a dramatic difference in me yet.

and for some off the wall news I am a new mom today of some brand new baby chickens....lol.. I have had a hen sitting on a nest of eggs for the past 3 weeks and the eggs started hatching today. So far I have 3 and there is about 6 more to go yet ( I hope). I have tried doing this in the past with no success so for me this is exciting news. I know, I know I am a tad weird but for some reason I really like having chickens I just think it is so cool to go out an collect eggs everyday.

Well I guess that is my news for today... Talk to you all soon

Food, food, It is everywhere!!!

2008-06-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

Well my weekend started off pretty darn busy. My cousin had a graduation Party and I helped them out a bit on Friday Night and Saturday Morning. I don't know why I do it to myself but it seems like as much as I try to avoid food situations I always be seem to put myself in the middle of it. I think I am sub-conscientiously trying to get food out of my system by being around it and realizing just because it is in front of me does not mean I have to eat it, but it is so, so hard... While helping my cousins with her party I spent most of the time around the food preparations. I spent most of Friday night rolling turkey and Ham for trays. I was soooooo wanting to eat some it was driving me nuts, I mean I was actually salivating and quite surprised that I did not start drooling like a dog. But my willpower prevailed and I rolled all 20lbs of meat without cheating.. Talk about a test!!!!!! The next morning was just as hard but I do have to admit I licked my fingers few times but nothing was on them that I was not allowed to eat anyways. However, that morning I had said to myself that I was gonna cheat later in the day and eat a meatball ( I am not supposed to have beef for 3 months) but I am proud to say that I did go to the party and even though I did put a meatball on my plate I ended up leaving it on my plate. It was very hard thing for me to do but I told myself a long time ago that if I had this surgery I was gonna do what the doctors told me and well to be honest If I am gonna cheat I would rather do it eating a Halo Burger.

It is really crazy if you stop and think about it. Food seems to be everywhere!! It is all around you, and there is no hiding from it. Whether or not you are driving by a fast food joint, or stopping to get gas or just visiting a friend, most everything either has food or revolves around food. There is no hiding from it!!! No wonder the average American is overweight to some degree and for those of us who are addicted to food it makes thing extremely hard for us to deal with.

But anyways I guess enough about that, I have had some real problems with nausea the last 2 days. I am not exactly sure why, Saturday night I came in from outside and was feeling fine but then all of a sudden I was in the bathroom heaving. I had not ate anything so all that was coming out was foam ( I have heard of that happening after WLS Surgery but this was a first time for me ) and it continued to happen again.. I went to bed hoping the next morning I would feel better but I was still very nauseated the next day and spent most of my time laying around dozing. This morning while I am able to function normally I still have that nauseated feeling. I sure I hope that this goes away soon and am almost wondering if it ties in with my monthly cycle and hormones as things are not normal right now with that. But whatever it is I hope it goes away soon as no one want to feel this way all the time.

Today, I have my first bariatric center support group. I am very much looking forward to it and am sure that this will be a much better meeting then the last one that I tried to attend. I have a list of questions to talk about and am looking forward to getting some answers and maybe finding a friend or two to buddy up with that might have had the surgery around the same time as me. I will let you know How it all goes.

Thanks for reading today and I hope everyone has a Happy Monday !

I need a new scale

2008-05-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

Well today is weigh day and instead of being very excited about it I was actually dreading it. I am so obsessed with losing the weight, that I know if the scale is not nice to me I will send myself into a deep depression over it but for the sake of my mental health today I am going to go with a weight loss for this week of 5lbs. I got on the scale 5 different times and got 2 saying 5 lbs, 2 saying 3 lbs and the tie breaker told me a totally different number of only 2 lbs. So I got 2- of the 5lb number first so that is what I am going with!!! And that is my final answer! But I am going to go this weekend and get me a new scale and I think I am gonna stay away from the digital kind and get the old fashion dial kind that way there is not a chance for so many different numbers to come up.

I am also happy to say that I have gone down 6.9 points on the BMI chart. For those of you who don't know Body mass index (BMI) is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to both adult men and women. To calculate your BMI go to this website http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm

I still have a ways to go before being in the normal range but it will happen.

***Warning to any male readers.. Women issues to be talked about now***

I also think that right now my weight loss is kinda being impacted by hormonal changes, My sister mentioned it to me and I had not really thought about it until then but the surgery has obviously effected my menstrual cycle, while for the past week I felt very bloated, I have not yet started my cycle and in fact it is actually late. (No there is no chance I am pregnant) I have always been pretty darn regular (23-25 days) for the past several years so this is kinda unusual for me, but then again why complain as we all know what a total drag it is anyways. The bariatric clinic did say that this could happen & FYI, your menstrual cycle can actually harm you some after having bariatric surgery, because you are no longer absorbing the nutrients that you once were your cycle can really deplete your body of Iron causing anemia. This is just another one of the side effects that can happen with WLS.

Now being that I am so looking forward to losing weight and becoming a whole new me on the outside I have taken another step to sorta beatify myself. All my life I have had a facial hair issues Upper lip and chin and I am constantly waxing, shaving, plucking etc.. and never seem to be able to keep up on it and even though I don't mention it often I have always been self-conscience of it. I did some calling around and found out that laser hair removal is actually a pretty inexpensive thing to do. So I have decided to treat myself to the process so that I won't have to deal with that anymore. It is a local place and you need to have several treatments before it is gone for good but I am really looking forward to having it done. I know it seems like a small thing but as long as it makes me feel better about myself then it is worth it. I am kinda sorry that I did not look into it sooner.

Porter & I have been very religious about doing our nightly walking, last night I think was the longest walk yet. By the time I got back home even Porter had slowed down his pace and was ready to lay down. We left from my house walked down into the park, did a trail walk and walked back. I will be very excited when I can start pushing myself even more. Only 1-1/2 more weeks then I should have doctors clearance.

This weekend will be a busy one, the horse dentist is coming out to give my horses there dental check up.. (yes horses have dentists) and I also have a graduation party to go to, this party will be the first of many for this year and will be another test of how well I can do around food specially the kinda I am not supposed to eat. I know I will do well but boy it sure is tempting.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, don't forget to check back on Monday and don't forget to click on a few of the ads here and help me earn a few pennies for my skin removal surgery fund that I will need next year.

Till next week... Take care MEchele

1 month reflection

2008-05-28T08:56:00.000-07:00

Last Night I was looking back at all my post for past month and it was very inspiring to me to see just how far I have already come in such a short time. When I was looking back I again realized what a great group of people you all are who are supporting me. I know not all of you post comments but I know that you are still reading and keeping me in your thoughts. I am so thankful that after looking at these post that I have had very few medical problems considering this is such a major surgery. I belong to several online groups that talk about the many problems that they have had with the surgery and I come no where close to any of those and thank god that I don't . At least not so far..knock on wood!. I know that my journey is far from over and I still have a longs way to go but so far so good.

I am also trying to be pro-active on some issues that may come up in the near future and the one that bothers me the most is the possible loss of my hair. I know that seems very vain of me but it is one of my best features and I really hate to part with it. Every day I am constantly checking to make sure that it is not starting to fall out ( this happens due to lack of Protein and usually starts between weeks 4-8) so in an effort to prevent my hair loss I am really focusing on doubling up on all my protein intake and hopefully that will keep my hair loss to a minimum because after all I want to lose weight but I don't want to lose it by my hair falling out.

Last night I pushed myself just a little bit more by taking a 1-1/2 mile(guesstimate) hike through the woods. Although I still am not able to run yet I thought that this would be a little bit more of a workout as I had more obstacles, hills and such to maneuver. It felt really great and I was tired by the time I was done I even had to take a break for a minute before leaving the park.. It felt good to work up a little sweat and look forward to being able to push myself more in the upcoming weeks. My dog Porter also went with me and enjoyed it too or maybe enjoyed it a little too much, as per usual he saw water and just had to jump in it. Good thing my truck is never clean so any more mud is usually not noticeable...lol... I will be going back tonight and doing it again but I will also remember to bring the bug spray this time. lol

Talk to you again soon Take Care, Mechele

Week 4 - One month gone already

2008-05-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

Wow!!!! Can you believe it? One month gone already and only 2 more weeks to go on all my lifting & Exercise restrictions. I can't wait!!! I am getting very bored not being able to do even the most simplest tasks but it is almost done. Hopefully my 6 week check up will give me clear sailing .

This weekend went by pretty uneventful spent allot of time out where my brother and his wife were camping. We did a bit of fishing but mostly I just hung out and played fetch with my dog, my brothers camp site was on a little lake and Porter ( my dog) just loves to swim and fetch things in the water, so he definitely got his exercise this weekend. My neighbor was also having his annual memorial weekend party and of course told me to come on over but I did not want to put myself in that situation, I mean his parties usually involve allot of drinking & eating which are 2 things that I can't do right now so why put myself through all that torture. Sounded like they all had a great time though.

Well week 4 now brings a little bigger variety of foods to eat. I have to admit I did start trying them out a day early. I am now able to add Canned tuna fish/chicken, eggs, ground turkey or some salmon. I have so far had some ground turkey and for the most part it tasted good, I had no problems at all after eating it and even added a bit of BBQ sauce for some extra flavor. It certainly does not replace beef in the taste category but it was sure nice to have some actual meat!!! A vegetarian I am not!! I also tried to eat a scrambled egg but that was NOT something that agreed with me and for the first time since having my surgery I had to vomit. It really surprises me that I had a hard time with it, you would think of all all foods that would be the one that would be easily tolerated but I guess that is just not the case. I did talk to a couple of people who have had gastric bypass and they had the same problem so I guess it is common. Maybe I will give it another try in a couple of weeks or so but if that is one of the only foods I can't tolerate then I will be very happy!

My mental state is doing pretty good right now of course with all the changes my body is going through that could change in an instant but for today I am doing good. I am still having a very hard time with sleep though. I am exhausted by the time I go to bed but sleep does not come quick and then when it does it is for just a couple of hours, then I wake up and lie in bed watching TV trying to will sleep to come again and when it does it is usually at about 7 am when I need to get up anyways and then I end up over sleeping. I am really hoping that in time this problem irons itself out because in my opinion there is nothing worse that not being able to get a good night sleep.

My neighbor Bob next door was over on Sunday morning cutting my grass to help me out, when I walked out to thank him he said to me."WOW I can't believe how much weight you have lost in such a short time, you can really tell!" I felt so ecstatic to hear that, it was a great boost to my morale. I mean what more can a woman ask for, having someone else cut your grass and compliment you at the same time!!

Anyways, that is about it for now! I hope all of you had a very safe and fun weekend. I would love to hear what you all did so let me know.

Take care, MEchele

disappointing morning ...& Reality check

2008-05-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Well yesterday when I posted I had such HIGH hopes for this morning and well I guess I was just expecting too much and needed a major reality check.

Last night I went to a FA meeting (Food addicts) I had very high hope that this group would help me over time deal with my mental issues as to why I use food to cope with my everyday life. Well after I left the meeting I felt worse then when I went in there. I don't think that it was a meeting that is exactly what I am looking for. The meeting itself is based on AA meetings which I guess is fine, having never been to one I was not sure what to expect.. Anyways, they spent the first 1/2 hour talking about rules and regulations, don't use there name for anything, don't gossip, be 10 minutes early(which I thought was funny because they started late and were very unorganized) and that there was to be no eating or any drinking beverages during the meeting. After that being said everyone turned and looked at me as I had my water bottle out and was drinking out of it periodically. This kinda made me mad as I walked into the meeting (and I was actually 15 minutes early as I was unsure of where I was going and left early in case I got lost) holding the bottle and not one person said anything to me and there were no signs either because I looked after the announcement to make sure I had not missed anything. Anyways after that the lady who was running this weeks meeting (I guess it is different every time) got up and talked and I hate to say it but she just made no sense at all and really spent most of her time talking about yoga classes. After she was done there was about 25 minutes left in the meeting and they invited anyone who had been in the program for more then 90 days to come up and share there stories. Well 1 lady got up and spoke, from her I kinda figured out what the FA group is kinda about.. from what I could gather when you go to these groups you are pledging abstinence from Flour, sugar and quantity and are pledging to eat only 3 times a day anything else is considered falling off the wagon.. Each person has a sponsor and that sponsor basically gives you a call every morning to go over your food for the day and if you vary from that menu at all during the day without calling your sponsor, it is again considered falling off the wagon, you also check in with your sponsor at night with a daily report. Anyways this is all fine and probably is a really good support system except for the fact that right now I can't do that anyways as I am already not able to eat white flour, sugar or large quantities so how does that help me with the mental reasons as too why I want to use food as a coping mechanism. After this lady spoke the meeting was pretty much over and several people in the group came over to welcome me and share there stories. While all of them had good intentions and were very nice they all proceeded to tell me about how much weight they lost doing this program. That made me feel bad again as I started having those same old feelings that I had before the surgery, That maybe I could have just tried again or worked even harder to get the weight off without the surgery. I tried to explain to them all that I had just had bariatric surgery and that I was looking for a support group that could help me deal with the mental aspect of my dependence on food and from that they told me about several member who had bariatric surgery and were attending meetings because they had gained lots of their weight back.... Well you can imagine just what went thru my mind then huh.... So basically when I left the meeting I was feeling terrible about myself again and the decision I had made to have the surgery. But by the time I got home I had decided that maybe this was just not the right support group for me I still have the bariatric support group meetings to try out, I just have not been able to attend one yet as they are all at the beginning of each month and I had just had surgery at the beginning of the month so the next meeting for me to attend will be June 2nd and hopefully this one will be more along the lines of what I am looking for.

Now on to the next topic of disappointment and reality check.. I was so looking forward to weighing myself this morning I really felt like I had lost a bunch of weight, I mean how could I not I eat maybe 600 calories a day if that, drink my protein & Vitamins, drink my water and have been taking nightly walks. In my mind I had a certain number in my head which was probably a bad thing to begin with but it was not in my opinion an unrealistic number and I came up short of that number on the scale. ...But to back up a little a bit on last Weds post I told you about how much weight I had lost so far, on Friday I had weighed myself and I had lost another 3 lbs I did not mention it however because on Monday I gained that 3 lbs back and that is what started the whole weigh myself once a week thing so I would stop driving myself nuts. Well today is weigh day and I have lost a grand total of 1-lb since last Friday!!! This to me was VERY disappointing, I mean here I am eating nothing, following all the rules, and struggling with my mental state of giving up food and I lost only 1 pound this week, I mean heck before the surgery I could just take a dump and lose 1 lb.... Now for the reality check... Since April 14th(the beginning of my liquid protein diet) which is exactly 40 days.. I have lost 40lbs!!! so that means I have basically lost 1-lb a day.. Boy just writing this right now makes me feel so much better. What the heck am I complaining about!!!40lbs gone so far and 40lbs that I will never see again!! makes me feel kinda stupid for bawling like a baby this morning to my sister. I guess some things you just have to see in writing before you understand, I guess that is why this blog is such a good idea. It helps to put things in perspective.

This weekend will be a real test with everyone having all their BBQ's and good food to eat but I think I will be just fine. I am really gonna try to keep myself focused and active doing things I like to do, and of course also trying to follow my doctors orders. Which means no horseback riding, even though I am really wanting to do that but I only have a 2-1/2 more weeks so I can stick it out.

I hope all of you have a very Healthy, Happy, & Fun Memorial Day weekend.. Talk to you all next week!!!

boy I did not know

2008-05-22T07:11:00.001-07:00

that pledging to not get on a weight scale but once a week would be so darn hard !!! HealthierChelle I don't know how you do it. I mean I literally have to fight with myself each day to not get on the scale. I would hide the darn thing but since I am the only one here to hide it that is kind of a lost cause unless I could make myself forget where it was I put it... but who knows with my mind that could happen.. lol.. But only one more day for this weeks weigh-in so I think I can make it and I think I have probably lost a few pounds as I feel like I have, hence the reason why I want on the scale so darn bad.

I am going to my first food addiction meeting tonight and am looking forward to it, I am hoping that I will be able to meet a few people who can add some insight into how to deal with the problem. I really have no idea what to expect but I am sure that whatever it is it certainly can't hurt me an anyway. I will let you all know tomorrow how it went and what I learned.

I am really having trouble with my sleeping the last few nights. I posted the other day about having trouble and thought it had to do with the fact I had not taken any pain medications but now I am just not sure. I am going to bed at night and it seems like from the waist down I hurt, my muscles, my back, my joints like I have all of a sudden developed restless leg syndrome or something.. I can't settle down and no matter what position I try to sleep in nothing helps and even though I feel extremely tired and yawn considerably, sleep does not come easy and when it does it is only for short periods of time. By 3-4am I feel like I have no choice other then to take some medicine.. I have, however, only been taking 1/2 doses or less but it sure does help, as within about 15-20 minutes the pain gets better and I am able to fall asleep for a few hours. SO I am not exactly sure what this mean and lord I sure hope that it is just a temporary thing and gets better as I get more active.

Otherwise things are still going really good. I am getting better everyday and I love my Melba toast with my 1-oz of cheese melted on top!!!lol.. such little things to make a person happy!!
I can't wait to post tomorrow as I am sure I will have some good news on the weight scale and some news as to how my first meeting goes tonight...

talk to you all soon ...

3 weeks today !!

2008-05-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well everyone it has been 3 weeks today since I have had my surgery!!! I would like to say that time is flying but this past week I really can't say that. I am so looking forward to having all my restrictions lifted. I scoured my book do's & don't on bariatric surgery looking for anything that I could add at the 3 week point but found only 1 thing and that is.. drum roll here. .... I am now allowed to eat Melba Toast... lol.. I did not even know what Melba toast was, when I went to the grocery store I could not find it and it took 2 employees to figure it out also. As it turns out it is kinda like a cracker and actually pretty good tasting, of course, dirt would probably taste good to me right now..lol.. But it gives me that Crunch I am missing rather then all the mushy food I have to eat so I am not complaining..

So far I am not regretting this surgery at all, I have had only small problems directly related to the weight loss surgery itself ( mostly Gas & Constipation) and the other problems that I have had are because of the anaesthetic rather then the WLS. (weight loss surgery) My only other issue is just with my mind and my food addiction I really think that I am in "mourning" over my loss. I know, I know, it sounds stupid but I don't know of any other way to put it. Food was a very important thing in my life , it got me through good times, bad times, kept me company and never let me down and now I don't have it to turn too. My sister found a group in the paper that meets on Thursday nights about food recovery addictions and I am going to be going to my first meeting this week. I am anxious to see what it is all about and to hear other peoples stories, I am sure that I will relate in some way and hopefully get some ideas on some better ways to deal with the issue.

I have also realized something today that made me understand how easy it is for people to get addicted to things. such as alcohol, drugs etc.. Last night I had a terrible night, I was restless, agitated, could not sleep, felt like I was gonna jump out of my body and was just plain miserable. I was not sure as to why that was, but it suddenly dawned on me. I had not taken any pain medication last night. I have not taken any pain medication at all during the day now for probably the past week and even very little before that but I have been taking it before I go to bed at night as sometimes it is uncomfortable for me to sleep and well the drugs helped me sleep better ( Ultram & Lortab, Both I Believe are considered narcotics) so anyways last night I forgot to take it and it was one of the most miserable nights I have had since I got home. That just leads me to believe that even after just 2 weeks of being home I had already gotten dependant on using those drugs as an aid. Now please keep in mind I am not telling you that I am now a drug addict, just that I now see how people can become addicted to things very easily without even realizing that it is happening. I myself will not be using any more of the pain medication as sleeping aids anymore.

Anyways, this post is not meant to be downer at all because in fact I am doing really well.. Knock on wood... I am just sharing with you everything that I am learning as I go along. Every week will be getting better & better while I continue to learn more about my body and mind.

PS. Please be sure to read todays quote as I think it really can hit home with allot of people. I know it sure did with me

It's Monday

2008-05-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hello ALL.... it is Monday and the weekend sure went by quick but it was a much better weekend then the past few as I was able to get out some and burn off some energy. Saturday my sister-in-law Nan came to visit and we went, along with my mom, looking for garage sales. Unfortunately, there were not too many out there this weekend and the ones that were did not seem to have anything worth while in them at all. I was very tempted to buy some smaller size clothes (size 10) at a couple of them but thought by doing that I might jinx the weight loss process. Sunday I did a bit of shopping and got a bunch of supplies for my little pool, I am so looking forward to spending those hot summer days in the water, specially with a new slimmer body. Sunday evening my mom & I went fishing in my pond out back, we had quite a bit of fun as the fish were really biting but as I was walking back to the house I managed to trip over a branch that was hidden under some high grass and of course fell forward right on my stomach. I thought my mom was gonna have a heart attack as she was so scared for me. Thankfully I did not do any serious internal damage (at least that I know of) and only pulled a muscle or two. But an interesting thing did happen when I fell. For those of you who don't know, the pond is in the back of my house in the horse pasture, when I fell my one horse Copper saw it and when I looked up he was charging across the pasture straight towards me, it was like he was coming to my rescue. He, of course, did not do anything to hurt me and once he got close to me he just stood there watching me like he was standing guard. It was something very neat to see and made me feel good, that my animals care enough to try and protect me. The other horses also came but they were further behind and all of them escorted me and mom back to the gate. Anyways I just thought that was something pretty cool to share.

new topic*** I am really trying hard not to obsess with the amount of weight I am losing or not losing at this moment. But it is extremely hard. I am so anxious to lose weight that it is hard to not jump on the scale everyday and I know that this is something that you should just NOT do as it only brings on depression or the feelings of failure specially if you have not lost any weight. Right now I am still only down my 36 lbs since last week. I am making a pledge now that I will only weigh myself on Fridays of each week. I figure this way I have a better chance of seeing results rather then getting upset over fluctuating scales daily. My mom keeps yelling at me about getting on the scale so she will be very happy to hear that I am making this pledge.

And speaking of mom.. She has left me this morning and I am now on my own. It was very nice having my mom around to help me and I was sad to see her go, not only was she good company for me but she really made sure that I followed the rules, specially when it comes to taking my medicine and not lifting or doing anything I was not supposed to. Before she left she gave me a good lecture about not lifting and following the rules, so I guess I better do what mom says...lol

Well I hope everyone is doing well and had a great weekend. Talk to you more later

New Goal

2008-05-16T06:09:00.000-07:00

To help me with my food addiction I have decided that I need to focus on other things.. duh, like that is not an obvious solution. But the real question is what am I gonna focus on. My cousin, who has a blog also, is big into running (Please check out her blog listed below- healthierChelle) she has set a challenge for whoever wants to participate in a 5k walk/run race July 12th. I am happy to say that I am officially a registered walker/runner. My training will begin slow as I am not supposed overdue anything for another 4 weeks but I have started taking walks down the road every night this week with my dog Porter.. (I figure he needs to shape up also) just short and slow walks as that is all my stomach can handle right now but walking none the less. I figure as time goes on I will gradually increase the length and speed of my walk and hopefully by race day I will be able to at least finish the race without dying...lol.. This will be a definite step in the right direction specially if you compare it to where I was physically last year. I would like to invite any of you reading to participate also. My cousin Michelle is leading this charge and she is a born motivator !!! Here is the link to sign up for any of you who are interested in registering http://www.flintjournal.com/race/

Now on to other things . Physically I am doing quite well. Have had some mystery pain last night into the morning but that seems to be going away so I will not worry about it. I am getting a little stir crazy not being able to do anything but this is only temporary, tonight my mother and I are going to dinner at my sister. Me, I am pretty much going for the company as we all know my food choices are limited. But as far as food goes I am now trying out a few new things. Pretty much one/two new things every few days. Last night I tried 2 oz of mashed up sweet potatoes and about 1/2 an ounce of low fat cheese.. the cheese must be chewed very well but Boy those sure tasted like heaven. Pretty funny when less then a month ago my idea of food heaven was a variety of Chinese food and a big ole Halo burger with cheese & olives.. That of course is my old life and this is my new.

It is also very surprising to me just how well I am feeling because when you think about it I am really not eating enough to keep a person alive. For example my menu yesterday was as follows.

Breakfast - 1 cup of high protein Hot chocolate with some high protein lactaid
Lunch - 3 Ritz crackers (2 with some very mushy egg salad on it, the other with Hummus
Dinner - 2 oz of mashed sweet potatoes, 1/2 oz of low fat cheese.

Keep in mind I also take crushed up vitamins and calcium pills throughout the day along with drinking plenty of protein flavored water. This is what I think keeps me going so it has really made me realize just how important vitamins are to your body. So maybe if you are not taking daily vitamins you might want to start, of course I am not a doctor so you might want to consult yours before hand.

Well anyhoo that is about it for today, I hope everyone is doing well and as always thank you for your continued support !!!!

I bet you all are wondering why

2008-05-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have not posted about my starting weight.. At least this is something that has been on my mind for quite a while so I thought today would be a good day to talk about it. Any of you who are overweight can probably understand the embarrassment of revealing your actual weight. I am certainly one of those people, my weight to me is a source of constant shame even when I have lost weight in the past I kept my mouth shut on what my actual weight was because usually I was still fat even after losing weight.. For example: 2 years ago I dropped 80lbs yet was still very heavy. There was no way in the world I was gonna make it public knowledge that even after dropping that much weight I was still so much heavier then most everyone around me, not to mention giving my past history of gaining weight back people would for sure know what kinda cow I was.

There are a few people out there that I have told my weight secret to, and for the most part I am pretty sure people can guess just how much I do weigh but for now I am just not ready to share my secret with everyone. This is one of many mental issues that I must deal with in the near future. However, I am willing to make the pledge that on the day the scale shows me I lost 100lbs I will no longer keep my secret. As of this morning I am happy to say I am 1/3 of the way to that 100lb mark. I am down 36 lbs so far from the day I came home from the hospital. But keep in mind I had lost 23 lbs before the surgery on the liquid protein diet but my hospital stay made me gain it all back with water retention. Since leaving the hospital I lost all that again plus an additional 13 lbs. I am told that the weight will come off dramatically the first 6 months to a year and then the weight loss will taper off and stabilize. So we will wait and see what happens.

I am doing much better today and really trying hard to keep my mind occupied with good thoughts. I kinda figure out that I am basically having food withdrawals. Like any addict does when they are not able to get a fix.. and lets face it I am a food addict. I use food like a drug for instant but temporary gratification. Since the surgery I have really been able to see just how much I used food to make me happy. Having this surgery has really opened my eyes and shown me just exactly how bad the problem was/is, the surgery of course has forced me to give up my addiction. Now I just have to really concentrate hard and work at retraining my thought process towards food. I am confident that in time it will get easier & easier.

Here is something for all of you to try and show your support for me .. Give up something you are addicted to for just one day. For example; if you drink soda everyday, give it up for one day. If you eat every night in front of the TV, give it up for a night, if you smoke give it up for a day. By doing this you can experience some of what I am dealing with just now and who knows maybe the one day might lead into something more for you and help you break an unhealthy addiction..

I would love to hear what you plan on giving up so leave me a post and let me know how it goes.

My first outing & 2 week post surgery

2008-05-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well I went on my first outing Sunday and boy talk about facing all your demons at once. Here I am at a casino with 3 other people and can't smoke, drink or EAT !!!! and believe me all those temptations were around but I am rather proud of myself and was able to deal with it without problems. But to back up a bit, me & my sister took my mom and her mother-in-law for an overnight trip to Mt. Pleasant Casino, there we took in the Bobbie Vinton Concert at spent the night at the hotel. The concert was at 4 and afterward we were going out to dinner. There, of course, was not a whole lot to choose from at the casino to eat at and even less for me to choose from as I am limited to what I can eat. So here we are at one of the best all-you-can-eat buffets around and I am eating nothing but mashed potatoes, soup broth and some asparagus. ( I have now graduated to the next food level and can eat some veggies as long as they are very soft) Surprisingly enough I did very well and was not as tempted as I thought I would be. Since I have to eat very slow it allows me the time to savor the flavor of everything I can eat. Although a little while later my gut was not savoring the flavor so much and must have decided that it did not like the asparagus that I ate. So I pretty much ended up spending the evening in the hotel room but that was OK as I am a survivor junkie and wanted to watch the season finale anyways. Monday when we got home I was exhausted for some reason. I laid down on my bed at 5 pm and never got up till this morning at 730am. So even though I was/am going stir crazy being in the house all day my body is still not at 100% yet, but I am sure as time goes on it will be OK.

I think I also am getting a little depressed, I can't really say why that is other then maybe not being able to do anything or maybe that it is my hormones acting crazy since my body is going through so many adjustments but I seem to be feeling kinda down or ho-hum feeling,and not really wanting to talk to anyone..(so if you have called please don't take it personally if I have not called you back, I will soon, I promise) Since I already am on Drugs for depression I think that it may just be a temporary thing and maybe finding something fun that I can do without being to strenuous will help me out.. Anyone have any suggestions???there are only so many books to read and TV shows to watch!

I have started back to work today(mortgages that I work out of my home at and can take a break if needed) and am trying to focus on that some to help get my spirits and motivations going. ****shameless plug here....but if anyone needs help or advice on a mortgage I am here just let me know, it is a buyers market now and if you are on an ARM you may want to consider a refinance*** I also have another part time other job right now too but the doctor thinks I should wait one more week before attempting that one as my lungs are still not working right and I get breathless easily.

Sorry for the downer post today but with most things in life it can't always be roses and I said I was gonna be honest about everything .

Quote of the day

Don't let life discourage you: everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. -Richard L. Evans-

the days are getting better

2008-05-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I know it has been a couple of days since my last post. It is kinda hard to post everyday when I am not doing anything other then resting and taking it easy till I heal up a little further. But I did have a kinda busy today and let me tell you I am tired but it is a good kinda tired. It amazes me that a few days of being down can take so much out of a person.

But anyways, my mom left me yesterday to go home and take care of some of her personal business but she will be back tomorrow. Here I am 37 years old and I want my mommy!!!!lol.. Sounds crazy but it is nice to have your mother take care of you for a time.. She has been the best, making sure I take my medicine, cleaning the house and even tucking me in at night making sure I have all the pillows placed just right.. ( It is still hard to sleep for me so I need to be propped up) it has been a real comfort knowing that someone is here in case anything happens, not that I think anything will happen but it is a comfort to me knowing she is here. So this morning I was on my own to make sure I did everything right!.

I had another doctors appt today as a follow up and things are still going good. I did have to have another Chest x-ray done as my breathing is still bad. The x-ray did show that some areas of my lungs were still not inflated enough (for lack of proper medical term) but I guess time will solve the problem, they did send the X-ray out for further review and may want me to have some other test next week but no use worrying about something until you have to. Otherwise, things are going good.

After the doctor, I went to the store and got some more prescriptions.. Geeze, I am on more drugs now then I ever was as a fat person. But thankfully this is all temporary and within a couple of months they should all be gone! I also went and did a little Mother's Day shopping, when I finally got home I was tired and ready to take some pain medicine but this is just another first step to normalcy, if there is such a thing. One day at a time, one thing at a time! Oh and here is a real milestone, I was able to smash up a tablespoon of egg salad today (boy did that taste good) and I had no problems eating it all.

Tonight my sister & her husband had to come over and take care of my horses for me. I was running low on food so I had to go to the grain store and pick up some more. It is so hard for me to have to stand back and watch other people do what I usually do and it has only been a week. The doctors are very adamant about making sure that I lift nothing over 5 lbs for 6 weeks. Heck it seems like everything weighs over 5 lbs including my purse. I feel so very helpless and that is something that is already driving me nuts, I hate asking for help yet I am forced to do so. I don't quite know how I am gonna be able to handle the next weeks, specially when I am feeling even better. I need to learn that it is OK to ask for help and realize that people who help you out are doing so because they want to and not because they have to. ..... and this leads me to the quote of the day
"It takes courage to ask for help and courage to give help when asked" Author unknown

PS I uploaded some more pictures in my photo album for you to check out.***. WARNING..*** I am not pretty in any of them!

Stand BACK ...My belly is gonna BLOW!!!!!

2008-05-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well Another couple days gone and one step further in my journey. I keep thinking everyday will get just a little bit better. However, today was not one of those days!!! I am sooooooooo full a gas that my belly looks like I am gonna pop out a 12 year old kid!.. I was joking around and said that I could be a suicide bomber without having to use the aid of an actual bomb, just poke my belly and I will probably take out a full city block..lol ... Hey I told you that this was gonna be an honest blog and I was gonna write about everything.

Anyways, I went to the bariatric Clinic today for a post op check and things are going very well. I got all of my stitches and staples out so that gives me a little relief and I met with the dietitian. The dietitian said that I was doing everything as I should be, which for me is something to be very proud of, I am not normally one of those people who ever listens to what the doctors say but when I decided to have this surgery I told myself I had to be committed to doing everything by the book, and I am. The dietician gave me a new menu plan and in a couple of days I will be able to add new things to my diet. Right now I am only allowed liquids, or very soft foods such as cottage cheese or yogurt and only 1-2 oz at a time but in a few days I can graduate to some Applesauce, 1 cracker, mashed potatoes or mushy vegtables. I know it sounds like barely anything and by my old standards it is barely anything but it does fill me up as my stomach is now only about the size of a grape.

Afterwards I had to go to the super walmart to get a prescription and walked around the store. BOY all the food temptations that are there, however, I was very surprised at how very few of them effected me. I really have no appetite for anything right now and have to be reminded to eat as it is. The only thing that I would have loved to sample some of was the ice cream, I am a sucker for ice cream!! but for now I must be happy with the Sugar free Popsicles that I am allowed and in time with moderation I will be able to eat more but the difference will be that I will eat to live rather then live to eat!!

Also, now that I have been home I have been able to re-read some emails , cards and comments that I received while I was in the hospital. Re-reading these while I am not on drugs makes it much easier to comprehend..lol.. Many people wrote to me about having the courage to do this surgery and to make this change in my life. I got to thinking though, that everyone needs courage, everyday in their life and not just when you are under stress or have something life changing going on, so I thought it would be a great idea to share a quote on courage with you every time I blog, maybe they will give you some daily inspirations or just a thought to ponder.

Today's Quote of the Day by one of my favorite people..

"Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

Home... My Next Steps..

2008-05-05T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone, I am so sorry I have been delayed in my post so many things have happened and boy I can't believe that the time has flown by.. It sure seemed like a snails pace waiting for the surgery day to arrive and now here it is 6 days later. Soooo let me bring you all up to speed!!

The day of surgery arrived with quite a bit of anxiousness on my part. I tried very hard to keep it in check but well that went to the way side a few times, but I do have to say I did manage to keep it under control for the most part. I had to be at the hospital by 515am on Tuesday morning my poor mom & sister sure had a long day of waiting! Anyways I started out the morning by taking my day of surgery "Before" pictures. At the hospital I was brought in, given one of those very stylish gowns, pee'd in a cup, weighed ( at my request) and started my IV. In case I did not mention before - 2 weeks prior to surgery you are required to be on a high protein liquid diet, the purpose of this diet is to shrink your liver so that it allows the laproscopic tools easier access to where they need to be. This diet was EXTREMELY hard to stick to but I managed with very few exceptions and lost 23lbs prior to my surgery day, hence the reason I requested to be weighed. Anyways the hospital staff were very friendly and things were done in a very prompt manner. At 730am I was rolled into the Surgery room. I remember, of course, the room being completely white, & sterile along with several big trays filled with surgical tools. I even made mention about all those tools being needed for just ME??? The biggest thing that surprised me the most was that when I was to get on the surgical table I had to make sure I had my feet flat against a bottom shelf, I asked about this and they said that this was when they tilted the table and stood me up.. I had about 30 seconds to wonder about that and make my last minute comments about them not telling any fat jokes during my surgery and it was lights out!!!!
Hours later or what seemed like minutes to me I remember being in my hospital room with what seemed like swarms of people around me. I had an oxygen mask on and people yelling at me to wake up and to stay awake. I was having allot of trouble with the anesthetic, my blood pressure was dropping to dangerously low levels and I was have breathing issues. The morphine pump for pain that was given to me had to be taken away ( I was robbed..lol) because that was also causing my low blood pressure. I remember my sister & my Mom tag teaming me, standing on each side of me, tapping me on the hand, arm or whatever every time I dozed off to wake me up. I remember thinking to myself that they were very annoying and I wanted to slap them back but was unable to do anything more then think about it. In retrospect of course, they were doing what was necessary to keep me or try to keep me awake. I also remember the PA telling me that they were gonna have to put in a breathing tube if I did not get better soon.

The pain itself was very intense, I always have thought that I have a very high pain tolerance and to be honest I really had no thoughts at all prior to the surgery about how much pain would be involved. I guess, I blocked that part out, I mean I know that it was not gonna be a pain free but I did not expect what I was feeling. I guess I had just heard laproscopic RNY was so much easier then the open I was expecting things to be a little less then what was. Anyways, I remember blurting out that no one told me it was gonna hurt so much !! Of course, even if I had been told it would have made no difference I would have still had the surgery.

The next morning ( Day 2) I was doing better, by then I had gotten most of the anesthetic out of my system, they found a pain medicine that was working and had me up doing some walking. Walking is one of the best things you can do for yourself after surgery, it does wonders. I still had a tube down my nose into my stomach for drainage ( very Uncomfortable) a tube out my side for drainage and the catheter keeping my bladder empty. Earlier in the morning I did have the nose tube removed and went to have my upper GI to make sure that all holes inside were sealed up tight. I passed that test and was given the go ahead to be able to at least drink liquids. The PA - Nancy came in to check on me and said I was doing much better then the night before, she still had some concerns specifically about my breathing but things were looking up. I was being given Breathing treatments on a regular basis ( Every 4 hours on the dot) and yet I was still having shortness of breath. They also felt that my urine out put was not right either so they decided to piggy back my IV's and get things flowing. Needless to say all that did was increase the amount of water I retained. I hope that I am not the only person to ever go into the hospital for bariatric surgery to lose weight and came out gaining 25lbs.. No joke either, that is what happened.

Day 3 started out better, they removed my catheter so that made me more comfortable, my out take started to increase so everyone was much happier about that. However my breathing was still given me difficulties, they changed my breathing treatments, had me go for a vascular ultra sound to make sure there was no blood clots and checked my blood gases or whatever they call that. It is when they take blood from the main artery in your body to get better O2 readings. ( They ended up doing this 3 times) and chest xrays to once again make sure that they were on the correct road to getting my breathing problems under control. Everything turned out fine and they realized that my breathing issues had to do with the smaller vessels in the lungs not opening up correctly or quick enough I think after having the anesthetic. They continued the same treatment course and by Friday I was well enough to come home .

Friday day 4 - I woke up feeling noticeably better and was ready to go home. I still had tons of stomach bloat and gas and you can see by the pictures that I looked like I was pregnant with a baby elephant but my breathing was better, the pain under control and I was doing well. I was moved up to the 2nd level of of the bariatric diet and all was going well. So by Friday afternoon my sister came and got me and I was on my way home.

I would like to say that the staff at Hurley Hospital was great!! DR. Farhan did an excellent job, the nurses really seemed to care and the PA Nancy was an absolute godsend. She was excellent at her job and made you feel like you were her only patient. She was wonderful in all aspects and I think went above and beyond her call of duty. She answered all your questions and also consoled you when you were having that "Why did I do this to myself moments" Which I admit I did have One of those moments, I think it was day 2.

The rest of the weekend I just spent at home trying to get my wits together and getting a routine going. There is a bunch of stuff that you have to try and get in through the day. All your medicine, vitamins, proteins, and the water. It can all be every overwhelming but I understand that I must just take one day at a time and try to get as much in as I can. Sleeping has been something of a chore, laying down flat on my back is very hard to so I am forced to try and find comfortable positions with pillows used as props here and there. I have 6 incisions that average about 1" each at different places in my abdomen 2 on each side, and 1 on the top and bottom areas of my abdomen. These incisions make any sleeping on my sides impossible for now but the pain is getting much better. I am slightly concerned about 1 of the incisions as it burns quite a bit and developed a kind of hardness underneath. I have called the clinic about it but have not heard anything back yet. My only other major complaint it still my stomach bloating. I still feel like I am very pregnant and can't wait for what I assume is gas to go away. Once I think my stomach goes down I will start feeling much better or at least feel like I will begin making headway on my weight loss journey. The one thing that does also really surprise me is how normal my insides do feel. I am not sure exactly what I was expecting but I thought things would feel much different inside, like when I ate or swallowed but mostly it feels just like it did before surgery with the exception of not being hungry. So I guess that is a very good thing.

In closing, I would like to Thank everyone for all the well wishes and emails without all of your support going through this by myself would be very hard. The hospital told me I was a very popular and lucky person to have so many people who cared and I agreed whole heartily. I would also say a special Thanks to everyone who has helped me out. Rich & Wayne for taking such good care of my horses, Dawn for looking in on Porter, my brother & sister in law who help with my outside work at home this weekend, my mother who is taking such good care of me and keeping me on my toes, my sister Rena' who has spent hours running around for me and covering with the extra burdens at work and so on.. I hope I did not leave anything out as if I did it is not intentional.

Till next time.. Take care.. Michele.

Goal -- Help me reach mine. I need to walk and walk and walk some more. So everyone take a few extra steps over the next few days in support of me. It won't hurt you and will help motivate me along.